This book really helped me to understand who I am as a man in terms of creation. Why do I like to drive motorcycles, why do I love to travel the world where the average person dare not tread. Why at the gym I have the need to lift more weight and drive my heart that much harder? It's because that is how God made me. God has a wild and dangerous aspect to His personality. We can see it in creation itself and it's reflected in every man.

from ChristianBook.com:
Helping men rediscover their masculine heart, Wild at Heart, a guide to understanding Christian manhood and Christian men, offers a refreshing break from the chorus of voices urging men to be more responsible, reliable, dutiful ... and dead. God designed men to be dangerous, says Eldredge. Simply look at the dreams and desires written in every boy's heart: to be a hero, to be a warrior, to live a life of adventure and risk. Sadly, most men abandon those dreams and desires---aided by a Christianity that feels like nothing more than pressure to be a "nice guy." It's no wonder that many men avoid church, and those who go are often passive and bored to death. In this provocative book, Eldredge gives women a look inside the true heart of a man and gives men permission to be what God designed them to be---dangerous, passionate, alive, and free.

Abandoned on page 83.
I wanted to read this because I wanted to get some insight into raising a boy. What do boys really need and how can I get out of the way of that? I like that this particular book was from a Christian perspective but it has major issues.
Granted, I'm probably the wrong audience but I didn't think I would be THAT wrong.
I found this book incredibly insulting. It has a very black and white way of looking at men, which could be fine if he backed it up with something. Instead, he contradicts himself. You're either a macho poser who hunts/fishes/chomps cigars or a milquetoast Christian man with manners and no spine. I asked my husband his opinion after giving him a couple of synopses. He was insulted as well.
There were parts that I liked in my short commitment: Jesus as the wild, passionate man. The fact that boys crave adventure and moms need to get out of the way. But more often I read passages that made me want to cringe - this very rigid black and white view of the world that zero of the men in my life fit into.
Eldredge gave no advice on how to stop being passive if you were the milquetoast or tone down the posing if you are the cigar chomper. No "accept who you are" kind of advice. Instead he seemed to blame everyone for the sorry state of men (his implication, not mine) of the world. Absentee fathers, present fathers, the schools, churches, moms, etc. Sounds like you're doomed before you start! And this was really only targeting cis-gendered Christian! There's a whole lot of man out there that doesn't fit your audience.
I'm going to turn my attention to another book on raising boys and encouraging their development into manhood. I suggest you do too.

Perskaitęs knygą supratau, kad esu naminis širdyje. Manęs netraukia nei žiaurumas, nei panašūs dalykai.

If men were born to be "wild", to hunt and fish and rescue damsel's in distress by brute force, how do you explain the fact that God loved Jacob just as much as he loved Esau? Esau was just a dude who had a wild personality. Jacob was more of a poet and a contemplative. They are both good in the Lord's eyes.

In my opinion, John Eldredge is more of an Esau-type personality and people who have similar personalities will enjoy his books. People who are more like Jacob will either see that Eldredge is over-generalizing or go inward and feel like they are not "wild" or manly enough. I chose the former. I pray that those who choose the latter would not go inward, in Jesus' name.

I like Donald Miller's definition of a man, in his book "To Own a Dragon". He says:

"God’s definition of a real man is a person with a penis!...And as much fun as I was having, I was also being serious. It had been a long journey for me, a journey filled with doubt and fear, and the only answer I could come up with is that all the commercials, all the sales tactics that said I wasn’t a real man unless I bought some book, or wore some aftershave, or slept with some cheerleader, were complete lies. If you have a penis, I told the group of guys, God has spoken… You are men. Some of you have never heard this before, but I want to tell you, you are men. You are not boys, you are not children, you are not women, you are men. God has spoken, and when God speaks, the majority has spoken. You are a man."

Often times when reading Christian books I hit a spot where I have to "eat the meat and spit out the bones." There were a few of those moments in this book, but overall? Loved it.

I first heard of it from a former professor and the background story to why I wanted to read Wild at Heart is worth mentioning. I was helping paint the professor's house for some cash over the summer. In the middle of a hot August afternoon I attempted to kill silence by asking, at the peak of my a.d.d., the famous question from the movie "Fight Club." I asked, "If you could fight any person from all of history, who would you pick?"

Without hesitating my professor answered, "There was a kid who used to pick on me in 6th and 7th grade. He used to beat me up almost every day. I'd fight that kid."

