"Hospitality means primarily the creation of free space where the stranger can enter and become a friend instead of an enemy. Hospitality is not to change people, but to offer them space where change can take place."

Henri Nouwen gets 5 stars no matter what out of principle!!!!!!
But even if that weren't true, it'd still give 5 stars to this book (and Wounded Healer, I mean come on).

We love you Mr Nouwen.

Nouwen is always good. Page 45 is one of the best things I’ve ever read.
“It is the Christ in you, who recognizes the Christ in me. […] from now on wherever you go, or wherever I go, all the ground between us will be holy ground. And when he left I knew that he had revealed to me what community really means.”

This remarkably slim book was my first entrance into Henri Nouwen’s writing. The overall structure of the book consists of these three movements from one disposition to another, much like opposing poles on a magnet.

The first movement, from loneliness to solitude, was one of the more ambiguous ones. Perhaps it’s my deep-seated Presbyterian/Calvinist leanings that cause me to struggle with the language of “inner life” and “deepest voice of yourself”. Regardless, I do think that by the end of the movement I was beginning to understand what he was getting at with the term “solitude”. From my poor perspective, solitude consisted of creating a space both physical and spiritual in which tensions can dwell without troubling your mind. Nouwen referred several times to the modern, insatiable drive to find solutions for every problem and tension that exists in our life. Solitude seems to refer to the ability to live at peace with those inherent tensions within yourself.

The second movement, from hostility to hospitality, had some insightful connections as well, particularly hospitality’s connection to solitude. To be able to truly welcome in the stranger, a certain peace is require within yourself - this understanding that you are a fallen, paradoxical person. A lack of peace can cause you to place undue burden on the guest to fulfill unspoken expectations; which they will inevitably fail since they are a fallen, paradoxical person as well. I found this to be very helpful wisdom both when I am a host and a guest.

The third movement, from illusion to prayer, was important but not groundbreaking. Nouwen sets up prayer as the language of the believer and the church. The opposite of illusion would be reality, and prayer is the posture from which the believer and the church as a community should understand what reality is. To truly take a posture of prayer informs our understanding of who we are in light of God, to whom we pray, and to understand others. This in turn informs how we find solitude and enact gracious hospitality.

Overall, it was a good little book. There were moments of good insight and also sections of extended anecdote which I didn’t care for. I imagine I will read Nouwen again, but this book didn’t exactly increase my interest drastically.

This book was humbling and enlightening for me; it articulated many thoughts and goals for a faith-led community and focuses on the three movements: from loneliness to solitude, from hostility to hospitality, and from illusion to prayer. A relatively short book, simple and clear to understand yet profound in what it puts forward.

"One way to bring all that is written in the following pages together is to say that the spiritual life is a reaching out to our innermost self, to our fellow human beings and to our God. "Reaching out" indeed expresses best the mood and the intention of this book. In the midst of a turbulent, often chaotic, life we are called to reach out, with courageous honesty to our innermost self, with relentless care to our fellow human beings, and with increasing prayer to our God. To do that, however, we have to face and explore directly our inner restlessness, our mixed feelings toward others and our deep-seated suspicions about the absence of God."

The call / challenge to dive into this cycle of life: reach in in order to reach out, and to reach out in order to reach in.

This book had a profound effect on me. I was open to hear what it had to say because I have enjoyed other books by Henri Nouwen. But the insights presented in this one have continued to stay with me … I finished it several weeks ago, and I am still making connections to the things he presented.

Nouwen describes three movements of the spiritual life: an inner movement, an outward movement (towards others), and a God-ward movement.

I appreciated the description of the personal, inward movement, from loneliness to solitude: “To live a spiritual life, we must first find the courage to enter into the desert of our loneliness, and to change it by gentle and persistent efforts into a garden of solitude…” He goes on to describe what this movement looks like, which is such a healthy description of a well differentiated follower of Jesus: a person who is content enough in themselves in the Lord to invite others generously to be in relationship and enjoy life together (and not simply use or need people to satisfy an inner loneliness).

