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This book was difficult and troubling to read throughout since one knows the painful end from the beginning. It didn't help that the pages were filled with Jim's allusions to lives poured out for God early, for his own readiness for death. Was this premonition or youthful romance and bravado?
Beyond this aspect, however, I found the first two-thirds of the book down right disturbing on a personal basis. I felt that I did not like Jim Eliot and I suffered a dichotomy of soul to think that I did not like this fellow saint with whom I will spend eternity. I found him to be rather sanctimonious, as another reviewer has said, as well as judgmental and legalistic. I found his purple, King James-type prose to be pretentious and annoying. Throughout his college years he anguished and moaned about how sluggish and stale the American church was and how little worth was held in his studies or any other kind of work. He did not share the Reformed and Puritan views that all respectable work that is done as unto the Lord is wholly acceptable to Him. I found Jim's view quite snobbish.
Further, I was completely befuddled by his failure to ACT. I believe that this failure must have been directly influenced by his denominational (Plymouth Brethren) practices. Apparently, the Brethren are Quaker-like in their worship services. There is no appointed minister and everyone sits around waiting to be inspired to speak or read or sing. (Jim also shared in common with the Quakers a passivity which he felt precluded him from participation in the military or in government or civic affairs.) This "waiting attitude" seemed to bleed over into the rest of Jim's life. After he graduated from college he went home and kind of just helped around the house while he waited to be called to Christian service, even though he clearly had a keen desire to go to the mission field. It seems as if he was awaiting an engraved invitation to serve. He also spent years declaring that he must deny himself a wife, despite the fact that the Lord had clearly provided a woman that he loved and who also happened to be called to the same mission field as he. These pages and pages of self-denial tasted so much of self-flagellation that it became excruciating to read.
I so wanted to put this book down. I so dreaded and yet couldn't resist reading it. I was rewarded for my perseverance. When Jim finally allowed himself to ACT on the desires that God had put into his heart and the opportunities that God opened up for him, he blossomed like one of the flowers of which he was so fond. It became a joy and pleasure to watch him grow through the pages of his journal - to let go of that romantic, angst-ridden prose, and the bemoaning of his unfulfilled desires. It is very evident that the Lord placed the desire for mission work in Ecuador in Jim's heart. It was a joy to see Jim's happiness blossom. He still continued for a while to deny himself the wife God had placed right in front of him. The reasons he gave for his failure to act were that God had not allowed it. I am still bewildered at this. My belief is that if God puts a desire in our hearts and provides the fulfillment, he means for us to take hold of it, not to stand back and ask ourselves if this is what God wants for our lives. (With the caveat that the desired object meets godly and biblical prerequisites, which the mission field and the wife did.) It is still very unclear to me, when Jim accepted God's gifts, what it was that finally made it okay.
At any rate, Jim's personal and spiritual growth were so evidenced in the later pages of the book that one can begin to see the early parts as what they were - evidence of youthful angst, zeal and romance. Thank God that no one has access to any of the journals I may have written during that part of my life. Jim was growing into a wonderful husband and father and a man of God that could appreciate the gifts he had been given. I ache to think that some of that leftover zeal could have caused impatience in dealing with the Aucas, but as is true in all things, God had a plan and He was able to work good.
Beyond this aspect, however, I found the first two-thirds of the book down right disturbing on a personal basis. I felt that I did not like Jim Eliot and I suffered a dichotomy of soul to think that I did not like this fellow saint with whom I will spend eternity. I found him to be rather sanctimonious, as another reviewer has said, as well as judgmental and legalistic. I found his purple, King James-type prose to be pretentious and annoying. Throughout his college years he anguished and moaned about how sluggish and stale the American church was and how little worth was held in his studies or any other kind of work. He did not share the Reformed and Puritan views that all respectable work that is done as unto the Lord is wholly acceptable to Him. I found Jim's view quite snobbish.
Further, I was completely befuddled by his failure to ACT. I believe that this failure must have been directly influenced by his denominational (Plymouth Brethren) practices. Apparently, the Brethren are Quaker-like in their worship services. There is no appointed minister and everyone sits around waiting to be inspired to speak or read or sing. (Jim also shared in common with the Quakers a passivity which he felt precluded him from participation in the military or in government or civic affairs.) This "waiting attitude" seemed to bleed over into the rest of Jim's life. After he graduated from college he went home and kind of just helped around the house while he waited to be called to Christian service, even though he clearly had a keen desire to go to the mission field. It seems as if he was awaiting an engraved invitation to serve. He also spent years declaring that he must deny himself a wife, despite the fact that the Lord had clearly provided a woman that he loved and who also happened to be called to the same mission field as he. These pages and pages of self-denial tasted so much of self-flagellation that it became excruciating to read.
I so wanted to put this book down. I so dreaded and yet couldn't resist reading it. I was rewarded for my perseverance. When Jim finally allowed himself to ACT on the desires that God had put into his heart and the opportunities that God opened up for him, he blossomed like one of the flowers of which he was so fond. It became a joy and pleasure to watch him grow through the pages of his journal - to let go of that romantic, angst-ridden prose, and the bemoaning of his unfulfilled desires. It is very evident that the Lord placed the desire for mission work in Ecuador in Jim's heart. It was a joy to see Jim's happiness blossom. He still continued for a while to deny himself the wife God had placed right in front of him. The reasons he gave for his failure to act were that God had not allowed it. I am still bewildered at this. My belief is that if God puts a desire in our hearts and provides the fulfillment, he means for us to take hold of it, not to stand back and ask ourselves if this is what God wants for our lives. (With the caveat that the desired object meets godly and biblical prerequisites, which the mission field and the wife did.) It is still very unclear to me, when Jim accepted God's gifts, what it was that finally made it okay.
At any rate, Jim's personal and spiritual growth were so evidenced in the later pages of the book that one can begin to see the early parts as what they were - evidence of youthful angst, zeal and romance. Thank God that no one has access to any of the journals I may have written during that part of my life. Jim was growing into a wonderful husband and father and a man of God that could appreciate the gifts he had been given. I ache to think that some of that leftover zeal could have caused impatience in dealing with the Aucas, but as is true in all things, God had a plan and He was able to work good.