Taken aback, I had to ask for clarification, "Wait, you're telling me, as a grown man, you'd go back and beat up a kid? You wouldn't face him as an adult?" Unflinching the professor said, "Well, I may have fought back as a kid, but I was always taught to turn the other cheek, and it emasculated me. Made me feel like less of a boy. That kid kind of took that from me. So yeah, I guess if I had to do it as an adult, I would. As a kid, though, I'd still fight him. Either way, I would like to go back and kick that kid's butt."

I still kind of laugh at the complete honesty of this good friend and mentor. He went on to tell me how so many Christian young men are taught to turn the other cheek and then never stand up for themselves. How this book helped set him free from the bondage he'd been put in by years of being told to be a doormat.

I checked out the book and saw exactly what he meant. I also feel like this book prepared me for fatherhood, being a better husband, and overall, being a better man. Not just a Christian man, but a better man.

I highly recommend this for every human male.

This was an awesome book. The book is intended for men, as they usually enjoy the outdoors more than women.... My friends know differently, atleast in my case! It really focuses on spirituality in a "man's" view. It involved nature and I learned something about men at the same time. I loved it and would recommend it to anyone, male or female. Although it is a Christian book, it really has lessons to be learned for all faiths. However, there are some portions that did not always make sense to me and my opinions.

I wanted to read this book again because when I read it the first time 7 years ago it was deeply impactful to my life at the time. I wanted to see if the message held the same weight to a 31 year old married man as to a 25 year old single man and for the most part it did. Its challenge to rise to manhood, seek adventure, and fight for a beauty are what a masculine heart longs for. Quotes like; "let the world feel the weight of who you are as a man, and let them deal with it." and "don't ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive." are inspiring and thought provoking. There was more "fluff" to the message than I had remembered but all in all a book I would recommend.

I've never read a book on biblical masculinity. There is SO much to look forward to in this book and honestly, some to be cautious of as well. It was really hard to choose between giving it 3 or 4 stars, but ultimately put it as 4 because I believe that anyone within the church body should be able to read this and be challenged in specific ways, though it may not speak to all the same. When I read the first chapter, I had to stop reading for a while in confusion and ask for wisdom from community that had read it... it felt like a military manly hype-speech with a couple bible verses at first. Though he continually tries to point out that that's not what he's trying to be, it can still be interpreted that way.

Eldridge makes three big points about men. In the heart of every man is a desperate desire for:
1. A battle to fight
2. An adventure to live
3. A beauty to rescue

The dangerous ways we could interpret this book:
1. Each man needs to live out their “dream” no matter what it is.
2. Men need to just be more "manly." If only we will go hiking and camping more then we will discover what it means to be a man.
3. Could be seen as stereotyped versions of men & women.

But as you read on, Eldredge makes some incredibly insightful points...
1. Most men in the church believe God put them on earth to be passive moral people. That is not who we are called to be! God has a fierce heart and jealously loves, the same way that we should. We must not strip a man of strength and call it sanctification.
2. Our wounds from our past affect how we live into a "false self," often either overcompensating with being driven (violent) or passive (retreating). We must seek to heal the wound rather than deny it. Desperately depend on God. Often healing our wounds can lead us to take part in healing our community's similar wounds.
3. God must be the one to where we find our masculinity. Everything else falls short: the achievements, the adventures, the girl all are empty pursuits. True masculinity is spirituality.
4. We must be disciplined in our consistent delight in God or we will look for other things that don't satisfy.
5. Don't go to battle alone. Have at least one man by your side. Men find it hard to accept they need fellowship with other men. There is never a more devoted group of men than those who have fought alongside one another.
6. Many men (especially living in the false-self) make life choices based off what they can be competent at and can control, and never take a risk. We call it "duty." Meanwhile the passions of our soul is waiting on the other side of our fears.

Some fire quotes:
- "Some women want a passive man if they want a man at all; the church wants a tamed man- they are called priest, the university wants a domesticated man - they are called tenure-track people; the corporation wants a... sanitized, hairless, shallow man." - Robert Bly
- "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation " - Thoreau
- "Ecstasy and delight are essential to the believer's soul and they promote sanctification. We are not meant to live without spiritual exhilaration... The believer is in spiritual danger if he allows himself to go for any length of time without tasting the love of Christ... When Christ ceases to fill the heart with satisfaction, our souls will go in silent search of other lovers" - Maurice Roberts
- "The place where God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet" - Frederick Buechner
- "Naturally we are inclined to be so mathematical and calculating that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing... certainty is the mark of the common-sense life; gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should rather be an expression of breathless expectation" - My Utmost for His Highest

I walk away challenged to find my identity and masculinity deeper in the Father, emboldened to speak up and fight for things God is passionate for, and encouraged to look deeper into my heart as to how I can fulfill the beautiful and pure desires God has placed in there.

