“to assign unanswered letters their proper weight, to free us from the expectations of others, to give back to ourselves—there lies the great, singular power of self-respect.”

i love reading didion’s essays

"self-respect is a discipline, a habit of mind that can never be faked but can be developed, trained, coaxed forth. It was once suggested to me that, as an antidote to crying, I put my head in a paper bag... the psychological effect alone is incalculable: it is difficult in the extreme to continue fancying oneself Cathy in Wuthering Heights with one's head in a Food Fair bag."

A brilliant essay - to read over and over in the transition from child to adult. A child places themself, understandably, at the center of all time and space. Adults must dispense themselves roundly of this illusion, and moreover we must place in check our sense of values and being. Otherwise we will be incapable of knowing a single object, let alone ourselves.

I see some criticism here of the author as racist, snooty, endorsing adultery, etc. Are we really going to continue with this infantile blathering line of liberal complaint? Joan Didion was a staunchly conservative 1930s super wealthy white woman. The racism (and oh yes she is racist! "Indians", "free land in California", "Chinese"), the automatic reduction of anyone who isn't white - I mean, duh. Comes with purchase. Surely no one is truly surprised? My interest lies not dissecting her specific psychology but rather in her instruction for how I might understand my own.

"to have that sense of sense of one's intrinsic worth which constitutes self-respect is potentially to have everything: the ability to discriminate, to love, and to remain indifferent. To lack it is to be locked within oneself, paradoxically incapable of either love or indifference."

https://yale.learningu.org/download/8...

“Every encounter demands too much, tears the nerves, drains the will, and the spectre of something as small as an unanswered letter arouses such disproportionate guilt that one's sanity becomes an object of speculation among one's acquaintances. To assign unanswered letters their proper weight, to free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves—there lies the great, the singular power of self-respect.”
(cheating my reading challenge by reading short essays)

"To have that sense of one's intrinsic worth which, for better or for worse, constitutes self-respect, is potentially to have everything: the ability to discriminate, to love and to remain indifferent. To lack it is to be locked within oneself, paradoxically incapable of either love or indifference...

Every encounter demands too much, tears the nerves, drains the will, and the spectre of something as small as an unanswered letter arouses such disproportionate guilt that one's sanity becomes an object of speculation among one's acquaintances. To assign unanswered letters their proper weight, to free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves—there lies the great, the singular power of self-respect. Without it, one eventually discovers the final turn of the screw: one runs away to find oneself, and finds no one at home."

wow - coming out of the meditation center, I find that everything I read that has some wisdom can be tied back to meditation and to Dhamma... in particular these passages from this essay. to have self respect (in Joan's words, or self compassion in Goenka's teachings) is to be able to remain equanimous in all situations. also, in my depression where the stress of 'unanswered texts' was literally a topic I brought up mere hours ago in therapy - this is very timely. great stuff, beautiful writing as always from Didion

Fabulous. I read it every year as reminder.

ow

bitchy, clear-eyed, and unsentimental - definitely part of the Essential Sal Salam Syllabus lol

I've never read anything by Joan Didion before, and I'm a little in awe of how well this essay is written on a sheer technical level. This is a woman who has clearly put a lot of time into studying her craft. Every sentence is finely honed, every word is perfectly chosen, and the result is a ruthlessly elegant flow of language. To ask for meaningful substance on top of such aesthetic precision seems almost greedy.

And yet, there is depth here. Real experience, deeply felt and considered with slow and deliberate regard over the course of many years. Her perspective is somehow simultaneously intensely personal and universal. I'm reminded of a dozen other works -- Camus, Sartre, Ba, Nietzsche, Weber, Cather, Hemingway, and more -- a constellation of authors who have very little in common except the way they deal with the importance of internal narrative and framing. And their shared impatience with self-involved sentimentality in the face of the world's objective cruelty and injustice.

I suppose the only reason I kept this at four stars is because, for all the clarity of language, Didion's position in this essay seems tenuous. She's describing something that isn't easily pinned down -- a state of being, a method of self regard, a feeling made into an operational mindset. On the one hand, she scorns the impulse to divest oneself of responsibility for one's actions by pointing to external causes and context, however real those causes and contexts might be. On the other, she warns against the dangers of taking too much responsibility for the feelings and desires of others.

Own your actions, but nothing more. Own your failures, but do not become mired in self-flagellation. Set aside your intentions, but don't disavow your desires. Lay bare your own bullshit. See your life only as it is. And never let that stop you from becoming more.

In this account, self-respect is a balancing act, and a fairly unforgiving one. It may be true. It may be that the only empowerment we can find in this world is by constantly holding ourselves pinned in the center of a raw and wary self-gaze.

But to me, it seems this center may not hold.

And underneath it all lies sorrow.

“Innocence ends when one is stripped of the delusion that one likes oneself.”

Would give 3 and a half stars but goodreads..... I feel like I understand why this is Didion's most popular essay but for me it's more so just decent! Good read but nothing exceptional

“Innocence ends when one is stripped of the delusion that one likes oneself.”

Simply and utterly brilliant. As is Didion and all of her works. Yet, dare I say this is is one of her best works, let alone the best thing to have ever made the pages of Vogue. Using fictional elements, Didion crafts nonfiction narratives in ways that make it easier to truly internalise, to emphasise with, and to ponder upon with such ease.

This was my first read by Didion, back in sophomore year of high school. It's stuck with me since, meaning different things in different times. I think about it often: how in its simplicity, it is still able to capture with eloquence the strangeness I often find myself in in my twenties -- the duality of shedding old naivety from the past and approaching what's next with the same naivety, just with the privilege of hindsight. At times, the writing gives me answers; at other times, it gives me more questions than I am able to answer, and I don't know if I ever can, or will. But it makes me think, and, perhaps, that is more than enough. At least it is right now.

A beautifully written, poetic essay. However, it illustrates a dated, regressive and elitist concept of self-respect. The notion that the indigenous were colonised because they have no self-respect is wild.

“…to have that sense of one’s intrinsic worth which constitutes self-respect is potentially to have everything: the ability to discriminate, to love and to remain indifferent. To lack it is to be locked within oneself, paradoxically incapable of either love or indifference.”