We forget the ‘love languages’ of our spouse and assume that things have started to get cold between the two. What we have forgotten is how we communicate with each other. To be specific, how we communicate such that our spouse feels loved. This books helps us to identify the ‘love language’ and speak that language so that there is no miscommunication/lack of communication.

I am not quite sure how I ended up with this book, but thought that I should read it, so I did. It seems to be fairly consistent with the same ideas express in a bit better detail. I think it adds to compassion and understanding. The path to love is not easy, and yet it is rewarding.

Geresnė knyga nei "Penkios atsiprašymo kalbos", nes ir čia gan aiškiai, glaustai jos yra išvardintos ir kone viskas aiškiau išdėstyta čia nei pastarojoje knygoje. Tačiau ji visvien atsilieka nuo skaitytos pirmosios "Penkios meilės kalbos." Gal todėl, jog viskas jau žinoma, paliesta... šita gal skirta daugiau vyriškai auditorijai, todel buvo kiek nuobodu skaityti, plius keistai veikė perteklius keistų, humoristinių iliustracijų, kurios užėmė kone pusę knygos...
Vertinu 7/10.

It may be a cliche, but it is nevertheless true, that communication is the key to good and lasting relationships. It's equally true that different people communicate in different ways. We're all familiar with some version of this story (which is also recounted in the book): a wife comes home complaining about her day, her husband offers a solution to her problem, she ignores it, and they both get a little more miserable. The trouble is that the wife just wants him to shut up and listen; the husband wants to roll up his sleeves and solve the problem. He doesn't understand that his solution isn't wanted at the moment and she doesn't understand that he's genuinely trying to be helpful. We've all been there, I suspect. This book, short as it is, is full of similar stories and advice regarding the sources and solutions to those problems.

And that's both the advantage and disadvantage of the book. It's advice, by and large, is sound. People do communicate differently and following a set of steps (like the ones in the book), they can learn to more effectively communicate with each other. This will almost inevitably improve relationships. Of course, understanding people can be prohibitively difficult. Just ask a psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, or counselor. These are people who have spent years--sometimes decades--of intense study of human behavior and they still don't have all the answers. It would be ridiculous to think a book of fewer than 200 pages could solve all of their problems.

On the other hand, people are also quite busy and good advice, even if it's imperfect and incomplete, packaged into a book that can easily be read in a single sitting can be quite useful for those people.

So the real question is: is the advice in the book sound? The answer is complicated. The foundational theory behind this book (and the others in its series) is that there are five "love languages," that each person "speaks" a different one, and that the key to communication within relationships is understanding and speaking one's partner's particular language, even if it's different from one's own. This theory is almost certainly an oversimplification. It's based on anecdotes from the author's career as a counselor rather than empirical research, and the actual research on the topic has been mixed. My best (educated) guess is that it's probably not true that communicative styles fall into five factors with each person focusing primarily on one of them. However, it does seem--informally--like a useful framework for teaching what ought to be the basic and habitual communicative skills within any relationship.

That's where I think the book's value lies. Regardless of the empirical support for the "love languages" construct, it gives the reader something to hang his (or her) hat on when trying to improve communications. The actual advice following from this construct, as described in the book, is pretty simple. Indeed, I'd even go as far as to call the vast majority of it common sense material that everyone ought to already know. However, it's clear that a lot of people simply never learned how to communicate within a relationship, and if they did, they never bothered to put the lesson into practice. For those people struggling to maintain a relationship despite a breakdown in communication, this book might be a godsend.

Admittedly, it's not for everyone. Some will find it too cheesy, occasionally overwritten, often oversimplified, and certainly focused on a very traditional type of relationship or marriage. With apologies for the reference to the book's title, that's simply not the language everyone speaks. That having been said, if you don't mind a book written with a bit of a "fatherly" tone, I suspect most people would benefit from heeding its advice.

It's certainly not the kind of book I'd ordinarily pick up. I usually describe myself as "allergic to the self-help genre." But it was given to me by a friend, and upon reading it, I was pleasantly surprised to find that, despite its flaws and oversimplification of complicated psychological phenomena, it actually does offer good advice.

When does trying to help others become a money grab. Fortunately I don't have to make that call and can appreciate that any book that helps people communicate is worth reading. I think the 5 languages books are very good and helpful in understanding what motivates people.

Worth reading!

If you're not sure if your words are getting through your partner think again. If you are familiar with the famous 5 love languages then you're in for a treat as this is applied to men. How they experience and give love. Definitely worth a read.

I recommend

I read that exists five languages of love and instantly thought how can I ask something from the man if I don't know the language of mine. So for me, this book was looking from the men's point of view. The book explains how to start speaking your woman's language of love and gives concrete examples. The book answers into a lot of the important questions, I heard from the friends and experienced myself. It is a useful tool for better relationships.

