Do you recall the moment when someone said something so absurd, so far-fetched, and so illogical that your only reaction was to blink and drool uncontrollably? Just like that time your friend confessed he had a crush on your other friend's mom or when you witnessed an adult eating liver and actually enjoying it? Now you know my response as I witnessed the never-ending stream of praise for James Patterson's YA endeavor, "Maximum Ride."
"Disappointed" doesn't even begin to describe my feelings towards this book. Some more fitting adjectives would be painful, vomit-inducing, sphincter-loosening, or simply terrible. The concept seemed very promising - who doesn't love cool, bird kids who flee from wolf-men? Awesome, right? And Maximum is funny! I mean, really funny! She's funny because she's sarcastic. Being sarcastic is just sooooooo funny. (Okay, I'll stop making fun of other people's reviews.) I have no issue with "snarky," but Max is full-on obnoxious. I may be old and "out of touch" with how teens are nowadays, but to me, annoying does not equate to funny.
The writing in this book is dull and repetitive. The writing in this book is dull and repetitive. (Oops! I just pulled a Patterson.) Yes, I understand it's for younger readers, but so was Harry Potter! HP used words like "Gryffindore" and "quidditch" - and those words don't even exist! But kids understood them, bought the scarves and the brooms made in China because the story was great. And the story was great because it wasn't written by James Patterson! (Are you following my logic here?)
Part of the charm of this book is that Max narrates. Okay, I get that. The only problem is that even the narration isn't consistent (for example, at the beginning when the group is split up). Patterson reminds us time and time again that these kids are "freaks" and "mutants," repeating the same dialogues, situations, and thought processes over and over. The plot progresses from predictable to redundant to "beat yourself over the head repeatedly with a stick" while rehashing the same cyclical cadence: the flock runs, the Erasers find them and beat them up, the flock wonders how they were found, they run, the Erasers find them and beat them up, etc. etc. etc. It got to the point where I was rooting for the Erasers. (Kind of like when you root for Wile E. Coyote as a kid. And what was the deal with the ACME company? Someone should have given Mr. Coyote the number for the Better Business Bureau.)
Let's do some literary math. Underdeveloped, annoying protagonist + uninspired, tropish storytelling + James Patterson = The Hindenburg part Deux. Then Patterson says, "Wait, wait! I'll throw in some sarcastic comments and a seemingly insurmountable force of angry dog-men to sweeten the deal!" As a friend (and if you're reading this, I AM YOUR FRIEND), heed my advice: walk away. Just walk away.
This book was very easy to read, required little if any thinking, and rewarded the patient, mildly obsessive-compulsive reader (like myself) with a cookie-cutter story and anti-climactic... everything. I feel like this book missed the opportunity to be an excellent novel and can only be considered mediocre at best. After reading this book, I have no desire to read Patterson's other novels. Thank goodness I purchased this book for 99 cents at the thrift store. I still feel like I paid too much... I can't even use it as toilet paper. (I would never give this novel the pleasure of giving me a paper cut. It already took my soul.)
Finally, some more appropriate names for this novel would be: "Maximum Pain," "Don't-Come-Along-For-This Ride," and "Patterson's Laughing All the Way to the Bank."
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