What's Wrong with Same-Sex Marriage?

I decided to read this book because of the UK Government consultation on gay civil marriage which is currently taking place. I wanted to read one book arguing the Christian case for gay marriage, one arguing against and one which takes a middle ground position. This book is the case against.

For me this book did not make the case against. I am a priest, mother and a community activist working on HIV prevention and on human rights for gay and lesbian people in countries where they are persecuted because of their sexuality. I felt that there is much in this book that is based on unhelpful gay stereotypes and which for me just do not ring true in the light of my own work and experience. I recognise this book was written in 2004 and for the UK we have had legalised same sex partnerships since that year. I think time and experience shows us that many assumptions we make about homosexuality are not true and that the lives of gay men and women are deeply diverse. Stereotypes about homosexuality are therefore unhelpful, particularly when considering the issue of marriage. It appeared to me that the underlying position of this book is that gay people are really just disobedient heterosexuals who can be saved from their ways through counselling and therapy. In the UK the Royal College of Psychiatry has said that this is simply not the case. I do not know whether therapy works or not. Opinion is divided, but if some people have found it helpful that may be good for them, but this should not then be used as a parameter to judge every one else.

I also had other concerns about this book. There were underlying assumptions which I found unhelpful and these included assumptions about the role of women, about marriage and also to my surprise about Islam! There are many countries in the world today where marriage is polygamous. Polygamous marriage is also accepted in some Islamic nations. I found it some what offensive that these kinds of marriages were written off as being 'tribal'. The institution of marriage does not belong exclusively to the Christian faith or indeed to societies in the global North. Within other cultures and religions marriage may take other forms and within these societies polygamous marriages are not regarded as less than monogamous forms of marriage. What this shows us is that there are diverse forms of heterosexual marriage.

The book also paid lip service to the real complexities and difficulties, and real pain that people can experience in marriage. It is not all sweetness and light. Marriage is good but it does not always work and indeed may cause the destruction of family life. In the UK two women a week are killed by their husbands or partners. This book also suggests that divorce is now easily available, but I do not believe that divorce is something people enter into lightly. In may countries in Africa because of the prevalence of HIV women contract HIV when they enter into marriage. In these situations marriage has not been a good thing. The reason for the prevalence of HIV and AIDS in Africa is far more complex than ‘widescale promiscuity and poor hygiene conditions’ as the book states on page 90. Human frailty in so many forms makes life complex. The book fails to acknowledge that no matter what sexual orientation we have, we are all frail and human and experience brokeness in all kinds of ways.

There were some assumptions about HIV and about the sexual practices of gay men. Not all gay men have anal sex. In numerical terms there are actually more heterosexuals who have anal sex than gay people. HIV is not a gay disease. In Africa and in many places HIV is found in greater numbers amongst people who are heterosexual, with women carrying the burden of HIV and AIDS. There are many African women who are alive today because of the treatment activism of gay men and women in the 1980's.

There has always been conflict between religions and yet this book found the space to allude to some Islamic conspiracy to over take the world. This sits alongside the way the book portrays gay people as the enemy. Simply dreadful. It makes a mockery of what could be genuine concerns. The book has taken negative stereotypes of all kinds and articulated them as the enemy, the scapegoat. This is why this book failed for me.

I am very conscious of the fact that I am reading this book from the UK and from my own experience, but this book is unhelpful. Too many negative stereotypes, uniformed underlying assumptions on a number of issues, and much that I would describe as scaremongering. The issue of sexual diversity will remain a priority for societies for many years to come. Hopefully as time progresses we will grown in our understanding of human sexuality and gender identity. Until then we should tread gently. The issue of gay marriage and of homosexuality and how the church should respond is a complex one, and it deserves thoughtful theological reflection. I cannot commend this book at all and so I have given it one star.

The main point of this book is simply: Homosexuality is a sin, and marriage is for one man and one woman (which I wholeheartedly agree with).

Most of the arguments within this book concern the damaging effects of legalized same-sex marriage. Unfortunately, some of his arguments seemed a bit hyperbolic. Additionally, he seemed to appeal to the emotions more often than I would have liked.

Ultimately, the message was clear and concise. However, this is not a comprehensive book. If you're looking for a brief introduction to the issue, then this is a fine book to read. Otherwise, I suggest finding another book that is more scholarly.

The basis of this shit book: Gay people want all people to be gay and tolerating gay marriage means you've become gay. Being gay will give you AIDs, make you a pedophile, and this is all the feminists fault. Also, I stole this book.

I thought this was a general overview over why same-sex marriage is a bad idea for society. I was somewhat disappointed that this was not the case. This is not even directed at the general public. It seems to be primarily a call to action for Christian conservatives in the U.S. (and a bit outdated at that). Another disappointment is that it is not very well referenced. A significant portion of the references are to transcripts of interviews on Coral Ridge Ministries-TV. However, I'm giving it 4 stars because the last three chapters make a fairly devastating case against same-sex marriage. That is, if you trust what D. James Kennedy had to say. From prior experience, I trust what he had to say until proven otherwise.

