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welcome to...A FEBRUARY TO ARMS.
you know it, you love it. a bad month and title pun, an intimidating book, and me, at the beginning-ish of february. it's another installment of project long classics, in which every(ish) month i read a long(ish) classic in small(ish) chunks to make them less scary.
because i'm picky about what i read. unless you put it on a list titled "books you must read in a lifetime." then i'm falling for it every time.
CHAPTER 1
this entire chapter was about 2 pages long and made up of a) setting description and b) one quick crack about the military not caring about lives lost.
i am so locked in.
CHAPTER 2
i traveled through europe for a bit in the fall with my sisters, and it's like i invented the concept of europe. i have become the stereotype of Annoying Girl Who Visits Somewhere And Makes It My Whole Personality.
all of this to say i'm having fun just reading dialogue listing places in italy.
CHAPTER 3
the dialogue in this! snappy! we've got a bunch of yappers on our hands!
CHAPTER 4
the thing about the authors i love, like hemingway and fitzgerald and steinbeck and salinger, is that everyone says it's a red flag to love them because they're super Male and Sexist.
so what is wrong with me for thinking they write the most interesting women.
CHAPTER 5
a hemingway romance moves pretty fast. if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
CHAPTER 6
okay never mind about what i said. this girl is crazy.
CHAPTER 7
i was reading an ebook copy of this but enjoying it enough that when i found the same edition in a bookstore, i bought it. to which my boyfriend said, "is that the book bradley cooper throws out the window in silver linings playbook?"
correct.
CHAPTER 8
this chapter ends in hemingway's version of a cliffhanger, which is when he does one of his long paragraphs of scenery and then abruptly stops.
CHAPTER 9
hemingway has this way of making things that should be clichéd and trite feel totally new. having anti-war dialogue in which the protagonist is pro and then is shelled and the horrors come to him...i knew it was coming but i felt jarred and convinced by it anyway.
CHAPTER 10
dialogue city. i love it.
CHAPTER 11
this is one of those moments where you're like, "oh, i love this character so much and i can't wait for him to have his happy life at home...oh he is going to die isn't he."
CHAPTER 12
we come to the end of book one, injured, on a train, and at war.
it reminds me of my college days.
CHAPTER 13
if i had to deal with a grave war wound to my legs without the marvels of modern medicine, i'd sure like to do so in italy.
CHAPTER 14
"when i saw her i was in love with her. everything turned over inside of me."
they did instalove better in the old days.
CHAPTER 15
more doctors should be italian men who give you a little kiss on the forehead for being brave.
CHAPTER 16
closed door sex scenes have nothing on hemingway's. he doesn't even say, like, "time passed." there's just a vague implication pages later.
CHAPTER 17
i have to say, being wounded in a mostly empty hospital in the 1940s isn't sounding like the stuff of nightmares i expected it to be.
CHAPTER 18
all this "we don't need to be married by the state to be married in our hearts" stuff is nice and romantic until you remember it was the olden days and the punishment for unmarried women was like, being hung up by the toes or tested for witch marks.
CHAPTER 19
everyone is way too happy for the not even halfway mark. untold horrors await.
CHAPTER 20
catherine barkley being like "there's way too many people here...can't we just get drunk by ourselves and bet on stuff." she's just like me for real.
CHAPTER 21
three months pregnant and still getting offered cognac in a hospital room. it was a simpler time.
CHAPTER 22
whoever heard of a vacation getting canceled because you're having too good of a time? (read: our protagonist lost his convalescent leave because he dabbled in alcoholism)
CHAPTER 23
sam in the comments said "the scene in the hotel room is easily the most important and most impressive," so i was a bit starstruck to stumble across it.
it is damn good.
CHAPTER 24
and thus we end book two. melancholy as hell.
CHAPTER 25
we are told that war has been very bad while we were away, but mostly so far it's been spaghetti dinners and sex jokes. foreboding.
CHAPTER 26
i cannot stress enough how much i dread the certain death of the priest. they don't make characters this sympathetic to give them happily ever afters, i'll tell you that.
CHAPTER 27
today it occurs to me just how much better this book is than for whom the bell tolls. tell that to their respective goodreads average ratings, i guess.
CHAPTER 28
happy valentine's day! we're spending it in the front seat of a car on the way to war, where two girls just hopped in and now we're desperately trying to convey that we aren't going to do anything untoward through a language barrier via asking if they're virgins.
the most romantic celebration.
CHAPTER 29
well, we just shot at a couple of random sergeants who were hanging out with us for a while and i do believe were on our side, so. i am losing the thread a bit here.
