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((Absolutely hilarious quotes at the end of the review, feel free to skip the review and read some of the cringiest lines written perhaps in the entire 20th century.))
Zero redeeming qualities. Do not waste your time on this garbage. It starts crap and just gets crapper and crapper. I wasn't even expecting much, just a fun adventure mystery with cryptology and outdated nostalgic takes on technology and the NSA. While it does deliver about 5 paragraph's worth of that throughout the 400+ page book, the rest is filled with crap characters, story, and prose, plus casual sexual harassment, cringey male power fantasy, and creepy male gaze crap.
Like, I get it, this isn't high class literature. But it's like frozen pizza. It's not meant to be as good as the real thing, but it's meant to satisfy while being cheap and easy. This book is like if you bought a frozen pizza and it had literal human feces for toppings. That's how crap it is. It's an insult to good pop fiction.
The first two Langdon books were guilty pleasures of mine when I read them years ago. Maybe they're worse than I remember, or perhaps there is something about that series that's different than Digital Fortress, Dan Brown's first novel. But even if you're a fan of the Langdon series and interested in reading this book, seriously, do not waste your time.
Also, while I usually roll my eyes when a reviewer says they guessed the villain early, I LITERALLY guessed the villain in his introduction scene on page freaking 25, it was that painfully obvious.
Here are some ironically hilarious quotes (but trust me, the book takes itself very seriously so don't think reading it you'll find more of this).
> Jabba resembled a giant tadpole. Like the cinematic creature for whom he was nicknamed, the man was a hairless spheroid.
> "How the hell are you?" "No complaints." Jabba wiped his mouth. "You on site?" "Yup." "Care to join me for a calzone?" "Love to Jabba, but I'm watching these hips." "Really?" He snickered. "Mind if I join you?" "You're bad." "You have no idea."
> The motley assortment of drunken and drugged-out kids at the nearby tables were now in hysterics. Two-Tone stood up and sneered at Becker. "What the fuck do you want from me?" Becker thought a moment. I want you to wash your hair, clean up your language, and get a job. Becker figured it was too much to ask on a first meeting. "I need some information," he said. "Fuck you." "I'm looking for someone." "I ain't seen him." "Haven't seen him," Becker corrected.
> The air felt caustic in her windpipe.
> Two thin lines had appeared outside the concentric circles. They looked like sperm trying to breach a reluctant egg.
> Susan turned to Soshi. "I need access to the Web. Is there a browser here?" Soshi nodded. "Netscape's sweetest." Susan grabbed her hand. "Come on. We're going surfing."
> Becker was dark--a rugged, youthful thirty-five with sharp green eyes and a wit to match. His strong jaw and taut features reminded Susan of carved marble. Over six feet tall, Becker moved across a squash court faster than any of his colleagues could comprehend. After soundly beating his opponent, he would cool off by dousing his head in a drinking fountain and soaking his tuft of thick, black hair. Then, still dripping, he'd treat his opponent to a fruit shake and a bagel. (((this character, the main character of the book, has identical initials as the author. gross.)))
Zero redeeming qualities. Do not waste your time on this garbage. It starts crap and just gets crapper and crapper. I wasn't even expecting much, just a fun adventure mystery with cryptology and outdated nostalgic takes on technology and the NSA. While it does deliver about 5 paragraph's worth of that throughout the 400+ page book, the rest is filled with crap characters, story, and prose, plus casual sexual harassment, cringey male power fantasy, and creepy male gaze crap.
Like, I get it, this isn't high class literature. But it's like frozen pizza. It's not meant to be as good as the real thing, but it's meant to satisfy while being cheap and easy. This book is like if you bought a frozen pizza and it had literal human feces for toppings. That's how crap it is. It's an insult to good pop fiction.
The first two Langdon books were guilty pleasures of mine when I read them years ago. Maybe they're worse than I remember, or perhaps there is something about that series that's different than Digital Fortress, Dan Brown's first novel. But even if you're a fan of the Langdon series and interested in reading this book, seriously, do not waste your time.
Also, while I usually roll my eyes when a reviewer says they guessed the villain early, I LITERALLY guessed the villain in his introduction scene on page freaking 25, it was that painfully obvious.
Here are some ironically hilarious quotes (but trust me, the book takes itself very seriously so don't think reading it you'll find more of this).
> Jabba resembled a giant tadpole. Like the cinematic creature for whom he was nicknamed, the man was a hairless spheroid.
> "How the hell are you?" "No complaints." Jabba wiped his mouth. "You on site?" "Yup." "Care to join me for a calzone?" "Love to Jabba, but I'm watching these hips." "Really?" He snickered. "Mind if I join you?" "You're bad." "You have no idea."
> The motley assortment of drunken and drugged-out kids at the nearby tables were now in hysterics. Two-Tone stood up and sneered at Becker. "What the fuck do you want from me?" Becker thought a moment. I want you to wash your hair, clean up your language, and get a job. Becker figured it was too much to ask on a first meeting. "I need some information," he said. "Fuck you." "I'm looking for someone." "I ain't seen him." "Haven't seen him," Becker corrected.
> The air felt caustic in her windpipe.
> Two thin lines had appeared outside the concentric circles. They looked like sperm trying to breach a reluctant egg.
> Susan turned to Soshi. "I need access to the Web. Is there a browser here?" Soshi nodded. "Netscape's sweetest." Susan grabbed her hand. "Come on. We're going surfing."
> Becker was dark--a rugged, youthful thirty-five with sharp green eyes and a wit to match. His strong jaw and taut features reminded Susan of carved marble. Over six feet tall, Becker moved across a squash court faster than any of his colleagues could comprehend. After soundly beating his opponent, he would cool off by dousing his head in a drinking fountain and soaking his tuft of thick, black hair. Then, still dripping, he'd treat his opponent to a fruit shake and a bagel. (((this character, the main character of the book, has identical initials as the author. gross.)))