The Four Agreements are:

1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Don't be misled by the smallness of the book or the simplicity of its language.

Cuốn sách thất vọng gần như nhất của mình trong năm nay…

I’ve been avoiding this one because I thought I’d hate it like I hate all sort of positive universe stuff, but this one was pretty insightful. It’s short and you can get thru it in an afternoon, which is probably why it’s a best-seller. There is wisdom in here—it’s not like crazy over the top good wisdom, but good reminders for everyone to let things go.

I read this book at my therapist’s suggestion. I don’t normally go for self-help books; I know others find them helpful but I personally prefer other methods of self-improvement. But because my therapist recommended The Four Agreements specifically, because it’s so short, and because it was only something like $6 on Kindle, I figured I’d make an exception.

My therapist warned me going in that there would be a lot of spiritualism in this book. For the most part I tried to ignore that aspect because I am very much not a spiritual person, but it did kind of detract from my reading experience. Don Miguel Ruiz brings in concepts from Toltec religion, which I won’t pretend to know anything about. You could still easily get something from this book without buying into the mythology of it, and I did. But I also felt that the spiritual language and concepts really bogged down what I felt was otherwise practical advice. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I would have preferred to read a book that gives me the same advice this book gave me without couching it in the language of dreams and nightmares and black magic and spiritual poison and hell.

Although I thought the advice in this book was practical, I also didn’t find it life-changing or even particularly new. You can tell as much from the synopsis, which lays out the Four Agreements: Be impeccable with your word, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions, and always do your best. None of this advice is groundbreaking. This is another problem I typically have with self-help books: They rarely tell me anything I don’t already know. They might remind me about something I don’t frequently think about, or make me see something in a slightly different way, but I’ve never read a self-help book that changed the way I live my life, and The Four Agreements was no exception.

The best thing I can say about this book is that it did give me plenty to talk about with my therapist, and together we were able to apply some of its lessons to my life. That was useful at this stage in my mental health journey because I’m just restarting therapy after some lukewarm experiences with it in the past. It was good to have the framework this book provides in my early sessions with my current therapist to give some structure to our discussions, but on its own this book was basically more of the same when it comes to self-help.

Reading other reviews of this book, I can see I’m definitely in the minority and I’m glad others have been able to get something from this book that I didn’t. For me, it was good but not groundbreaking.

It was interesting to hear about human perception and the way we view logical understanding and what “dreaming” actually means. It’s not a dream of sleep but a dream of the world.

This book talks about agreements - or believe, faith, understanding.

A philosophical outline and introspective experience, this book helps to open your mind to a higher level understanding.

I recommend this novella length book to everyone!

حرف بدی نمی‌زند ولی حرف خاصی هم برای گفتن ندارد.
چهار دستورالعمل صحیح، ساده و خیلی کلی برای اصلاح در امور زندگی که هر کدام را میثاق می‌نامد.
مثلا میثاق اول :دروغ نگویید.
به نظرم این دستورالعمل چیزی نیست که کسی را پیدا کنیم که تا به حال نشنیده باشد ! در عین حال بسیار کلی است و به کار بستن اش بسیار سخت و پیچیده. فی الواقع خواننده نیاز دارد راهنمایی های دقیق تری دریافت کند .
مجموعا بد نیست، چندتایی توصیه ی کلی اخلاقی دارد دقیقا چهارتا.
ولی اگر جایی پای درس اخلاق می نشینید نخوانید .

Beautiful words, with practical ideas, to live a better life and to have more freedom.

A friend recommended this book to me a long time ago, but only recently I had the time to finish it. And it didn't disappoint me. However, I didn't like the book at the first sight, and it took me half of the pages to really immerse myself in it.

The Four Agreements includes the essential principles of life: be impeccable with your word, don't take things personally, don't make assumptions, and always do your best. I personally relate the most to the final part, as I find it to be precise with the current stage of my life.

Some words to remember: "Action is about living fully. Doing your best is taking the action because you love it, not because you're expecting the reward. If we like what we do, if we always do our best, we are really enjoying life. We are having fun, we don't get bored, we don't have frustrations. Forest Gump didn't have great ideas, but he took action. He was happy because he always did his best at whatever he did. Make doing your best a habit in life".

In your whole life nobody has ever abused you more than you have abused yourself. And the limit of your self-abuse is exactly the limit that you will tolerate from someone else. If someone abuses you a little more than you abuse yourself, you will probably walk away from that person. But if someone abuses you a little less than you abuse yourself, you will probably stay in the relationship and tolerate it endlessly.

Every human is a magician, and we can either put a spell on someone with our word or we can release someone from a spell. We cast spells all the time with our opinions. An example: I see a friend and give him an opinion that just popped into my mind. I say, "Hmmm! I see that kind of color in your face in people who are going to get cancer." If he listens to the word, and if he agrees, he will have cancer in less than one year. That is the power of the word.

This book is what my mother would have called "woo-woo."

Ah, you mean it's sexy!

LOL No, not that kind of woo-woo. 'Woo-woo' meaning really 'out there' or 'hippie-dippie' or whatever people would call New Age stuff nowadays.

