While I have a preference for "Healing the Shame that Binds You", "Home Coming" is truly the most comprehensive inner child reclamation book that I have had the opportunity to read so far.

There are several notable aspects within it.

The wonder child represents the pre-wounded inner child, which is our truest form, the source of creativity, safety, and play. However, it should not be idealized or exist without the actualization of ourselves as mature adults.

Reuniting with the wonder child can lead to an energetic emergence that disrupts the old order. For example, a successful attorney might quit to open a vet practice, a long-deferred dream that may seem crazy to others.

If the once powerless wounded child is not healed, it can transform into the offender adult.

Physical, sexual, and severe emotional battering can cause the child to lose their own identity and instead identify with the offender, as seen in survivors of Nazi concentration camps.

Children are not fully capable of taking on another's point of view and are egocentric as a defense mechanism to meet their early childhood needs.

If parents refuse to take responsibility for their own inner child or healing journey, a healthy reminder is that you didn't come into this world to take care of your parents.

Forgiveness through this intergenerational work heals shame and allows for a healthier external relationship or distance from the family.

When you feel concerned that someone dislikes you, consider whether you even like them. Give your inner child permission to ask lots of questions instead of mind-reading.

Identify your desires by recognizing substitute behaviors, such as telling lies when you want to express anger.

Feeling rackets involve experiencing a different emotion that is more acceptable than the original true emotion, like crying and feeling sad instead of angry if your parents thought anger was unacceptable from you.

Rage is pent-up anger and needs to be expressed in a therapeutic setting as it can be toxic to the self when not expressed and to others when it is. On the other side, there is the possibility of a healthy anger response.

Free your imagination by regularly writing "what if" statements to reunite with squashed desires.

This book offers profound insights and practical tools for anyone on the journey of inner child reclamation.

Recommended to me by my therapist, this book has proven to be extremely beneficial. It delves deep into the reasons behind why some of my behaviors and feelings manifest in the way they do. By understanding these underlying factors, I have been able to gain valuable insights into myself. The book also offers practical guidance on how to continue to grow and master my emotions and actions. There are various exercises included, some of which really struck a chord with me and had a profound impact. However, not all of them were equally effective for me. Despite this, I believe that listening to it again will provide me with new perspectives and takeaways. It's a journey of self-discovery and I'm excited to see where it leads me.

This book can be extremely useful in certain tragic circumstances, such as if your father raped you as a child or if your mother overnurtured you during puberty.

However, aside from these specific and rather extreme cases, it also contains many good meditation exercises as well as pieces of popular psychology and philosophy.

The author's religious inclination can be quite annoying at times. It seems to seep into the text and might disrupt the flow for some readers who are not particularly interested in religious themes.

Nevertheless, if you have a penchant for fairy tales, you might actually find that part of the book quite appealing. It adds a touch of magic and fantasy that could potentially draw you in and make you overlook some of the other aspects that might not be to your liking.

Overall, it's a complex and somewhat polarizing book that offers both valuable insights and elements that might be off-putting depending on your personal experiences and preferences.

I truly appreciate the overall message and the exercises that have been provided within this book. In fact, I'm yet to engage in those exercises, which I'm looking forward to.

However, when it comes to evaluating a book, one of the aspects I consider is how strongly it compels me to reach for it. Unfortunately, this particular book didn't have that kind of allure for me. It felt more like a "have to" read rather than a "want to" read. This is precisely the reason why it took me such a long time to get through it.

Moreover, I didn't really think that the last chapter was necessary. It seemed a bit superfluous and didn't add significant value to the overall content of the book. Maybe it could have been condensed or even omitted without sacrificing the essence of the message.

Overall, while there were some positive aspects to this book, it didn't quite meet my expectations in terms of its ability to engage and motivate me.

Childhood trauma can have a profound and lasting impact on a person's life. However, there is a great tool available for those who are on the journey of healing from such trauma and are eager to take care of their deepest selves.

This tool offers a unique and effective way to address the emotional wounds and scars that have been left behind. It provides a safe and nurturing space where individuals can explore their feelings, memories, and experiences without judgment.

By using this tool, people can begin to understand the root causes of their trauma and develop healthy coping mechanisms. It helps them to build self-awareness, self-compassion, and self-esteem, which are essential for healing and growth.