This should replace Algebra in every middle school curriculum in the world. How to appropriately show love to the people you care about might be the single most important concept a human can understand and yet it wasn't until I read this book that I was able to get my head around gifting, touch, and affirmation.

Thank you Gary Chapman. I am going to be thinking of the 5 love languages from now until I die (hopefully) surrounded by people I love and that know that I love them.

Words of affirmation: I know, I’m with you, how can I help?
Dont make demands, make requests. Demands kill love while requests let it show. Show encouragement and support. “I know if you decide to try this you will be a success.” “Dont worry about cost, we will make this work.” Be kind, if someone shares hurt and pain with you even if they use hurtful words towards you; forgive them and try to understand the source of their pain. Dont try to prove your point of view. A soft answer turns away anger. You can’t erase the past, ask forgiveness and give forgiveness to your partner. Forgiveness is the way of love.

Give specific compliments. That color looks great on you, It really impressed me how you spoke with that woman, give words of encouragement to file dreams. Offer a deal where you are on the losing end. I’ll clean the attic if you make your amazing apple pie
Listening: make eye contact the whole time. Dont listen and do something else (if you’re in the middle of something be honest and say I will in 10 minutes), listen for feelings (what emotion is your spouse expressing; confirm with her it sounds like you’re feeling x because y), pay attention to body language, DO NOT interrupt

Quality Time: have meaningful discussions. Partners should share 3 details of their day at a minimum for healthy communication. In addressing quality time respect if the partner likes to get up early or go to bed later for the activities. Sacrifice something you love for the activity to send a powerful message you love her more than other things, make a list of top 10 moments of memories as a couple and then compare to her list and then use the overlapping matches to create new memories, be attentive, designate times and places for togetherness (Not all time together needs to be quality time), if your partner is usually busy you should occasionally do 1 or more of her dreaded chores to free her up for quality time, find an activity you like to do that compliments what she enjoys (find joint activities), dont let all your conversations be to do lists, surprise her with 2 tickets to a movie she wants to see and then take her to dinner and listen to her review, listen closely when she talks about favorite childhood memories and try to recreate that for her, take car trips to promote conversation even if it’s just to a restaurant, being silent together on a walk can be good, save a probing question before bed, talk while doing chores, money for babysitters is money well spent.

Gifts: 12 days of gifts, photographs, now and later (like knitting or seeds), gift of a day (take a day off and do everything she wants to do), give her a complimentary gift to other gifts you give her like pens if she collects paper, give unexpected gifts, dont get upset while she shops for gifts, get friends she hasn’t heard from in awhile to send gifts for a birthday, get her a star, get homemade coupons for chores, offer a gift of your presence while she is having a very difficult time, hide a gift in her luggage, jewelry

Acts of service: do a chore she has given up thinking you will help with (surprise her with it), do what she asks without having her repeat herself, get up 30 min earlier or later for a week to plan and perform acts of service, do something she would never expect, make dinner and clean up, let her choose a service to pay to have done, think of frequent complaints and go overboard to prevent them from happening again (overstock toilet paper), make yourself accessible in times of excessive grief like death of a pet, dont always announce what you do and see how long it takes her to notice, if she’s always rushed find a way to save her a few minutes like let her use the bathroom first, get friends to help with something she wants that you can’t do on your own, if your wife enjoys what you do for her work together to do acts of service for others (also can be quality time), serve someone she loves, run interference for her while she watches her favorite show (take care of the kids)

Physical Touch: make touching a normal part of your routine (play with her hair, touch her shoulder as she is in the kitchen), kiss and embrace when coming and going, change your pattern sit in a new spot, sleep on the other side of the bed, sit in a different spot at a restaurant (next to each other or on opposite sides), find out where she likes to be touched on her body, try letting body message, recall the thrill of physical touch from when you started dating and try to recreate it, drive to a scenic place and put your arm around her, at picnics do the physical challenges, start a collection of songs about touch and play it to be reminded of her love language, message sore parts of her body, select tactile gifts, when she is sick touch her neck and temple or forehead, thank her with touch, when touching her dont speak, write messages on her back and see if she can guess it

Do a daily check on each other’s love tank. Ask on a scale of 1-10 how full are you? Then ask what can I do now to help fill it up.

To repair a damaged relationship: Tell your partner you have been thinking about your relationship and would like to do a better job of meeting their needs. What can I do to help make you feel more loved? Whether they give suggestions or not try to address their love language for 6 months. At the end of each month ask for feedback on how you’re doing and further suggestions. If she gives positive feedback with a week and then ask a request. If she doesn’t do it wait another month and try again.

By turns vague to the point of uselessness or blatantly self-contradictory, the descriptions of the "five love languages" that constitutes the first half of the book overshadows whatever mildly useful material comprises the second half.

Listened to this on Libby and although it’s written for men, it provided some good insight for women as well. It helped me understand how to encourage the men in my life to speak my love language. 10/10 will be recommending this to my dad, brother, and boyfriend.