Right I’m done with this.
I’ve just gotten to the part where this idiot likens emotion regulation to “slave-owning” & then goes on to say if you don’t manage your slaves they’ll be coming into your mansion & breaking into your liquor cabinet... ?!
I can see why this book had its success back in the day, but there are actually hundreds of books that cover the same information that are so much better & actually based on research rather than the personal experiences of an egotistical privileged upper class white boy.
He uses generalisations like “these kinds of women” & other language that hints at an underlying misogyny & homophobia. There are odd conservative ideas such as that the giddiness of “falling in love” is to enable us to get through the fear of marrying someone (how does that make sense, scientifically-speaking, since marriage is our invention & not a biological necessity?!) And promiscuity is only mentioned in the context of being a symptom of mental illness in ONLY female patients.
He’s basically giving his own subjective conclusions as fact, & it’s clear his perspective is very much narrowed to that of a rich white straight man.
This book should have aged out - there are plenty of better authors to go to. Skip this cringe-fest.

I've got this book as a gift and it was worth reading it so I know how not to write a book! It is really religiously biased and outdated. I understand that this book is about spiritual growth, yet when there are sub-chapters about paranormal activities and then the author states that "The most striking feature of the process of physical evolution is that it is a miracle" (p.252) the book loses any real value. It is nothing more than a superstitious christian nonsense tentatively packed as a serious book written by a physician.

What I liked:
1) There are a lot of great content about importance of discipline, balance, constructive separation and geniun love in this book. I recommend this book to couples and people who want happiness and sucess in longterm relationships.
2) I found this book very practical and applicable to daily life. Full of suggestions that can be small starts but over time can make huge difference in our lives.
3) Unlike many other books about spiritual growth, this book doesn't exaggerate or downplay important factors and shows that there are many factors to consider.
4)There is no shortcut to growth, instead time, dedication, discipline and effort is needed to build a good life. Simply there is no one big secret to know, or only one rule to follow.

What I did not like:
I think this book need a revision: 1) Some paragraphs and examples are very long.
2) Adding subcategories would make it easier for reader to follow and revert back and reference when needed

قبل أن أنتهي من قراءة هذا الكتاب تمامًا، قمت بإهداء نسختين لأشخاص عزيزين. استعنت به كأحد المراجع الرئيسية في كتابي وهم الإنجاز: كيف يتحرك العامة وماذا يحفزهم.

فِهم الإنسان واستيعابه لخريطته في الحياة شيء شيء أكثر من ضروري. وهو ما يحاول أن يعلمك إياه. يعتقد بيك أن الكسل هو الدافع الأكبر لعدم نمو الإنسان، فهو كسول في العمل، وهو كسول في عدم رغبته أو استعداده لتقبل الأمور الجديدة والأفكار غير المألوفة، يضع الكسل كأحد الشخصيتين اللتين في داخل كل إنسان، وغالبًا هي من تفوز على الأخرى.

كتاب استثنائي في تفاصيله، وعميق جدًا

Hätte das buch zu keiner passenderen zeit lesen können als jetzt. Mega gut logisch strukturiert und thematisch mächtig und hilfreich.

Considering this book is a classic and seems to remain popular until today, I was hoping to find some timeless wisdom between its pages. At the beginning it seemed almost promising, as Peck describes how humans often don't accept suffering and their neuroses come from an attempt to avoid suffering, which is an interesting insight. He also talks of the importance of self-discipline and how love is hard work and laziness is the opposite of love. At this point I'm interested by the argument though not sure where I stand on it.

Eventually I notice as he is describing case studies, most of which are quite interesting, that he does not always seem to completely respect the patients he speaks of. And then there is a sentence that seems to suggest that homosexuality is a mental illness ... am I reading too much into it? Suddenly there is a slave owning metaphor, saying we have to keep to keep our feelings in check or they will raid the liquor cabinets! With more segments like this adding up, my feelings toward this author begin to darken.

By the end of the book he is talking almost exclusively about Christianity and the supernatural, saying that atheists like me suffer from 'scientific tunnel vision' whereas religion is much more broadminded. He encourages those of us who don't believe you can telepathically affect people's dreams to look up a specific study. I did so and found the study was poorly conducted and the results never replicated. There were many more unfounded assertions like this (such as good coincidences happen more than bad coincidences ergo God exists).