In all honesty, this book was REALLY hard to get through at points. There was a point where I texted both Cole & Alex and told them I couldn’t finish bc of some of the things he said, but alas, I pushed through. I disagree with a little of what he said in a couple of places in the book, but I would still fully suggest and man to read this. I’m feeling more empowered as a Man of God to live without fear and pursue relationship with God & others confidently. Overall, a good book.

Would actually give it 3.5 stars, but .5 points aren’t an option on Goodreads, so I rounded up.

Edited January 2023.
Ok, the below review that I wrote when I was an intellectual child still married to my first husband keeps getting likes, so I clearly need to either update it or delete it. Those of you who see this, please understand, I was obliged to find good in this thing that my then husband loved so much. I wanted to love what excited him. But you should also know: I divorced him 6 years later. And most of the reasons can be found in this book.

The primary problem with this narrative, that I somehow didn't remember reading the first time I reviewed this, was what ultimately led to 6 years of misery for me, and an eventual divorce. That is the premise that men need to have adventures, and women need to go along with men having adventures. My marriage was driven only by what my husband wanted to do, and what his life goals were. He was clearly on his own adventure, and expected me to just be along for the ride. My own desires, goals, ambitions, were not taken into account. It was symbolized strongly by the name I gave up, quickly followed by my individual identity that was eclipsed.

Now, years later, 20 years of life experience, one divorce, and two degrees later, I am a bit more solid on my own two feet, and also in an actual healthy marriage, with a man who thinks this book is bullshit. We are very happy.

So why, I have asked myself, did this book resonate so much at the time? And I have to say, that the audience it is aimed at, fundamentalist Christians, could still benefit from a part of this message. I think the permission to be adventurous, joyful, wild, to live life fully, is something that ALL of us need, not just men. I think the fact that companion books written for women were so unsuccessful, and their messages were so downright depressing, demonstrates the need we all have for this wild and soulful kind of living. It needn't, and I would argued shouldn't, be gendered. It is tragic that the Eldredge's built an economic empire on insisting that it IS gendered. It destroyed my 20s, and messed up the lives of many others that I know of.

What I'm grateful for is that that isn't the end of the story. There is life after John Eldredge. I hear that my ex now considers himself a feminist, hyphenated his name, and lives happily with his wife. I have an equitable and super fun marriage with my dream person, who grew up Buddhist. He never once even thought of asking me to change my name.

My prayer is that gender roles someday die, so that each person can be fully themselves, as wild or calm, as unbound or homebody as that may be.


Original review (book was read in 2004):
I know that this book is surrounded by vehement controversy. After my husband read it, it was as though he came alive for the first time. Curious, I picked up the book myself. Though there are sections that I would drastically edit (and so would my husband), I found the heart of Eldredge's message incredibly moving, necessary, and paradigm-altering. I was truly astonished that this "man's man" would have such a perfect grasp of women and their needs and desires. I have consulted with other women who have read this book cover to cover, and they, too, feel that Eldredge truly understands a woman's heart. I do not suggest that we take all his advice literally, nor do I think he meant it that way, but this idea of setting men free to be men is something I can definitely get behind. One note: only read this book if you are starting with the assumption that men and women are fundamentally different. He does not address the philosophy that men and women are the same except for nurturing practices.

I started reading this book because many people close to me in my life have read it and highly praised it. I've also read a couple of other books by the author and liked them. This one, however, threw me for a bit of a doozy.

On the one hand, I didn't like some of it as a matter of preference. The author gives at least 1-3 story examples for EACH POINT he makes which gets very repetitive. About halfway through the book, I started skimming the story portions and getting to the point. I felt as though the author didn't know how to trust the reader to understand what he was saying and draw their own conclusions. This becomes irksome to me as a reader.

That personal preference aside, let's get into the actual meat of the book.

This book is written to expose the secret of a man's soul and boils the life of a man down to "a longing for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue."

There were a lot of points I agreed with and liked.

I liked that the author doesn't shy away from hard, convicting messages. From the men I've heard from, who have read this book, that was the highlight. I like that certain men can read this book and have their faith in God and enthusiasm for life rejuvenated. I like that they can gain some understanding of a different way men can operate in life. I like that the author doesn't shy away from addressing father wounds, abuse, use of pornography, etc.

