Did I just make a "Misery" joke about a book that attempts to answer the question, "What if 'IT' fucked 'Salem's Lot"?
Sure did.
NOW… having said that…
After listening to some Enya and engaging in deep breathing exercises, I ventured out to the spot in the woods where I had buried the book. I dug it up and finally finished it.
I actually liked this book (I swear). However, I do agree with the criticism that it is overly long. There is potentially a 300-page banger hidden within its pages. I'm giving this book four stars because, despite what might seem like a negative review, it is still better than a three-star read. It just frustrated me to no end.