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There's a blurb on the back of my copy of this book from Michael Cunningham, declaring that The Great Fire is an extraordinary love story. I ask simply, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GETTING THAT? We have a so-called great love story between late 30s Aldred Leith and 17-year-old Helen Driscoll. The plot basically revolves around Leith trying to figure out how to marry Helen when she's underage and her parents are jerks. And apparently, waiting until she's an adult is not okay because she might fall in love with someone else. Yikes! Here's the thing though, it ends up being not as creepy as it sounds because Helen has all the personality of a lamppost. This seems to be a thing Hazzard likes to write about, girls or women being acted upon by the men in their lives instead of showing the reader anything at all about the woman's inner life. Helen really reminded me of Caro from The Transit of Venus in that every man is in love with her, and she just kind of goes with the flow and we get no idea what she's thinking. We get some pages about Helen's invalid brother, Leith's romantic conquests (one of which is his dead best friend's mom, who leaves Leith for Leith's dad... sounds like it could be intriguing, right? Nope, it's just boring and slightly weird), and some chapters dedicated to Leith's friend Peter Exley. I have no idea why Peter is in this book. He goes about his daily life, gets polio, and dips out. At least with Transit of Venus all of the random characters end up mattering in the end, when you find out this huge thing that changes how you understand the book. Nothing of the sort happens here. I cannot emphasize this enough, this book is dead boring. How did I give this two stars instead of one though? Because Hazzard has some trippy lines. \\"At table, a lobster was prepared to give up its flesh without a struggle.\\" What a way to say lobster is for dinner. It's hilarious. There's quite a lot of those absolute wacky lines. Not that I'd recommend reading this, under any circumstances, ever. But I gotta give it up to Hazzard for lines like that.