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Trapped in a long car ride, I found myself with one piece of reading material to entertain myself: Nicholas Sparks’ “True Believer”. Even for a romance novel, this text is an absolute abomination of “literature”. Let’s start with the title. True Believer? Really? That’s the best we could come up with Nicholas? The title means absolutely nothing in the context of the plot. I think those words were uttered exactly one time by one of the characters in an effort to salvage the choice. Now to the plot. Firstly, the chronology of the story is hilariously unrealistic. It seemed like the characters were teleporting between locations the entire time, especially to and from the beach house towards the end of the book. Also, you really expect me to believe that Jeremy (corny name btw) just magically knew that Lexie (also corny ass name) would be sitting on the beach when he pulled up unannounced? Shit like this happened quite frequently in the book. The scene that really infuriated me was when the elderly grandmother of Lexie takes her FIRST EVER FLIGHTS from North Carolina to New York City and back just to tell Jeremy (dumbass name) to go back to NC and marry her granddaughter. WHAT?!? Who in their right mind does an up-and-back flight (after never flying in their whole life) just to say that and then leave?? That’s easily a 12+ hour travel day (the grandmother’s town is not near an airport whatsoever) costing at least $1000 if the flights were both booked that late. But again, the author brushes it off as if it was your casual Wednesday commute. Jeremy might have been able to afford his flight back to North Carolina but there’s no chance the grandmother has that kind of dough. At least offer to pay for her flights, Jeremy. Asshole. Moving on. I don’t usually read romance novels, but it was pretty clear that the plot was building up to a sex scene at the aforementioned beach house. I thought that might save the experience for some readers until the part came. Here’s the entire sex scene, directly quoted:
“They made love slowly.”
THANKS NICHOLAS! YOU’VE REALLY PAINTED A VIVID PICTURE IN MY HEAD. I feel awful for the single mothers that picked up this book expecting a steamy scene only to read that sentence. The funniest part of the book is that Lexie went completely mute afterwards, under the pretense that she was depressed knowing she wouldn’t be able to move to New York with Jeremy, but it implied that it was horrible sex. You aren’t fooling me, Nicholas.
I kept reading the book to at least see what the outcome of the “ghost story” subplot would be since Jeremy and Lexie’s relationship outcome was more predictable than a hot day in hell. Clearly Sparks didn’t give a fuck about that piece of the story, because it was hastily glazed over once Jeremy “figured out” where the lights were coming from, and the plot went back to Jeremy trying to chase Lexie around North Carolina. Whatever. I finished the book and spent the rest of the car ride trying to gain back the brain cells I lost reading “True Believer”.
Maybe I was a little harsh. 2 stars.
“They made love slowly.”
THANKS NICHOLAS! YOU’VE REALLY PAINTED A VIVID PICTURE IN MY HEAD. I feel awful for the single mothers that picked up this book expecting a steamy scene only to read that sentence. The funniest part of the book is that Lexie went completely mute afterwards, under the pretense that she was depressed knowing she wouldn’t be able to move to New York with Jeremy, but it implied that it was horrible sex. You aren’t fooling me, Nicholas.
I kept reading the book to at least see what the outcome of the “ghost story” subplot would be since Jeremy and Lexie’s relationship outcome was more predictable than a hot day in hell. Clearly Sparks didn’t give a fuck about that piece of the story, because it was hastily glazed over once Jeremy “figured out” where the lights were coming from, and the plot went back to Jeremy trying to chase Lexie around North Carolina. Whatever. I finished the book and spent the rest of the car ride trying to gain back the brain cells I lost reading “True Believer”.
Maybe I was a little harsh. 2 stars.