Whether you are just starting your healing journey or have been working on it for a while, this tool can be a valuable asset. It can help you to connect with your inner self, release negative emotions, and embrace a more positive and fulfilling life.

So, if you are looking for a way to heal from childhood trauma and take care of your deepest self, give this tool a try. You may be surprised at the transformation that awaits you.

The person who is in the grip of an old distress often behaves in ways that seem inappropriate. They say things that are not relevant to the current situation, do things that don't yield the desired results, and struggle to cope effectively. Moreover, they endure intense feelings that have no connection to the present moment.

Core material refers to the way our internal experiences are organized. Comprising our earliest emotions, beliefs, and memories, it is formed in response to the pressures of our childhood environment. This core material is illogical and primitive, as it was the only means by which a vulnerable, needy, and boundary-less child could survive.

Once formed, the core material acts as a filter through which all new experiences must pass. This explains why some individuals repeatedly choose destructive romantic relationships, why others experience their lives as a series of recycled traumas, and why so many of us fail to learn from our mistakes.

Freud termed this urge to repeat the past the "repetition compulsion," while the modern therapist Alice Miller called it the "logic of absurdity." It becomes logical when one understands how the core material shapes our experiences. It's analogous to wearing sunglasses: regardless of the actual amount of sunlight, it will be filtered in the same way. If the glasses are green, the world will appear green; if they are brown, bright colors will not be perceived clearly.

What becomes of the wonderful beginning when we were all "Poetry itself"? How do those tender elves transform into murderers, drug addicts, physical and sexual offenders, cruel dictators, and morally degenerate politicians? How do they become the "walking wounded" that we see all around us, filled with sadness, fear, doubt, anxiety, and depression, and longing for something unutterable? Surely, the loss of our innate human potential is the greatest tragedy of all.

I now understand that when a child's development is stunted and their feelings are repressed, especially those of anger and hurt, they grow up to be an adult with an angry, hurt child inside them. This inner child will spontaneously influence the person's adult behavior.

I believe that this neglected and wounded inner child from the past is the primary source of human misery.

Maxmillian truly lacks self-worth that is generated from within; instead, he has "other-worth" that depends on other people.

Children require security and healthy emotional modeling to understand their own inner signals. They also need assistance in differentiating their thoughts from their feelings. When the family environment is充斥着 violence (chemical, emotional, physical, or sexual), the child must focus solely on the outside. Over time, they lose the ability to generate self-esteem from within. Without a healthy inner life, one is condemned to seeking fulfillment on the outside. This is codependence, a symptom of a wounded inner child. Codependent behavior indicates that the person's childhood needs were unmet, and thus they cannot know who they truly are.

Every child needs to be loved unconditionally, at least in the beginning. Without the nonjudgmental mirroring eyes of a parent or caretaker, a child has no way of knowing who they are. We all started as a "we" before becoming an "I." We needed a mirroring face to reflect all aspects of ourselves. We needed to know that we mattered, that we were taken seriously, and that every part of us was lovable and acceptable. We also needed to know that our caretakers' love could be depended upon. These were our healthy narcissistic needs. If they were not met, our sense of "I AM" was damaged.

The child's demands will undermine their adult relationships because no matter how much love is given, it will never be enough. The narcissistically deprived adult child cannot have their needs fulfilled because they are actually a child's needs.

Only by grieving the loss can healing occur. Until then, the insatiable child will voraciously seek the love and esteem that they did not receive in childhood.

When caretakers are untrustworthy, children develop a deep sense of distrust. The world seems like a dangerous, hostile, and unpredictable place.

A witness to violence is also a victim of violence.

Our emotional boundaries define where our emotions end and another's begin. They tell us when our feelings are about ourselves and when they are about others.

"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked," as the poet Kahlil Gibran told us.

The failure to be loved unconditionally causes the child to suffer the most profound deprivation. Only faint echoes of the world of others ever truly reach the adult with a deprived and wounded inner child. The need for love never leaves them. The hunger persists, and the wounded inner child attempts to fill this void in the ways I have described.

Screaming and yelling at children violates their sense of value. Parents who call their children "stupid," "silly," "crazy," "asshole," and so on wound them with every word.

With guilt, you have done something wrong, but you can take steps to correct it. With toxic shame, there is something wrong with you, and there is nothing you can do about it; you feel inadequate and defective. Toxic shame is the core of the wounded child.

