Current location: Virginia
How can a man be allowed to feel such emptiness and defeat?
I'm starting to realize that the people I attract in real life are the same types I seek out in literature: the broken people who can be honest about their brokenness, maybe laugh a little about it, too.
It's not that I want to be broken, or delight in my tribe of broken members. It's more about an acceptance, finally, on my part. The world is full of imperfection and broken parts. I've come to terms with my reality. I'm never going to be on the “shiny, happy squad,” and neither are my people. The woman standing at the school drop-off in her power suit and stiletto heels, shouting rhyming mantras to her matching children, is never going to attract my attention. I want the mess in the corner, the woman with coffee stains on her sweatshirt, a big messy tangle in her hair, laughing because her child won't stop crying or release the sticky death grip on her hand.
Don't get me wrong, though. My people have integrity. I make no allowances for liars or lies. As soon as a character, real or literary, starts lying to me. . . they're out of my tribe.
My people are honest, and they “strive for high ideals,” (to steal from “The Desiderata”). They are heroic in behavior, but anti-heroes nonetheless: the Holden Caulfields, the Gus McCraes, the Olive Kitteridges. . . the Nat Turners.
Yes, a new character has joined my team: Nat Turner. A man who, in two weeks time, has won me over and wrecked me with his steadfast devotion to the Holy Spirit and his determination to look up, always, when everything is looking down. “Lord, please?”
I should have known that Nat would be a natural addition to my group. He was born. . . feeling different. In a good way. Made to feel special by the different way he was treated, then made to feel awkward, for the rest of his life, because of his differences.
Nat is like a shiny, black spider on a web. A work of art. Superior to the flies buzzing around him, yet dependent upon them for his food source; vulnerable to the human who can knock him from his web at a mere whim.
He was hopeful as a child. It was, in fact, in Nat's childhood that I started to fall in love with him. If a young Black slave in 1810 can look out in enthusiasm on a new day and think, “I feel wildly alive. I shiver feverishly in the glory of self,” then, by God, anyone can do it.
But, when Nat's kindhearted slave-owner (an oxymoron for sure, but true), takes a shine to the boy and decides to make him his project, prove to the naysayers for once and for all that a slave is only hindered by his environment, Nat becomes different from both his Black peers and his white owners. He grows to be a Renaissance man, but a Renaissance man, minus the enlightened country.
In case it is unclear to anyone reading this, especially to someone less familiar with U.S. History, Nat Turner was a real man, a man made famous (or infamous, depending on your perspective) by carrying out the only known slave rebellion in American history. This, William Styron's 1966 novel, is a fusion of facts and fantasy. What this Pulitzer Prize winning novel does. . . is make Nat Turner real for you.
Well, he certainly became real for me, “the center of an orbit around whose path I must make a ceaseless pilgrimage.”
And, as for William Styron. . . well, sir, you're one of my kind, too. I admire the way you brought Nat Turner to life in such a vivid and powerful way. Your ability to blend fact and fiction to create a truly engaging and thought-provoking story is truly remarkable. I look forward to reading more of your works and continuing my journey through the world of literature with you as my guide.
Overall, my Reading Road Trip 2020 has been an eye-opening and enriching experience. I've discovered new characters and authors that have touched my heart and expanded my understanding of the world. I can't wait to see where this journey takes me next.