Everyoneshould read this book, parent or not. So helpful in understanding our own and others' behavior. Totally based on research.

DNF. Way too clinical.

I think Dr. Seligman would have preferred a different title - perhaps "How to immunize your child against depression", or "The Not-Pessimistic Child". He argues that optimists do better in life, so at some level it is easy to want your kid to be optimistic. But by his definition of optimism and pessimism, both are inconsistent, treating good and bad experiences differently. That inconsistency can lead to depression if it is pessimism, but seems relatively harmless if it is optimism.

All that to say, despite having optimism in the title, the goal is to help pessimistic kids learn to challenge their pessimistic thoughts so they can become more even-handed and realistic in their appraisal of themselves and their circumstances.

There is a tension between honesty and optimism too. I initially thought he was advocating for that version of dishonesty, but he isn't. He can't quite get himself to stop using the word optimism, but his heart isn't in it. I agree with him. I'm going to try to help my kids challenge pessimistic thoughts and replace them with realistic assessments. The real question in my mind after reading this is - should I also help my optimist see the world more realistically?

Lots of good stuff in here. Took a ton of notes. Not one of those high level parenting books to spout a lot of research examples and then no real doable solutions. This had lots of step by step lessons.

I started this but then realized I needed to go read the adult version of Seligman's work first to really get the benefit. In addition, my kid was a little young for many of the recommendations (she was only five at the time when I was reading this in October 2017). I haven't yet come back to this, although now that my child is a little older maybe I can give it another try. Marking as "unfinished" until I actually pick it up again.

Optimism is not about cheerful slogans or wishful thinking. Instead, useful optimism means taking accurate responsibility for your actions and persevering through setbacks. Parents could help their children become more optimistic by coaching them to view their challenges as temporary and specific rather than permanent and all-consuming. Besides, parents could help them master the world. According to this book, the feeling of learning a skill or task is an integral part of optimism and self-esteem. Hence, small activities like shopping and allowing the child to sense that he can influence his world and make things happen.

This book is fascinating. Yes, I'm reading it for my son, but generally speaking it discusses how feeling that you have some power over your situation, can alter things, can overcome things, mixed with the actual accomplishment of this at least part of the time (which requires learning how to bounce back after rejection/failure) leads to an overall belief in yourself and in a fulfilling life that you can make for yourself if you don't get discouraged. Still, I absolutely believe that inborn tendencies can make it much much harder for some people to have this "glass half full" attitude and that doesn't even get into chemical imbalances and such. Still for a non drug answer to giving your child ways to cope with life, this has been worth my free reading time. Resilience is key because life just sucks sometimes.

Most of the meat of this book could be reduced to a twenty page pamphlet. The rest of it feels filled with anecdotes about the progress of his research assistants. Seligman seems more concerned about the resumes and achievements of his staff than about actual practical information for parents. Who is the target audience for this book? Clinicians looking for case studies? Grad students? Professional colleagues? Any of these would be a better fit than readers looking for help with children with a glass-half-empty outlook.

Excellent book, read it and applied the suggested ideas to raising my children, and it worked. They avoided my depressive ways. Found the book engaging and so helpful! I highly recommend it to all parents to read, especially those who might be inclined to depression. It has even helped me over the years when I find myself resorting to old thinking habits. Read it!

I must admit, the message is very convincing to me, and the amount of research summarized is impressive. Seligman is the genius who came up with the concept of Learned Helplessness, and then turned it around and looked at Learned Optimism. I think every parent would do well to read this book and learn from it.

Having said that, the book itself could have used a little bit of editor's crafting. The writing was fine, but the introduction and review of the research lasts way too long. I found myself wanting him to get to the application much sooner. Also, once in the application, he advocated a bunch of exercises that were a bit too structured. I just don't think that the majority of parents are going to implement them. It seemed like he just took the material straight from his group therapy modules and stuck it in the book without considering how parents would actually feel about doing them.

Additionally, there were only two actual skills that he presented to create learned optimism: decatastrophizing and looking for alternative explanations. I'm not convinced that those two skills alone (even with the meager social skills he presented afterward) are enough to create learned optimism. But I could be wrong. He's more of a psychologist than I am.

My conclusions: the message and priciples of the book are very interesting and useful, the exercises may be a bit much, but give it a try, it can't hurt and it may really help your kids.

If nothing else, stop calling your kids names and telling them that they are to blame for everything.

Really liked this one, 4.5. Based on sound research at a level I haven’t seen in the other parenting books I’ve read. Many great ideas for how to safeguard children, and all of us, against depression. It’s rather old, but it didn’t feel outdated at all - must read!

I just found my notes on this book, so I will add them here:

The clearer the rules and limits parents set, the higher the child's self-esteem. "Masterful action is the crucible in which optimism is forged" (at pre-school age). Children make a habit of persisting in the face of challenges and overcoming obstacles. At school age, the way the child thinks-- especially about failure--is critical. They develop theories of what they can do to turn failure into success...the underpinnings of basic optimism.

Self-esteem is the by-product of doing well. Artificial means ("we are all special," a trophy for everyone who participates in soccer, etc.) are not effective. Studies have been done over generations now, and this recent trend of puffery has not been effective. Note the difference between causation and correlation. Good grades result in self-esteem, self-esteem does not produce good grades.

Three main things for parents:
1. Tell the truth without puffery. Address realistic expectations. Don't tell a disappointed child that his ability is just as good as everyone else's. Note things such as an older sibling have more practice or great physical ability due to age, if that is true. Help the child make a plan to practice or study the skills if he/she wants to improve.

2. Don't take over and solve the problem. Failure is not catastrophic. Interpretation is more important. Sympathize and validate the child's feelings, but don't do it yourself just to force success.

3. Counter the child's way of interpreting failure. Learned pessimism is self-fulfilling. Cognitive psychology can change thinking habits. Optimism can be learned. Habits of optimism that are taught have proven to reduce depression in life.


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The author says that there are two traits most likely to determine a happy life: intelligence and optimism. He asserts that intelligence cannot be taught, but optimism can be a learned skill. Part of what he discusses is how to help children see a variety of points of view, and to choose their actions after predicting the consequences. Part of this is choosing not to take offense and not assigning negative motives to other people's actions. It is also recognizing that one's actions can help or hinder a friendship. I found it a good reminder that people need help in sorting out their thoughts, and processing experiences.