I came upon you when you were magical. Before you could know I was there, I severed your soul, pierced you to the core, and brought you feelings of being flawed and defective, of distrust, ugliness, stupidity, doubt, worthlessness, inferiority, and unworthiness. I made you feel different, told you there was something wrong with you, and soiled your Godlikeness. MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME. I bring a chronic pain that will not go away. I am the hunter that stalks you night and day. Every day, everywhere, I have no boundaries. You try to hide from me, but you cannot because I live inside of you. I make you feel hopeless, as if there is no way out. MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME. I am the core of co-dependency, spiritual bankruptcy, the logic of absurdity, the repetition compulsion. I am crime, violence, incest, rape. I am the voracious hole that fuels all addictions. I am insatiability and lust. I twist who you are into what you do and have. I murder your soul, and you pass me on for generations. MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME.

The emotions that needed to be expressed were never expressed.

Reclaiming our childhood is painful because we must grieve our wounds. However, the good news is that we can do this. Grief work is the legitimate suffering that we have been avoiding with our neuroses. Jung said it well: "All our neuroses are substitutes for legitimate suffering."

One way adult children avoid their legitimate suffering is by staying in their heads. This involves obsessing about things, analyzing, discussing, reading, and expending a lot of energy trying to figure things out. There is a story about a room with two doors. Each door has a sign on it. One says HEAVEN; the other says LECTURE ON HEAVEN. All the co-dependent adult children are lined up in front of the door that says LECTURE ON HEAVEN!

The parents in dysfunctional families are often adult children themselves, with their own wounded inner child being needy. Whenever their children feel needy, which is natural, the adult-child parent becomes angry and shames them. Subsequently, anytime the child's wounded inner child feels needy, they feel shamed. For a large part of my adult life, I felt ashamed whenever I needed help. Finally, regardless of the context, the shame-based person feels shame when they are sexual.

Children growing up in dysfunctional families are taught to suppress the expression of emotion in three ways: first, by not being responded to or mirrored, effectively not being seen; second, by having no healthy models for naming and expressing emotion; and third, by actually being shamed and/or punished for expressing emotion.

The earlier the emotions are inhibited, the deeper the damage.

Original pain work involves actually experiencing the original repressed feelings. I call it the uncovery process. It is the only thing that can bring about "second-order change," the kind of deep change that truly resolves feelings. In first-order change, you simply change one compulsion for another. In second-order change, you stop being compulsive.

If you are still inclined to minimize and/or rationalize the ways in which you were shamed, ignored, or used to nurture your parents, you need to now accept the fact that these things truly wounded your soul.

To be spiritually wounded, for your parents not to allow you to be who you are, is the worst thing that can happen to you.

...you must help your wounded inner child see that there was nothing they could have done differently. Their pain is about what happened to them, not about them.

You needed to hear welcoming, peaceful, warm voices around you. You needed lots of echoing coos, oohs, and ahs! You needed to hear a safe, sure voice that signaled a high degree of security.

We did not receive the mirroring and echoing that we needed. We were not loved unconditionally; as a result, we did not develop a basic sense of trust. This leads to the insatiable cravings that some people act out with ingestive addictions. It also creates the need to be constantly validated, almost as if we would cease to exist without it. Other consequences include insatiable cravings to be touched and hugged, an excessive focus of sexuality on orality, being out of touch with our physical needs (the signals from our body), a tendency to "swallow things whole" - to be the sucker who is born every minute. Most importantly, when our infancy needs are not met, it makes us feel ashamed of ourselves, deep down believing that something is wrong with us.

“Untreated family members are in the same delusional trance that you’ve been in. They cannot possibly validate and legitimize your pain.”

“Repeated positive messages are emotional nutrients. Had you heard them, they would have helped your inner infant child grow and develop. Repeating such messages now can produce deep, visceral changes and touch our most primal level of original pain.”✨

“In all the world, there has never been another like you. God smiled when you were born.”

Though Bradshaw presents some interesting concepts that could potentially assist in healing the inner wounded child within us, it is evident that he falls short when it comes to offering practical advice.

Many of his theories and ideas seem rather outlandish and perhaps even border on the crazy side. His adherence to Jung and other controversial philosophers may generate some thought-provoking notions, but these should not be taken as standalone ideas without further examination.