I especially liked how much the author emphasizes God's love for us and His relentless pursuit to show us a better life. As far as the character of God was described in this book, I agreed with most of what was written.

The author makes it VERY CLEAR that male aggression, violence, and abuse, especially towards women, is NOT okay, but I don't think he quite hit the nail on the head.

For one, the author makes way too many generalizations. To assume that ALL men want to be the warrior archetype (a William Wallace for example as he references many times) and ALL women wanted to be saved is quite a harmful message. He uses culturally established archetypes, that are not used in Scripture, to defend what he believes to be a Biblical stance.

I can understand how the author, who is from Colorado and loves the outdoors, would want to embrace the archetype and the kind of life he lays out in the book. I can see why it would be appealing to many men, and I don't think that in and of itself is harmful. It's the insinuation that every guy has to feel that way in order to be a "real man of God." It's the notion that a man becomes a "real warrior" when he starts spending more time outdoors instead of at his office job.

The whole nature vs. corporate world setting confused me a bit given the fact that the corporate world is dominated by men and literally designed FOR men. For instance, the whole 9-5 workday schedule was made because of the MALE hormone cycle.

Many of the references he uses when he talks about men saving women aren't even true. Romeo didn't "save" Juliet from anything. Arthur didn't save Guinevere. In fact, a whole different guy in the Arthurian legends saved her. He mentions fairytales like Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella. If we're talking about the Disney version of Sleeping Beauty, the three fairies play a much bigger role in saving Aurora than the prince does. If we're talking about the original fairytale, would we consider the prince raping Sleeping Beauty and her not waking up until she gives birth (against her will) "saving?" If we're talking about either the fairytale version or Disney version of Cinderella, we see an abused girl get out of the house because her fairy god-MOTHER helps her out. The prince doesn't do very much to save her.

The author's treatment of women is what bothers me the most. Women are blamed when their men are too "soft" because either their mother clung to them too long or their girlfriends/wives tried to domesticate them.

The author's ideal version of a Beauty, as he calls her, is a woman who is seductive, exotic, and doesn't get in the way of her man's wildness. He uses words like "enchantress," and refers to women as "mythological." I'm sorry, but I am not something out of myth. The way he speaks about women puts us on this idyllic level and makes us well...not human. The women he talks about are not portrayed as people.

He also refers to again and again the story where a woman is trapped in a tower by a dragon or sorcerer and can only be saved when a champion (a man) comes to fight for her. Sure, women want to be fought for, but he also talks about how the dragon and sorcerer are both depictions of Satan or Evil.

So...what he's saying is that, if you're a woman, you are being held hostage by the Devil until some guy comes along and defeats the Evil One for you. This is, on so many levels, messed up and unbiblical. I, as a woman made in the image of God, should NOT be waiting around for a man to figure out my relationship with God FOR me and make me a better person. I have to do that work on my own, and no man is going to be able to do it for me.

The author talks about how the Evil One especially hates women because she is the crown of Creation and the whole reason a savior could come and die for us all. I agree with that, but in him saying that he insinuates that women need to be saved from evil by men. But, only Jesus can do that??? And already has??? The whole man-woman relationship thing just came across as illogical and messy whereas a lot of the rest of the book is a lot more organized.

What women need to be saved from are men...or rather, the systems of men that hold us down and oppress us for THE VERY REASONS the author mentions when speaking about why Satan hates women. See? He makes a good point, kind of, but doesn't quite nail it.

When the author talks about sex, there is plenty of mention of male-female union and of male orgasm, but nothing is said about pleasure or orgasm for women.

All in all, I think some men could be really convicted by certain aspects of this book and learn a lot from it. (Men who tend to abuse, have a toxic relationship with their masculinity, etc.) But overall, it does have some harmful messaging as well.

Things like, men should have other friends that are men holding them accountable is great. Love that point and the details given around it. But then saying that women need to seduce their guys, wait to be rescued, and then "not get in the way of his wildness" just rubs me the wrong way.

This book just wasn't it for me. Not the worst thing ever but far far from what I hoped it would be.

I started this book years ago but did not feel determined to finish it, whereas in this season of life I wanted to mark this as read.
In this book, John Eldridge talks about how “masculinity is bestowed by masculinity.” i’m so in awe of the way God designed men and women and how they are so different & function so differently. I really appreciated the call to action for men to stop asking the question of “what does this world need me to be?” & ask “what makes you come alive?” I would definitely agree that the world needs more of men that have come alive. Solid read.