D. James Kennedy and Jerry Newcombe's book was published after same sex marriage was legalized in Massachusetts. To the authors, this means "our very civilization is at stake" (p. 34). All sorts of terrible things will happen if gays are allowed to marry. And of course, gays don't really WANT to marry ("homosexuals don't live faithful lives", p. 28). The evil gays are just out to "destroy marriage" (p. 32), perhaps in order to "adopt all of the unwanted children of America to bring them up with their lifestyle with their way of thinking" (quote by Dave Gibbs III, p. 35) and "shove this issue in our faces" (p. 73). And who knows what's next? Gay marriage will obviously open "Pandora's box in the legalization of all sexual perversions." (p. 34).

Obviously, America is doomed. And it's the feminists' fault. Women should have stayed home and been good housewives. Now that they've put on the pants in their family, they've put their son in a skirt (p. 109)

The authors repeat the tired old "hate the sin, love the sinner" mantra, but they show no love, only distaste and contempt for the homosexuals. Good thing for Kennedy he's not alive to see the SCOTUS ruling on marriage equality.

TWO EVANGELICAL AUTHORS STRONGLY REJECT SAME-SEX MARRIAGE

The two authors wrote in the Introduction to this 2004 book, “the institution of marriage is in dep trouble in our time. Thanks to liberal court decisions, marriage is being redefined---and significantly cheapened… Same-sex marriage. When you think about it, it’s an oxymoron. If it’s marriage then by definition it’s between a man and a woman. This short book examines this crisis and looks at what the Bible has to say and what steps we can take to counter it. We discuss a strategy for change on two fronts: 1) conversion for homosexuals who want to change… and 2) the push for a Federal Marriage Amendment---to take such a vital issue out of the hands of activist judges.” (Pg. 11)

They state, “it is interesting that gays want to marry. What is it that they really want? Is it just that they want to get married? No. A number of their leaders have said that they don’t really want matrimony. Why, all the legal entanglement that involves would only take away their freedom, which is the essence of their whole lives. The idea of ‘til death do us part’ and monogamous relations is utterly abominable to them. So what do they want?.... activist leaders have said what they want is to destroy marriage altogether.” (Pg. 23)

They state, “Today people sometimes say that Jesus never condemned homosexuality. This only shows their ignorance. When He condemned ‘porneia,’ He certainly condemned homosexuality. And in Matthew 15:19 and mark 7:21 Jesus did indeed condemn ‘porneia,’ from which our modern word ‘pornography’ is derived. This word is translated as ‘sexual immorality in some of our English translations, but it really stands for a multitude of sexual sins, all condemned in the Old Testament Law: premarital sex, adultery, homosexuality, incest, bestiality. Furthermore, Jesus put His seal of approval on the Old Testament as God’s Word (Matt 5:17-19), and, again, the Old Testament condemns homosexuality as well.” (Pg. 54)

They also suggest that since some Gays and Lesbians were molested as children, children adopted by them are at risk. (Pg. 58)

They caution, "Homosexuality is destructive to society because there can be no natural offspring. The West is currently on a self-destructive course. From birth control to abortion, we are not multiplying. When you add in the growing homosexual population, we are decreasing. In contrast to the Western one or two children per household, the Muslims are having about ten to twelve, and they keep growing… We don’t want to be alarmists here, but we must not forget that the Muslims are waiting in the wing. It is the goal now---and ever has been---for Islam to take over the whole world.” (Pg. 67)

They assert, “Note well: Neither adulterers not fornicators nor homosexuals have any inheritance in the kingdom of God. Do not be deceived, though many today are deceived. Thankfully, Paul goes on to say, ‘And such WERE some of you...’ (1 Cor 6:11)… but they were changed by the power of the gospel.” (Pg. 79)

After citing testimonies of ‘Ex-Gays’ and ‘Ex-Lesbians,’ they conclude, “Look at the brokenness expressed in the above testimonials. Are we as a society willing to put millions of children at risk for this kind of emotional brokenness, not to mention the myriad of diseases, in order to satisfy the whims of the homosexual activists and a few unelected judges? America is at a crossroads. If we fully embrace same-sex marriage, there will be far more young men and women in our society brought down into the mire of sexual sin. We should listen to what these ex-gays have to say: Don’t normalize homosexuality by accepting same-sex marriage.” (Pg. 121)

Of course, same-sex marriage is now legal in all 50 states---and Islam has not taken over the country, nor are our children seemingly at more risk than previously (except from wackos wielding AR-15’s, of course). And ‘Ex-Gay’ ministries such as Exodus International, Love In Action, and Outpost are either disbanded, or have suffered the embarrassment of having leaders resign after admitting they were still Gay.