There's just something about the holidays and audiobooks that makes me one happy girl.

Holidays on Ice is a book filled with about 6 super short stories. They all have to deal with the best holiday ever, Christmas. Or at least it's the best in my eyes. The music? Lovable. The decorations? Love them all and secretly wish my house would wind up magically decorated while I sleep peacefully. The movies? I seriously watch the same ones every December. Maybe even other times throughout the year.

Okay, okay - I'm obsessed with the holiday people. It's a problem and I'm okay with it.

Back to the book though. Some of the stories had their funny moments. The one thing I didn't like about the audiobook was the fake laugh track being added at times. I just wanted to sit back and listen and every time the track came I just rolled my eyes.

In the end, I didn't have a particular favorite story but I did like some more than others.

My first foray into David Sedaris territory. I found myself cackling at the beginning of the first story but slowly became less enamored as the tone became condescending, smug, and offensive (seemingly for shock value). The rest of the stories are similarly uneven. I chuckled at parts and was bored at parts. Really a fair rating is about 2 1/2 stars but the enraging omission of half stars forces a round up due to cleverness of some stories. I've heard Me Talk Pretty One Day is the best of his bunch so will try that in the future but probably end there.

So it might be a little cruel of me to review a book about Christmas when Christmas is off most of our radars, but, hey, there's still snow on the ground where I live so I'm allowing myself this review.

Like most people, I have often laughed at the strange humor David Sedaris illuminates in his past books, Naked being the funniest, IMO. When I was given a copy of HOLIDAYS ON ICE I knew what I was about to get into, so it sat on my shelves for a few months. On a whim, I plucked it from the mass of unread books of mine and flipped to the front page. There was an inscription: For Lindsay in Japan, Christmas 2000 Love, Mom and Dad. For some reason I found this hilarious. I guess I never saw HOLIDAYS ON ICE as a book to give someone for Christmas; it is the type of book that is better gotten at a used bookstore or through a Secret Santa that is the workplace scrooge. Giving this to a loved one thousands of miles away struck a chord with me.

I proceeded to read The SantaLand Diaries and almost fell off my chair a few times because I was laughing so hard. Water came out my nose once. I think we've all been in a situation during the holidays were we needed some extra cash. I've had the pleasure of working three or four holiday jobs, mostly at warehouses or with UPS. I've never thought about becoming one of the unlucky ones to actually work as a department store Santa or as one of his minions. And after reading this humorous essay, I am inclined to say that I am going to push this opportunity onto my children when they come of age. Not because I don't love them, I do. I just want them to experience what it is like to work this type of job.

The other really good essay is Season's Greetings to Our Friends and Family!!! Sedaris nails the parody of Christmas newsletters perfectly. I would love to receive a letter like this one. Instead, I will most likely continue to receive the banal information of my friends and family: Little Billy is doing this; we redecorated our pantry; Joe sure likes college. I want something more. I want: Helen has finally beaten her meth addiction; Gary finally decided to start paying that overdue child support. I want real life. I want the details of what the year was really like. If I wanted Hallmark, I’d buy a card.

Sure these essays and stories are misanthropic and sometimes course, filled with crude humor and bleak holiday cheer, but they are funny. And funny is never out of season.

Oh, by the way, Lindsay, who was in Japan in 2000, if you’re on GR, Merry Christmas!

RECOMMENDED

A short audio compilation of stories published elsewhere and some odd fiction. Just okay for me. Two were brilliant,but I’ve already heard them. So, it’s a no.

I tried, but I give up.

The first story, "Santa Land Diaries," was great. Sedaris's tale of working as a Macy's department store elf is hilarious! Those people who inevitably make the news every Black Friday by pepper spraying and punching their fellow shoppers? I think they all go to Macy's at Christmas. Sedaris writes about them with his usual biting wit. My favorite scene had to be when he gets fed up with this awful Santa who keeps making him sing Christmas carols with the kids. Sedaris sings "Away in a Manger" in Billie Holiday style. I have never heard anything like it in my life, but it is absolutely perfect. You have to listen to the audio for that alone! I was cracking up alone in my car! There are a few poignant moments as well, especially from one Santa who likes to remind people what Christmas is really all about. One of the local theaters does a stage production of this story every year, and my husband and I have always been curious about it. We will definitely be going to see it next year.

Oh, but then.

The second story, "Season's Greetings to Our Family and Friends," was horrible. Absolutely horrible. It's supposed to be a spoof on a Christmas letter gone horribly wrong. Something's gone horribly wrong alright--Sedaris's attempt at fiction. I kept listening, thinking it had to get better, but it just kept getting worse and worse. Disturbing only starts to cover it. I wish I could scrub that half-hour listen out of my brain. For real. This one was told from a woman's point of view, so it's read by David's sister, Amy Sedaris. I have to admit the tone and reading were absolutely perfect for the story, but it set my teeth on edge. I can only describe it as "rich bitch" and few accents will raise my hackles faster. That definitely did not improve my reaction to the story.