The second movement (towards others), from hostility to hospitality, probably had the most impact for me just now in my life. Hospitality describes an expression of love for our neighbor that is inspiring, and we can create this welcoming space in and out of our homes, because it is a friendly space for others to be themselves and share their stories, in a world that can often feel hostile and unwelcoming. We just have to overcome our own defensiveness to the hostility around us - which can be a tall order. Nouwen charges us: “In our world full of strangers, estranged from their own past, culture and country, from their neighbors, friends and family, from their deepest self and their God, we witness a painful search for a hospitable place where life can be found… The movement from hostility to hospitality is hard and full of difficulties. Our society seems to be increasingly full of fearful, defensive, aggressive people anxiously clinging to their property and inclined to look at their surrounding world with suspicion, always expecting an enemy to suddenly appear, intrude and do harm. But still – that is our vocation: to convert the “hostis” into a “hospes”, the enemy into a guest, and to create the free and fearless space where brotherhood and sisterhood can be formed and fully experienced.”
You’ll have to read his suggestions and insights for this movement - they are thoughtful and inspiring.

The last movement, he says, is the most foundational: it is the God-ward movement, from illusion to prayer. He asserts that we tend to live in illusions (and he supports his assertion well), and he suggests that only through the humility that comes through genuine, dependent prayer can we move out of these and towards God.

The book is more thought-provoking than it is pragmatic, but there are meaningful things to apply and plenty of connections to make. I recommend!

Some favorite quotes:

“Only few ‘happy endings’ make us happy, but often someone’s careful and honest articulation of the ambiguities, uncertainties and painful conditions of life gives us new hope.”


“When we think about the people who have given us hope and have increased the strength of our soul, we might discover that they were not the advice givers, warners or moralists, but the few who were able to articulate in words and actions the human condition in which we participate and who encouraged us to face the realities of life. Preachers who reduce mysteries to problems and offer Band-Aid-type solutions are depressing because they avoid the compassionate solidarity out of which healing comes forth. But Tolstoy’s description of the complex emotions of Anna Karenina, driving her to suicide…, can give us a new sense of hope. Not because of any solution they offered but because of the courage to enter so deeply into human suffering and speak from there. Neither Kierkegaard nor Sartre nor Camus nor Hammarskjold not Solzhenitsyn has offered solutions, but many who read their words find new strength to pursue their own personal search. Those who do not run away from our pains but touch them with compassion bring healing and new strength. The paradox indeed is that the beginning of healing is in the solidarity with the pain. In our solution-oriented society it is more important than ever to realize that wanting to alleviate pain without sharing it is like wanting to save a child from a burning house without the risk of being hurt. It is in solitude that this compassionate solidarity takes its shape.”


“We will never believe that we have anything to give unless there is someone who is able to receive. Indeed, we discover our gifts in the eyes of the receiver.”

Nouwen gives an honest insight into his search for an inner peace. In a reality that is full of pain and suffering. Holding onto his belief in a loving God he explains his journey. For those familiar with the Christian mystic approach to life this will give a different framework to work with. For those new to this approach would suggest reading the 'cloud of unknowing' and teachings of ignatius loyola. It will be a book I will return too frequently.

Great follow up and expansion of “Making All Things New” Well written with much good news!2xs

Nouwen comes from a different theological and praxeological background than I do. Writing from such a different background I found this book incredibly helpful and stirring in my spiritual journey. Nouwen breaks up his book in three sections: Transforming Loneliness to Solitude, Transforming Hostility to Hospitality, and Transforming Illusion to Prayer.
He was able to put into words so many of the things I have experienced both culturally and personally. He addresses my fears of loneliness and aloneness, "stranger danger", and mistaking my imagination for spirituality.
I am currently experiencing extended spiritual growth as God is using the information from this book to slowly transform my heart.

I'm very tempted to rate this book a 3 star because it is not an easy to comprehend book. Still, I have lots of bookmarks and underlinings. I definitely struggled through the first section, and I don't think it had anything to do with agreeing or disagreeing with Nouwen; I'm just not sure I totally understood the words and syntax and all that in each of his sentences. (So, this means no, my mother would not read this book.) It is a book assigned to be read in a Listening class I am taking. I'm not sorry that I read it, and I think I will go back through it. (God bless authors who used to write thin books.) I can recommend it to anyone willing to take up the challenge.

I still have yet to pick up a book by Henri Nouwen's own hand that I have found to be mediocre by any means. I first discovered this particular title as a citation in Leslie Verner's book "Invited," in which she shares her stories about hospitality. While Nouwen has a lot to say about hospitality in many dimensions, more importantly he zeroes in on three crucial movements of spiritual growth: loneliness to solitude, hostility to hospitality, and illusion to prayer. An essential work of spiritual growth for any Christian, Catholic or Protestant.

At first I wasn't completely enamored with this book, but when I finally reached the third section moving from illusion to prayer, I finally understood the logic with bringing the most important part at the end. The first two sections don't really make sense until you get the third section.