That being said, I think the author's heart is in the right place and I think he touches on some very good topics and advice. He's basically teaching the reader Buddhism. He doesn't put it that way, but... *shrug*

I'm going to try to boil this down for you and strip out the woo-woo so you can really understand what Ruiz is getting at.

He is basically saying that you should live your life by four agreements:

1.) Be impeccable with your word. This means, basically, don't gossip, spread venom, or hurt others with your words. Because words are powerful and they can really damage people.

Not only are you damaging other people with your hateful/thoughtless words, but you are damaging yourself.

I basically agree with this, although when the author (in the paragraph I opened this review with) basically says I have the power to give people cancer, I am a bit skeptical. o.O
...


2.) Don't take anything personally. People insulting you or trying to make you feel like shit (and sometimes succeeding) are really fucked-up. They are not pointing to you and calling you stupid/ugly/fat/etc. because you really ARE stupid/ugly/fat but because they are fucked-up inside and therefore they are saying hateful things and looking at the world in a skewed way.

Laugh it off. Brush that dirt off your shoulder. Don't take what people say to you personally. It really has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

I don't FULLY agree with this, but I think in general it's a great concept. Very difficult to do, though. I think it would take a lot of practice to reach this level of zen.

"Whatever people do, feel, think, or say, DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY. If they tell you how wonderful you are, they are not saying that because of you. You know you are wonderful. It is not necessary to believe other people who tell you that you are wonderful. Don't take ANYTHING personally. Even if someone got a gun and shot you in the head, it was nothing personal. Even at that extreme.

See? Look at this paragraph, which basically is how the whole book goes. This first part I agree with: you are wonderful. Other people telling you 'you are wonderful' is to be ignored, because you should KNOW you are wonderful and not be dependent on other people's praise of you.

I've already got that and agree with it. Great point.

But then he brings up this 'shooting you in the head' thing. I mean, o.O Yes, I guess you shouldn't take it personally... SINCE IT'S HARD TO TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY WHEN YOU'RE DEAD.

I don't know, I feel like the author is sometimes taking this too far.
...


3.) Don't make assumptions. Communicate with other people. Don't date/marry people expecting they'll change - or wanting them to change. Love other people for who they are.

Real love is accepting other people the way they are without trying to change them. If we try to change them, this means we don't really like them.

Yes, I already know this and live it. Let me explain to you my philosophy.

For example, I don't date smokers. It would be very bad form of me to see a man I liked, respected, was attracted to - and decide to date him, KNOWING that he smokes. This wouldn't be okay. Because I don't like smoking, and I would be unhappy - even if the man was all other good things: sweet, funny, kind, smart etc. Therefore I refuse to date smokers - no matter how sweet and cute they are - because I know I would end up miserable and making the man miserable. A smoker can be my FRIEND, I have friends who smoke - everything is fine. But once you make it into a romantic relationship it's a no-go. I'm not into nagging and I avoid dating men who I would end up nagging.

This goes for everything. If you are the kind of vegan who is really, viscerally upset by people eating meat, don't date a meat-eater. If you only like thin, skinny women who jog - don't date a sweet, smart, funny fat woman and expect her to change. If you marry a man who is lazy, guess what? He is still going to be lazy after you are married. You nagging him 24/7 is not going to make him any less lazy. The only thing that will change is that you will both be miserable.

I can't tell you how many of my friends I've seen suffer horribly trying to please someone who allegedly 'loves' them. If you love someone, you don't try to change them into something they're not.

So although I'm wording this a lot differently than Ruiz, I basically agree with him. And communication is the key. You have to nip that shit in the bud. For instance, if you are a fat woman, and you are dating a man, the first time the man pulls some shit about your weight you have to shut that down. For instance, he suggests you order a salad as your meal or he asks you 'Are you sure you want seconds?' or he, out of the blue with no encouragement from you, buys you a gym membership or some shit, you have to step up and make it clear how things are going to be. Be like, "Look at me. I'm fat (or 'x size, or plus-size, or curvy or whatever you call it). That's not going to change. Either accept it and enjoy it, or get the fuck out of my life." Okay, maybe don't say 'fuck.' But you know what I mean.

I would even go so far as to state this up front BEFORE he pulls any shit. You can be gentle, but make it clear that what you see is what you get.

Goes for anything. Steak-lovers dating vegans/vegetarians, people who have high-paying jobs dating people with low-paying jobs, people who love fashion dating people who wear sweats every second they are not at work, people who love playing sports dating people who think sports are boring, etc. etc. etc. etc. If you are trying to change your lover than you don't really love him/her.

This 'assumptions' thing is all about communication. It could be "That man smiled at me. He must have a crush on me!" when really he's just friendly. Or "Susie didn't return my call yesterday. She must be angry with me or not like me anymore!" Maybe she just had her phone on silent. Don't assume stuff. Instead, ask people questions and get their thoughts. Don't jump to conclusions.
...

4.) Always do your best. Rather self-explanatory (you'd think) but I got kind of muddled in this section.

For instance, Ruiz says

Doing your best is taking the action because you love it, not because you're expecting a reward. Most people do exactly the opposite: They only take action when they expect a reward, and they don't enjoy the action. And that's the reason they don't do their best.