I just couldn't take this guy seriously anymore - and what makes me angry is that he is an educated psychologist speaking from a position of authority. In my opinion he is abusing this authority by putting forward many things as fact on the basis of no solid evidence or research. It's safe to say my expectations were not met!!

I started this book 2 months ago, which is a long time according to my standards, however, I don't regret it one bit.
The road less travelled is about spiritual growth, and how very few of us actually venture and take the leap of faith in that direction.
The first chapter defines discipline as "a system of techniques of dealing constructively with the pain of problem-solving -instead of avoiding that pain- in such a way that all of life's problems can be solved". It attributes our lack of discipline to inadequate parenting and the lack of the feeling valued by our parents. Then it explains 4 methods to solve this issue, which are: delaying gratification, assuming responsibilty, dedication to reality, and balancing. With some insight on neurosis, character disorders, when to withhold truth, the healthiness of depression and how it signals that a major change should be made in our maps.

The 2nd chapter "love" reveals that falling in love is not real love, and that eventually people fall out of love. That is because real love is an action, a commitment to the spiritual growth of oneself and of others. It also explains that dependency, cathexis and self-sacrifice are all mistaken for genuine love, which should be disciplined and promoting of separateness and independence.

The 3rd chapter starts by stating that everyone has a religion; "everyone has some understanding -some world view, no matter how limited or primitive or inaccurate". It also narrates 3 different cases that demonstrate how people can grow into religion or out of it.

The 4th chapter is about grace. It explains that serendipity is the gift of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for, and that grace is "the powerful force originating outside of human consciousness which nurtures the spiritual growth of human beings". While I find myself unable to believe in grace or that the aim of spiritual growth is to become one with God, I was glad to learn of the force of entropy represented in our laziness "which is the lack of love", and that evil is real; "there really are people, and institutions made up of people, who respond with hatred in the presence of goodness and would destroy the good insofar as it is in their power to do so. They do this not with conscious malice but blindly, lacking awareness of their own evil-indeed, seeking to avoid any such awareness". This part was particulary terrifying; because that's what I believe in.

It ends by encouraging us to be open to grace, to welcome it whenever it comes, to prepare ourselves by becoming disciplined, wholly loving individuals, but to not actively seek it. "The awareness of the existence of grace can be of considerable assistance to those who have chosen to travel the difficult path of spiritual growth. For this awareness will facilitate their journey in at least three ways: it will help them to take advantage of grace along the way; it will give them a surer sense of direction; and it will provide encouragement."
I was not particulary impressed by this part about grace since I don't know whether I believe in it. However, as I take further steps along this road, I am sure that I will find an answer that satisfies me.

All in all, this book has changed my life in some subtle ways, it taught me that most of the time we don't "really" listen, and that in order to do so we must make a commitment and give our full attention even if what is being said bored the hell out of us. Caring is just that.
It also taught me to take full responsibilty of whatever happens to me, not to blame society or family or fate, and that to express anger one should think and reflect upon the best way to do that, not to head on blindly in the heat of the moment; because our emotions are our slaves, not the other way around...and some balance need be established between them and their masters "us".
It also taught me that we're all lazy to some degree, we don't want to live a life in constant thinking and reflection, yet this is the only way to grow. We all choose the easy way out, refusing to take responsibilty or to change our opinions and behaviours, yet this leads to a conflict between the conscious mind and the unconscious "who realizes that change must happen".
It also taught me that life is full of pain, and that trying to avoid that pain is never successful. It is only by facing it head on, by listening to our unconscious minds and adjusting our maps of reality and by actively extending ourselves to help nurture others, and consequently ourselves, do we take steps on the road less travelled, the road to spiritual growth.

Looking forward to reading other M. Scott Peck books! :'D

I have owned this book since I believe 1980 or so, but consider this a book, everyone should have on their life travel.

⚫️”Kai jums reikia kito žmogaus tam, kad pats išgyventumėte, jūs parazituojate šio asmens sąskaita.”

⚫️”Tikroji meilė nėra mus užvaldantis jausmas. Ji yra įsipareigojimas ir apgalvotas sprendimas.”

⚫️”Vienintelis tikras saugumas gyvenime yra mėgavimasis gyvenimo nesaugumu.”