CHAPTER 30
if there is one thing i feel qualified to say that hemingway loves writing about, it's bridges that may or may not be on the cusp of exploding.
now i feel bad for being cavalier about the bridge, considering our first truly evil act of war was witnessed at the other end of it.
CHAPTER 31
a train stowaway moment! man, the action came out of nowhere in this one.
CHAPTER 32
and so we end book three, cold, wet, hungry, miserable, and lonely. typical boston winter.
CHAPTER 33
there is a part in this chapter where the main character eats three sandwiches and drinks martinis and i know in my heart that i'm not a martini drinker but damn it sounds good.
CHAPTER 34
i can't stress enough that if my friend were pregnant and unmarried during world war i i would also scream at the guy who knocked her up and cry at a dinner.
oh wait is THIS the hotel scene...too many hotels. this one is good too.
CHAPTER 35
i bet i would be more into fishing too if it was on a lake in italy and they had a bartender who rowed out to you.
CHAPTER 36
we are well and truly on the run. and i want a sandwich again.
CHAPTER 37
in this chapter is where i decide forever that catherine barkley is an angel from heaven. she spends all night in some shoddy canoe in the cold rain, sometimes rowing, and the whole time she's thinking about rolls and jam and butter and when she gets to breakfast they don't have any of it. i can't stress enough how i would ruin everyone's day if i were her.
and thus we end book 5.
CHAPTER 38
there is truly nothing funnier in this whole book than catherine barkley saying she'll drink another beer because the doctor says it'll keep the baby nice and small. THAT is literature. THAT is history.
but catherine saying that she wished she'd known all of our protagonist's exes so she could make fun of them to him is also pretty good.
CHAPTER 39
everything is so romantic and happy here in switzerland. we have just enough time left for it to all fall apart.
CHAPTER 40
it is a marvel that there is a surviving generation of babies born in the world war i era. this level of drinking is flabbergasting me.
CHAPTER 41
I SEE WHY BRADLEY COOPER THREW THIS GODDAMN BOOK OUT THE F*CKING WINDOW.
OVERALL
this book has remarkably little to do with war, which is kind of a surprise considering 100% of its synopsis and marketing revolves around it being The Great American WWI Novel, but it does have some very memorable characters.
even if it does upset me a bit to think that the boys from All Quiet on the Western Front probably would've loved to spend the wartime drinking wine in italy. the best war novels convey the utter soullessness of it, and while this shows the brutal moments of life, it sure doesn't do that.
rating: 3.5
you know it, you love it. a bad month and title pun, an intimidating book, and me, at the beginning-ish of february. it's another installment of project long classics, in which every(ish) month i read a long(ish) classic in small(ish) chunks to make them less scary.
because i'm picky about what i read. unless you put it on a list titled "books you must read in a lifetime." then i'm falling for it every time.
CHAPTER 1
this entire chapter was about 2 pages long and made up of a) setting description and b) one quick crack about the military not caring about lives lost.
i am so locked in.
CHAPTER 2
i traveled through europe for a bit in the fall with my sisters, and it's like i invented the concept of europe. i have become the stereotype of Annoying Girl Who Visits Somewhere And Makes It My Whole Personality.
all of this to say i'm having fun just reading dialogue listing places in italy.
CHAPTER 3
the dialogue in this! snappy! we've got a bunch of yappers on our hands!
CHAPTER 4
the thing about the authors i love, like hemingway and fitzgerald and steinbeck and salinger, is that everyone says it's a red flag to love them because they're super Male and Sexist.
so what is wrong with me for thinking they write the most interesting women.
CHAPTER 5
a hemingway romance moves pretty fast. if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
CHAPTER 6
okay never mind about what i said. this girl is crazy.
CHAPTER 7
i was reading an ebook copy of this but enjoying it enough that when i found the same edition in a bookstore, i bought it. to which my boyfriend said, "is that the book bradley cooper throws out the window in silver linings playbook?"
correct.
CHAPTER 8
this chapter ends in hemingway's version of a cliffhanger, which is when he does one of his long paragraphs of scenery and then abruptly stops.
CHAPTER 9
hemingway has this way of making things that should be clichéd and trite feel totally new. having anti-war dialogue in which the protagonist is pro and then is shelled and the horrors come to him...i knew it was coming but i felt jarred and convinced by it anyway.
CHAPTER 10
dialogue city. i love it.
CHAPTER 11
this is one of those moments where you're like, "oh, i love this character so much and i can't wait for him to have his happy life at home...oh he is going to die isn't he."
CHAPTER 12
we come to the end of book one, injured, on a train, and at war.
it reminds me of my college days.
CHAPTER 13
if i had to deal with a grave war wound to my legs without the marvels of modern medicine, i'd sure like to do so in italy.