I attempted the next one, but, having a big chip on my shoulder about the word hillbilly and the attendant stereotypes that go with it, I was hugely offended by the way the fictional narrator was talking down to these people. I moved on after about five minutes.

When the next story was a drama critic's scathing review of children's Christmas productions, I just turned the whole thing off in disgust.

The elf story was definitely worth a listen, but I personally can't recommend any of the other stories.

This is a reread for me, although this version has a few more new stories.

Sedaris's version of the holidays is a comfort in a world saturated with sentimentality during Christmas. He pushes the limits, and hearing it in his voice is the way to go.

"The Santaland Diaries" feels like the greatest classic, about being a seasonal Macy's elf.

"Six to Eight Black Men" was my favorite this time around, about how Christmas traditions are different in Holland, and how political correctness tends to alter those traditions over time (necessarily, I'd add, yikes!)

This audiobook also includes one story recorded live, and that's the best experience. Stories are fine with perfectly produced rounded music intros, but it is the audience that really provides the energy.

This was an entertaining collection of humorous holiday stories. These are mostly Christmas tales but there are a few Hallowe’en and Easter stories too.

SantaLand Diaries - 3 stars
Season’s Greetings to Our Friends and Family!!! - 3 stars
Based Upon a True Story - 5 stars
Front Row Centre with Thaddeus Bristol - 3 stars
Christian Means Giving - 4 stars
Dinah, the Christmas Whore - 5 stars
Jesus Shaves - 5 stars
Us and Them - 4 stars
Let it Snow - 2 stars
Six to Eight Black Men - 4 stars
The Monster Mash - 3 stars
The Cow and the Turkey - 4 stars

Overall - 4.1 stars

There was some 5-star stuff here. Santaland Diaries is a classic. The play form, at the Horizon Theater has been our family Atlanta Christmas Eve tradition for years (we are Jewish, but whatever) and its always a blast. And there is other 5-star material here (6 to 8 Black Men springs to mind), all of which I have heard on other recordings. But there is also some terrible stuff here. Basically, if its based on Sedaris' real life, its going to be good, if its fiction its going to be bad and really offensive. Now I am hard to offend, really, but the constant and casual use of the word "retard" as an insult got me, as did a punchline about a baby being murdered in a washing machine and dryer. and the unapologetically racist depictions of characters. Also the stories are simply not very good. So the 2.5 is an average, rounded down for hideous racism and general meanness. I really love Sedaris, I have a history of 5-star reads from him, but you can skip this one.

I’ve heard or read all of these stories at some point, but it was great to revisit them in this collection. Jesus Shaves and Six to Eight Black Men are two of my all time favorites; even after rereading for them for the umpteenth time, they had me doubled over with laughter. I prefer the stories based on Sedaris’s real life experiences over the other fictional first person (or animal) narratives. Those fictional pieces can be kinda dark, and they make up about half of this book. Still, a great collection for people who love Sedaris and/or the grinches among us.

This is a humorous selection of short stories about various holidays. My favorite was "The Santaland Diaries" about the author's job as an elf at Macy's, helping Santa as thousands of parents bring their kids through the line for pictures. It was a mixed bag of stories, told with David Sedaris' dry sense of humor. I've read some of his other humorous books about his family, and have seen him in person, and do not feel that this collection is his best work.

*** 3.75 ***

A collection of short stories on different holiday themes. Not really about the holidays, but observations of life around the holidays.

After a somewhat rough start, I found the first story the weakest in the bunch, the second had a bit more to offer, the next were what I have grown to expect from this author. David Sedaris has never been a riotous comedian. He is an acquired taste and his humor has to do with the observations of regular people and their everyday lives, with quite a bit of morbid fascination with tragedy and the absurd ways our brains choose to deal with it as safety mechanisms.

One of the things that I was surprised how much it bothered me, was the use of the word "retarded". I know that at the time this was written, it was in regular use of everyone's vernacular, but I guess I have come to enjoy it being mostly in our past, because it definitely startled me... In the 90's, I remember it being well used in all types of circumstances, particularly on the East Coast, and proudly, but I am glad it's use has tapered down significantly...

Best stories, in my opinion, were the grade school theater reviews, and the "prostitute" friend

There is something so very, very wrong with David Sedaris. I love him so much! I'm tickled that his book is what made me meet my 2018 reading challenge!