I first read this book more than thirty years ago, as a seventeen-year-old high school student. Wow, it was quite a trip to re-read it. I remembered my teenage mind being blown away by it, and I remembered it being pretty formative. Revisiting it with the perspective of so many years having passed, it's strange to think that if I were only coming to it for the first time now, I very well might be reading it as a completely different person having lived a completely life - that's how influential it was for me. Some of the ideals and values in it I internalized to such an extent that I had completely forgotten that I'd first come across them in this book, and it's strange to realize how much they're still with me: the idea of love as nurturing one's own and others' spiritual growth, the ideals of love as a work of attention, listening, understanding, courage, risk-taking, balancing, self-discipline, continual learning and growth, radical honesty and openness, unstinting commitment to the truth, honoring others' separateness and independence ...

I remember thinking not long ago: I have always been more of a risk-taker than most of my friends and acquaintances, is this really just an innate personality difference, or is something more going on there? And it's like, oh yeah, it's not just personality, it's also my values, because at the age of seventeen I committed myself to this whole spiritual path thing and decided that one of things I valued most in the world was courage - I resolved that genuine love requires enormous courage, and I wanted to be a genuinely loving person; I came to believe most of the evil that people do to each other comes out of the absence of courage - cowardice or laziness or both. And, oh yeah, those ideas came directly out of this book, and shaped my life profoundly.

It's funny that so much of it at seventeen was so far beyond my ken - ideas he drops in like how the only healthy kind of marriage is open marriage, and how it's necessary to grow beyond received "hand-me-down" religious beliefs and formulate one's own belief system and religion and values for oneself in order to be mentally healthy, and yet people who abandon religion as part of their growth process also then often end up coming back to spirituality in some form or another as they continue forward on their path of self-development. But again, with the perspective of three decades looking back, a lot of it turns out to have been weirdly prophetic.

Of course, it's far from a perfect book or a perfect system of thought, and I can also see now things that were missing from it and things that may even have been problematic - in some ways, it's a bleak and austere worldview where you're not allowed to give yourself a break and just enjoy life, or just be, without always needing to push yourself to become better and reach your highest potential. It doesn't really tell you much about how to cope with grief and loss or trauma on any kind of practical level. It is highly suspicious of emotions as opposed to will and "the feeling of love" as opposed to the ideal of self-sacrificing, active love, love as Christian charity, love as a form of psychotherapy - to an extent that I now think is kind of blinkered and unhealthy. It way overemphasizes marriage, as if it were some kind of sole legitimate path of growth. It's lacking some insights about people's needs for intimacy and how to combat loneliness. Peck emphasizes that the path of spiritual growth is a path of aloneness, which is true, but isn't the whole story, I don't think - it also has to be a path of connection, of letting go of the need and desire to be on some sort of higher plane than other people so that one can't relate to their weaknesses and flaws and mistakes.

Would I recommend this book to other people, now, thirty year later? Yes, with the caveat that not only does it require some patience with its flaws, and some open-mindedness about religion and spirituality, but also that reading it is like going through therapy, meaning that it may stir extremely painful reflections and memories, and you might cry a lot of the way through, but then come out the other end feeling better, and like it was a painful surgery that ultimately made you healthier and stronger.

The author touches on several topics that are polarizing. As such, I can understand the need to point out that the author’s approach has flaws. But if you can move past your initial “political” reaction to some of his comments, you’ll find the book full of powerful truths. The most powerful of which is that we have the capacity to become like God (though I don’t know that the author would agree to my literal interpretation of his words).

A timeless classic explains the basic human relationships. The book is decades old but contains a lot of fundamentals of being human. What stood out the most to me:
- love is the highest form of spirituality.
- falling in love is very different from true love. True love requires work every single day. True love is often found when you actually find it hard to love your partner but you make effort to.
- a mother who does everything for her child and forget to take care of herself is not true love. It’s the act of satisfying the mother’s emotional needs instead of letting her child grow to be a better human, as an individual.
- if you want somebody because he/she provides you care, money… It’s parasitism, not love.
- the love of your parents (or lack of), your childhood will define your spiritual growth. It’s very difficult, if not almost impossible , to be a loving person if you were abused, neglected as a child.
- very interesting take on polygamy. Although rare but a person can truly love more than one person. However, it’s rare because you need to be strong enough to work on true love with multiple people every day. Most ppl don’t have that emotion capability.
- laziness is the enemy of spiritual growth and we’re all guilty of it to some extent.

Probably there many more but I will need to re-read this book another time. Definitely i’m very content to read this one as my 2nd book of 2022.