My Years with Ayn Rand

As one who both hates the "philosophy" of Ayn Rand and is fascinated by her as a person, I found this biography to be an addictive read. It's a no-holds-barred, invasive expose by her former lover, a much younger man. Need I say more?

The rating is based primarily on its entertainment value, which is fantastic: sex! Lies! Objectivism! Good stuff, good, good stuff. I did find the conclusion to be quite profound: "I'm thinking about what Ayn's and my world was really about....There's a...need...to experience an ecstatic state of consciousness. An experience that shatters the ordinary walls of reality and lifts a person to another plane and another level of feeling entirely. Some people seek that experience in religion and in the promise of union with God. Others seek it in sex or in passionate love affairs. Some seek it in drugs; or in military battle; or in music; or in creative work; or in an athletic performance that seems to break the bounds of the possible. Ayn heard the most ecstatic music inside her own head....That's what [she] transmitted through her novels, and that's what we fell in love with and fought against leaving, because it was through her that we first entered that other plane."

Some other random thoughts:

This makes an excellent (albeit highly improbable) companion read alongside Dodie Bellamy's The T.V. Sutras, as both could be said to be meditations of former cult members.

I notice that the only Goodreads list this book appears on has sociopathy as its focal point, which is interesting (to me), because I found myself more than once speculating that Mr. Branden would probably have scored pretty high on the sociopathy meter.

He died while I was reading this. On December 3rd, which is my (also deceased) mother's birthday. This is all meaningless, I'm sure, but still—whoa. Oh yeah, and the reason I ended up reading this is that it was part of my (deceased, for the trifecta!) father's library.

I couldn't stop thinking as I read this that Branden was such a stereotypical Aries (an observation for which he would have no small measure of regard, har).

I read this book while living on Rand Street—no joke!

A coming of age story, with all the drama worthy of Ayn Rand. Those who have ever been heavily involved in cult-like groups and then broken away will relate to this story.

This not-so-flattering portral was my introduction to Rand. As a result, I didn't go ga-ga over her like so many people do in their 20s when they discover her. I was already suspiscious of her motives and skeptical about her theories before ever reading Atlas or Fountainhead.

Awful writing. I mean, awful. Branden writes like a third-rate romantic novelist. And there is literally no one to like in this story, at least as he portrays them. However, as a key to understanding Rand I regret to say that this is probably indispensable. And bear in mind that Branden still largely agrees with his personal Mrs. Robinson's "philosophy".

Look, the fact that she had an affair with someone half her age doesn't make Ayn Rand a bad person. She took care of that in many other ways. But her "reasoning" to rationalize what she was doing highlights the fact that she was second-rate as a thinker. On a good day. Branden portrays a woman who demanded unquestioning obedience at a level that would make a medieval pope think twice. Those with the temerity to disagree with Rand were subjected to inquisitions (and at least in his own case, Rand slapped him around a bit, which is regrettable but understandable --- the reader may find himself with itchy palms before the end of this opus). However, there is no serious dispute of the grillings members of the Collective were subjected to by Rand's directive. The most damning fact revealed about Rand is not her treatment of her husband or the series of "friends" and family members she shed without a qualm (and without giving them any credit for assisting her, either through financial or mental aid). It is the fact that Rand didn't read. I have always wondered why she got the essential message of Christianity so wrong. She didn't know anything about it. This extends to history as well. Her instincts were for conspiracy theories. Branden is particularly insightful when he talks about the glum depression Rand entered (along with her Tonto) when Atlas Shrugged failed to stop the engine of the world. Why weren't there first-rate minds willing to engage on behalf of her philosophy? The obvious answer never seems to have occured to either of them. No first-rate minds took her seriously. It is also telling that her most intimate followers --- and she didn't have friends, you were either a follower or nothing --- were people at the very beginnings of their careers. Branden started crushing on her when he was fourteen, which seems about right.

Branden's chief failure? Yes, Rand was intolerable. She was a spoiled brat who managed to get people to buy her novels. I have read them (as well as her defence of selfishness), and I get it. Rand favored plot, and both Fountainhead and Atlas drive right along in between the crushingly boring "philosophy". You can get the same thing from any Danielle Steele or Judith Krantz without having to wade through long passages about how lonely it is to be a misunderstood free market capitalist.

No, Branden's failure lies in the inability to realize what a total dope he has been all of his life. If anything, he emerges from this thing as even worse a character than Rand.

There is also a bit at the end wherein Devers Branden, his third wife, purports to relate a visit she pulled on the elderly Ayn Rand. Aside from the inherent improbablility of what Mrs. B recounts and Branden relays to you, Gentle Reader, there is at least this comfort for the man. He has once again succeeded in marrying someone who sounds just like him.

This is my second, and not last, reading of this book. Nathaniel Branden was an extraordinary lucid thinker and his memoir of engaging writing and precise language is a testament to that. He describes how his relationships with Rand progressed from friends when he met her at 19 to lovers and colleagues to adversaries. Throughout the book you get a look at the birth of the philosophy of Objectivism based on ideas in Rand's The Fountainhead and Atlas shrugged and its main principles.

Branden describes his feelings with great clarity and honesty; it's almost like the aforementioned events happened a year or two ago and not thirty. It is a psychological exposition of a man deeply in love with life and his work as well as a philosophical introduction to Rand's ideas and Objectivism. His book on self-esteem Six Pillars of Self-Esteem influenced my life profoundly and I recommended and gifted it to many clients since.

If you are interested in psychology, biographies or like Ayn Rand's books I would highly recommend to give it a try. You will likely discover a wealth of enjoyment from reading it.

The author offers a good insight into Rand’s philosophy and life, with some important lessons, but I found the work a little bit self-serving. It provides a sober look at the worship of objectivism and reason.

This is a fascinating account of the disturbing life of Ayn Rand, by her equally disturbed protégé and much younger married lover, Nathaniel Braden. The copy I have is the original account, I believe, which was redacted rather quickly to become "My Years with Ayn Rand," and sold under the later title after that. I don't personally know what the differences between the two editions are and I'm probably not ever going to find out because I don't want to wade through it all again. But that's okay with me. ;)

Although I'm not sure I believe everything the author says in precisely the way he recounts it, as he seems approximately as likely to fantasize as his subject, this book did give me an idea what the two of them must really have been like, and therefore what the movement they founded, libertarianism, is like.

It was a pot-boiler - fun to read and strange to contemplate. I already surmised that I wasn't much of a libertarian and now I know I'm not.

BTW, this author has refashioned himself as a specialist in the field of "self-esteem" which I find simultaneously terrifying and hilarious after reading this book.