CHAPTER 14
"when i saw her i was in love with her. everything turned over inside of me."
they did instalove better in the old days.
CHAPTER 15
more doctors should be italian men who give you a little kiss on the forehead for being brave.
CHAPTER 16
closed door sex scenes have nothing on hemingway's. he doesn't even say, like, "time passed." there's just a vague implication pages later.
CHAPTER 17
i have to say, being wounded in a mostly empty hospital in the 1940s isn't sounding like the stuff of nightmares i expected it to be.
CHAPTER 18
all this "we don't need to be married by the state to be married in our hearts" stuff is nice and romantic until you remember it was the olden days and the punishment for unmarried women was like, being hung up by the toes or tested for witch marks.
CHAPTER 19
everyone is way too happy for the not even halfway mark. untold horrors await.
CHAPTER 20
catherine barkley being like "there's way too many people here...can't we just get drunk by ourselves and bet on stuff." she's just like me for real.
CHAPTER 21
three months pregnant and still getting offered cognac in a hospital room. it was a simpler time.
CHAPTER 22
whoever heard of a vacation getting canceled because you're having too good of a time? (read: our protagonist lost his convalescent leave because he dabbled in alcoholism)
CHAPTER 23
sam in the comments said "the scene in the hotel room is easily the most important and most impressive," so i was a bit starstruck to stumble across it.
it is damn good.
CHAPTER 24
and thus we end book two. melancholy as hell.
CHAPTER 25
we are told that war has been very bad while we were away, but mostly so far it's been spaghetti dinners and sex jokes. foreboding.
CHAPTER 26
i cannot stress enough how much i dread the certain death of the priest. they don't make characters this sympathetic to give them happily ever afters, i'll tell you that.
CHAPTER 27
today it occurs to me just how much better this book is than for whom the bell tolls. tell that to their respective goodreads average ratings, i guess.
CHAPTER 28
happy valentine's day! we're spending it in the front seat of a car on the way to war, where two girls just hopped in and now we're desperately trying to convey that we aren't going to do anything untoward through a language barrier via asking if they're virgins.
the most romantic celebration.
CHAPTER 29
well, we just shot at a couple of random sergeants who were hanging out with us for a while and i do believe were on our side, so. i am losing the thread a bit here.
CHAPTER 30
if there is one thing i feel qualified to say that hemingway loves writing about, it's bridges that may or may not be on the cusp of exploding.
now i feel bad for being cavalier about the bridge, considering our first truly evil act of war was witnessed at the other end of it.
CHAPTER 31
a train stowaway moment! man, the action came out of nowhere in this one.
CHAPTER 32
and so we end book three, cold, wet, hungry, miserable, and lonely. typical boston winter.
CHAPTER 33
there is a part in this chapter where the main character eats three sandwiches and drinks martinis and i know in my heart that i'm not a martini drinker but damn it sounds good.
CHAPTER 34
i can't stress enough that if my friend were pregnant and unmarried during world war i i would also scream at the guy who knocked her up and cry at a dinner.
oh wait is THIS the hotel scene...too many hotels. this one is good too.
CHAPTER 35
i bet i would be more into fishing too if it was on a lake in italy and they had a bartender who rowed out to you.
CHAPTER 36
we are well and truly on the run. and i want a sandwich again.
CHAPTER 37
in this chapter is where i decide forever that catherine barkley is an angel from heaven. she spends all night in some shoddy canoe in the cold rain, sometimes rowing, and the whole time she's thinking about rolls and jam and butter and when she gets to breakfast they don't have any of it. i can't stress enough how i would ruin everyone's day if i were her.
and thus we end book 5.
CHAPTER 38
there is truly nothing funnier in this whole book than catherine barkley saying she'll drink another beer because the doctor says it'll keep the baby nice and small. THAT is literature. THAT is history.
but catherine saying that she wished she'd known all of our protagonist's exes so she could make fun of them to him is also pretty good.
CHAPTER 39
everything is so romantic and happy here in switzerland. we have just enough time left for it to all fall apart.
CHAPTER 40
it is a marvel that there is a surviving generation of babies born in the world war i era. this level of drinking is flabbergasting me.
CHAPTER 41
I SEE WHY BRADLEY COOPER THREW THIS GODDAMN BOOK OUT THE F*CKING WINDOW.
OVERALL
this book has remarkably little to do with war, which is kind of a surprise considering 100% of its synopsis and marketing revolves around it being The Great American WWI Novel, but it does have some very memorable characters.
even if it does upset me a bit to think that the boys from All Quiet on the Western Front probably would've loved to spend the wartime drinking wine in italy. the best war novels convey the utter soullessness of it, and while this shows the brutal moments of life, it sure doesn't do that.
rating: 3.5