This book was timely and helped me through the loss of our daughter (stillborn at 21 weeks). It has a good balance of stories from other parents and advice and allows you to be who you are and grieve how you need to without imposing a bunch of "should" and "should not"s. I would recommend this book to anyone who has lost a child later in pregnancy or early in infant-hood - if anything can help, this will.

Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby by Deborah Davis

★★★★★

It is with a heavy heart that I had to read such a book to begin with and I can only hope that it is something that you will never have to read yourself.

I received this book at the hospital from a wonderful non-profit foundation that serves part of Colorado called A Walk to Remember. It took me some time to look at the book, let alone read it – but I am glad I did. The loss of my son at nearly 23 weeks of pregnancy was the most heart-wrenching, painful time of my life and one I hope I never have to go through again. Holding him in my arms and watching him take his last breath is one of many moments I will never forget. Nor do I ever want to forget such moments and this book lets you know that that’s ok. Your child’s life, whether ended through a miscarriage early on, stillbirth, or shortly after birth, is one to be remembered and celebrated.

This book is a good overview of the many emotions one feels at such a time and how to deal with it, how others will help (or hinder) in the process, the long emotional healing (year in many cases), physical healing, subsequent pregnancies, healthcare, and much more. While the author points out that it’s ok to skip around as it may not all pertain to one person, I found myself reading every single page (that’s a lie – I skipped over the one part on how to handle your living children during your current loss – something I don’t have to deal with). There were quotes from other parents throughout and I found them all very comforting – that feeling that others had gone through what I had to an extent (each story is different and none are exactly alike in the loss of a child) and not being alone. There was a lot of good information and resources that helped me and I plan to reread some parts as they relate more to me (such as trying for children later on) or just as a reminder.

As I said before – may you never ever have to read such a book. But if you do, this is a good one to pick up.

This author has some very helpful things to say. I imagine this updated 2016 edition has a lot of new information and insight into grieving and mourning. I especially liked the mindfulness chapter, the affirming your baby chapter, and the personal experiences. My situation was such that many chapters didn’t apply, but it was good to skim through them, anyway. Of the exercises, I found the suggestion to write a letter to your baby and also an answer from the baby to be most helpful. I also discovered that many things I have experienced are common; some of which I hadn’t even recognized.

This isn’t a particularly interesting read — kinda like a textbook. It is one that could help someone in the right frame of mind. It would have been better if there was also a chapter on early losses and miscarriage.

Confession: I didn't finish this book. But I am counting it as read. Here's why: It was an invaluable resource and genuinely helped me understand the tragedy of a loved one.

Here is why I didn't finish it: Too many people around me are experiencing the joy of pregnancy and I couldn't continue this because it filled me with terror. But it was brilliantly written and an amazing resource.

This book was very well organized with bulleted lists of key points at the end of every chapter. Unlike "Empty Arms" by Ilse, this one didn't make me feel bad about things I did or didn't do for my 39-week stillborn daughter. The quotes from mothers were also very helpful; I saw my own thoughts echoed many times. It might've been nice to include more non-mother (dad, grandparent) quotes, but it was still an excellent book I wish no one had to read.

This is the first book I read since my son died that really got it.

A few small bits are somewhat dated - for example, there are now online support groups and forums that weren't around in the early 90's, and, thankfully, people are more aware of the real losses that occur in miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death, and so are more sensitive. Doctors, family members, etc., are less likely these days to dismiss the loss, and hospitals are better at giving parents choices on whether to hold their child, dress them, etc. These aren't criticisms so much as a plea for an updated version, because the book is wonderfully helpful and healing.

The book is realistic and accessible. It doesn't tell you that you can heal quickly, or provide you with a set of one-size-fits-all steps. It doesn't give false promises. The author has worked extensively with bereaved parents, and quotes from interviews are included in each chapter without commentary. Each chapter also includes a helpful "points to remember" list at the end.

The book addresses the topic with breadth - everything from physical healing, ways to affirm your baby's existence, support networks, dealing with how the loss affects your extended family, the emotions involved in being pregnant and parenting after a loss, and more. I will be passing this book on to my baby's grandparents, since they may also find it helpful, and coming back to it as I continue finding my way through the grief process. This isn't just a one-time read - it's a handbook, a lifeline, and a source of reassurance that you are NOT crazy, you are NOT stuck, you are NOT lost, and you CAN, with time and effort, heal the wound without forgetting or dismissing your baby.

My friend recently lost a baby, and I really did not want to stick my foot in my mouth, so I picked this up from the library. Short version: grief is individualized, but the most painful part is not having it recognized as real and lingering pain, and support both family/friends and professional is vital. It was interesting. I thought the chapter on trying again was a little harrowing. All in all, I would recommend it.

Though I didn't much care for the title, after the death of my infant son I was desperate for any resource that felt like it might be even a tiny bit helpful. This book really helped me. Looking back months later what I recall is that the book validated a lot of what I was thinking and feeling and the quotes from other parents were helpful and made me feel less alone. I do recall many of the examples being stillbirth, which was not my experience but I still very much related.

One of the best books I read after the premature birth and death of my daughter. Highly recommended for anyone suffering a loss themselves, or connected to someone going through one.

GREAT book! And not to be read all in one sitting.

Woof. A hard read. I read this for a doula program and it is definitely catered to parents inside the experience of losing a child rather than those supporting them.

That said, there is a great list at the end of every chapter with salient points. The anecdotes from parents were also helpful for me as it gave me perspectives of folks that feel like my potential clients would.

If you are not reading this as a parent who is mourning, and do have a small child, it may be triggering.

This book will continue to help me as I grieve the third trimester lost of my first baby.