Dear Sir,
Earlier today I received a summons to appear before your court on November 9, charged with 'leaving the scene of an accident'. However, I must decline this appearance, and I hope this letter will clarify the reasons. By November 9, I will be far out of the state of New Jersey. But I don't wish to depart without explaining my stance.
So, when faced with the option of paying a minimum of $25 for falling off a motor scooter on a public road and fleeing the state to evade prosecution, I chose to leave. I am a freelance writer and simply cannot afford to pay a fine of $25 or more at this moment. And since it is obvious that I left the scene and am thus guilty, I would have no alternative but to go to jail instead of paying the fine.
So, we are all criminals: those of us who skid and fall on damp, unmarked roads, and those others who stop and offer aid to the injured. If this situation doesn't seem blatantly ridiculous to you, then I can only congratulate myself on having the good sense to avoid an appearance in your court.
To Judy:
...P.S. Are you still getting fatter and fatter? My new address is on the back of this sheet. If you aren't too fat, how about sending me another picture of you. The two I have are a little old...