Which sounds like he's saying, "Do a job/career you love. You should love going to work every day." And that is a nice, great concept, but I don't know how realistic this is. Just saying. Ruiz says:

For example, most people go to work every day just thinking of payday, and the money they will get from the work they are doing. They can hardly wait for Friday or Saturday, whatever day they receive their money and can take time off. They are working for the reward, and as a result they resist work. They try to avoid the action and it becomes more difficult, and they don't do their best.

They work so hard all week long, suffering the work, suffering the action, not because they like to, but because they feel they have to. They have to work because they have to pay the rent, because they have to support their family. They have all that frustration, and when they do receive their money they are unhappy. They have two days to rest, to do what they want to do, and what do they do? They try to escape. They get drunk because they don't like themselves. They don't like their life.

Okay, again, I agree with Ruiz - but I don't see him offering any kind of practical advice or alternative. Yes, tons of people - most people, I'd say - have jobs they don't enjoy. What are you gonna do? Not everyone can be an author! (At least, an author who earns a living wage.) I don't really feel like this section was very helpful.
...

What is in the book besides these Four Agreements?

A lot of bullshit about how people are stars, we are all connected and everyone should love everyone. Some weird talk about 'being a warrior' which was not really explained and did nothing but confuse me. And some prayers that I didn't feel were particularly inspiring.

...

GREAT LINES

"No human can condemn another to hell because we are already there."

"That is why humans resist life. To be alive is the biggest fear humans have."

"Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves."
...


Another interesting thing is that Ruiz seems to have this idea:

We talk to ourselves constantly and most of the time we say things like, "Oh, I look fat, I look ugly. I am getting old, I'm losing my hair. I'm stupid, I never understand anything. I will never be good enough and I am never going to be perfect."

I've read about 85 books with this idea in it and I have to tell you it is a foreign concept to me. I never talk to myself this way. NEVER. If there are people who talk to themselves that way, I feel very sorry for them. :( I mean, other people are bad enough, I can't imagine putting YOURSELF through this kind of hell. I guess I'm lucky, because my kind of self-talk seems to be very positive and encouraging, and I think it has to be, because life is very rough. I can't imagine being an enemy to yourself like this.

Perhaps this is in so many books because it is 'normal?' Gosh, I hope not. Please, if you are the kind of person who puts yourself down, try and stop this. :( The world is such that sometimes you are the only friend you have, and if you talk to yourself like this, then that means you don't even like YOURSELF, and that is very horrible. :( Be your own friend. Be kind to yourself - because you can't count on other people being kind to you.
...

Well, that's it. I hope this review wasn't too 'woo-woo' for anyone, I tried to be real.

Pretty good concepts, although sometimes I felt that Ruiz either a.) took it too far, and b.) didn't really offer you any solutions for things he said you should avoid. A short, quick read.
...

P.S. I would just like to note that this book reads as if a 10-year-old had written it. This is not a compliment, I'm not saying, "Oh, this was easily accessible to the reader," what I'm saying is that this book has juvenile writing and it is as if you are reading something your nine-year-old wrote in English class. o.O This is no The Prophet, is what I'm saying. o.O

THIS BOOK is simple , honest with some true beautiful messages / lessons
There's a lot of truth in this small volume, the language is simple enough for anyone to understand.

I am not sure if the book gods have cursed me, because this is the second awful book I have read in as many weeks.

This book came to me highly recommended from a dear friend of mine, whom I trust and respect immensely. She told me this book was life-changing, and loaned me the copy she had passed around to many friends before me. Needless to say, I was excited to dive in. I was excited to learn some incredible life lessons and come out a changed woman.

Ha.

This book has a very simple premise, there are four agreements you should make with yourself to live a good and happy life. It sounds reasonable enough: Be Impeccable With Your Word, Don't Take Anything Personally, Don't Make Assumptions, Always Do Your Best.

At first, these all sound like they make sense and would make for a happier life. However, the book is filled with new age & strange concepts that are actually sort of dangerous in a practical sense. For example, the author tells you: don't listen to anything that any one says about you or any negative things said to you, it is purely a reflection of their own unhappiness. Erm...well...no? Not always? Sometimes people tell you difficult things because you need to hear them. If we brush off every single criticism of ourselves as a reflection of the person telling it to us, we'd be pretty arrogant, wouldn't we? The author also makes a really bizarre and harmful assertion that people in situations of domestic violence essentially *attract* negativity into their lives. Just be better and no one will hit you, I suppose? Garbage. Those are just two examples out of many where this author started with a reasonable enough concept, but took the explanation much too far.

I absolutely do not mean to disrespect these ancient teachings or whatever, but they are simply not for me. If this book changed you, that makes me happy. If you gleaned some important lessons from this read, then that is fantastic. In a sea of positive reviews and accolades, I hate to (once again) be the negative nancy. But man, this book is just bad. Really, really bad.

Ok, the Agreements are good. They seem like strong ideas that would improve life for most people. The writing is terrible. The tone of this book is self important jibber jabber. The author isn’t clear with communicating his points. I didn’t enjoy reading this book, but appreciated the Four Agreements within.