Bradshaw's interpretation of religion or Christianity is a unique brand of craziness. He is neither Catholic nor Christian in the traditional sense, yet he believes himself to be so. The only way to describe him might be as spiritual, but his beliefs seem to lean more towards the crazy end of the spectrum rather than being in line with established doctrine. In fact, some of his beliefs could even be considered as outright blasphemy.

Ultimately, while this book did provide me with a few good ideas, it also contained a significant amount of crazy and useless ones. It is important to approach such works with a critical eye and not simply accept everything at face value.

This book was simply overwhelming for me. It delved into an extensive range of issues, so many in fact that it became quite a challenge to keep track of which ones I had grasped and which ones I hadn't.

Nonetheless, it is still a book that holds value and is worth reading. The initial part of the book was particularly engaging and beneficial compared to the remainder.

It provided valuable insights and presented ideas in a more accessible and understandable manner. However, as the book progressed, the sheer volume of information became a bit of a hindrance.

Despite this, I believe that it can still offer something to those who are willing to invest the time and effort to wade through its contents.

3.5/5 stars - This book contains an abundance of crucial and therapeutic information regarding the healing of your inner child. As this is a topic I have discussed in therapy, I was intrigued and picked up this book. I truly desired to love this book to the fullest... but can we, by any chance, obtain an updated volume on inner child work?

The only books I have come across on inner child work are outdated, and I was hoping to discover something a bit more contemporary.

Written in the 1990s, this book is a reflection of its era. There is some cringe-worthy language and rigid gender roles. Some parts felt a little far-fetched and cheesy... yet, I must admit that I actually gained a great deal from this book. It provided valuable insights and perspectives that I found helpful in my own journey of self-discovery and inner healing. While it may have its flaws, it still managed to offer something of substance. I would highly recommend it to those who are interested in exploring the concept of inner child work, but I also hope that someone will soon publish a more modern and updated version of this important topic.

Interesting Stuff

There is a wide variety of interesting stuff in the world. It could be a unique piece of art that catches your eye with its vibrant colors and unusual shapes. Or perhaps it's a scientific discovery that challenges our understanding of the universe. Maybe it's a new recipe that combines flavors in a way you've never thought possible, resulting in a delicious and memorable meal.

Interesting stuff can also come in the form of a captivating story. It could be a fictional tale that takes you on a thrilling adventure or a true account of someone's extraordinary life. These stories have the power to transport us to different worlds and make us feel a range of emotions.

Another aspect of interesting stuff is the latest technology. From smartphones that can do almost anything to innovative gadgets that make our lives easier and more convenient, there is always something new and exciting to discover.

In conclusion, interesting stuff is all around us. It enriches our lives,激发 our curiosity, and makes the world a more fascinating place to explore. So keep your eyes open and be ready to embrace the interesting stuff that comes your way.

This book and his videos truly made a profound difference in my life.

I first came across it in my early 20s, a time when I was extremely suicidal due to a traumatizing childhood. I was completely lost, not understanding what was happening within me or why I was experiencing such intense emotions. It was John Bradshaw's Homecoming series that effectively saved my life.

The therapist I was seeing at that time even complimented the book and followed its teachings. Thanks to it, I was able to assert authority over my inner child, and this process has remained with me ever since. As we journey through life's various experiences, we might think we have completed the process, but I have found myself repeatedly revisiting some of these valuable tools.

This book has truly changed the course of my life. If you have the opportunity, search for "Homecoming John Bradshaw" on YouTube. You will discover the videos. Although they may not be of the same high quality as the videos being produced today, it is the powerful message and the engaging exercises that truly make the difference. The process I undertook involved writing a letter with my non-dominant hand, expressing what I would say to my family. Subsequently, I read it aloud in the presence of my therapist.

It is an excellent read that I highly recommend.

I truly appreciate this book as a foreground work on inner child work.

However, in the current context of psychology, it may seem a bit fundamental and outdated.

It does contain some exercises and explanations, but for the most part, I view it as a starting point or a primer to enter the topic.

Rather than being a comprehensive exercise book or a detailed narrative on the various aspects and possible outcomes of this type of processing.

It serves as a useful introduction for those who are new to the concept of inner child work and want to gain a basic understanding.

But for more in-depth exploration and a more contemporary perspective, one might need to look beyond this particular book.

Nevertheless, it still has its value in laying the groundwork and piquing the interest of readers in this important area of psychological exploration.