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5★
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story."
If you are inclined to bouts of depression, find another book. If you've lived with or are fond of someone followed by the Black Dog, this describes the intensity of the feelings (and the treatment) well.
Countless critics and reviewers have written about this sad 'memoir' (written as fiction and first published under a pseudonym) about depression, but it is also full of funny anecdotes and perfect insight into American East Coast college girls in the 1950s.
Knowing that it’s autobiographical makes it more painful than usual to watch someone curl up in despair, feeling as if she’s been captured under a bell jar, suffocating. Being exceptionally smart, talented, popular and loved is no preventive against depression.
She is driven to write, and when she isn’t driven, she fears she’ll never get that feeling again. Therapy, asylums, shock treatment, you name it, it's done to her.
I’ve not read Plath’s poems, for which she is much lauded, but I liked the one that was included. I can’t help wondering if she’d lived a generation or two later if she’d have found anything that would have helped her better.
Interestingly, to me, are the mentions of feeling some comfort being in a tiny crawl space or wedged between her mattress and the padded headboard.
n “It felt dark and safe under there, but the mattress was not heavy enough. It needed about a ton more weight to make me sleep.”n
This is reminiscent of Temple Grandin’s hug machine and the similar weights and aids that are used with people on the autism spectrum who may not tolerate real hugs but who crave the relief that pressure can give. There’s now a lot of information about these, but there wasn’t back then. Rooms with no windows feel safe to her, too.
Her alter-ego is Esther, and this scene is when she had a month’s internship at the popular Ladies Day magazine. She’s gone there, thinking she’s always wanted to go to graduate school or study in Europe, become a professor and write. But when her boss calls her in and asks her point blank what she wants to do, Esther is astonished to hear herself reply:
n “'I don’t really know,' and I recognized it, the way you recognize some nondescript person that’s been hanging around your door for ages and then suddenly comes up and introduces himself as your real father and looks exactly like you, so you know he really is your father, and the person you thought all your life was your father is a sham.”n
This sort of thing that we might do ourselves and wonder idly about, has really thrown her. The fact that she gave father as an example is interesting, in that, her father died when she was very young, and she mentions later that she was never really happy after that. So for her to even contemplate as an example the idea of his being a sham tells us how startling she found her impulsive answer: n “I don’t really know.”n
But there are so many funny anecdotes, that it’s not all heavy-going. She drank all the water (including the blossoms) in the first fingerbowl she ever saw (at a wealthy benefactor’s, who kindly didn’t remark on it), and found out only later when a college debutante told her. She dates, teases, goes to parties, joins in plenty of college-aged antics.
Her sarcasm and cynicism come through in comments such as this, when she and her med-student boyfriend are outside a delivery room, hearing a woman in labour making a lot of noise. He tells her that the woman is on a drug that will make her forget all about the pain because she’s in a kind of twilight sleep. (Yeah, right.)
Esther thinks:
n “I thought it sounded just like the sort of drug a man would invent. Here was a woman in terrible pain, obviously feeling every bit of it or she wouldn’t groan like that, and she would go straight home and start another baby, because the drug would make her forget how bad the pain had been, when all the time, in some secret part of her, that long, blind, doorless and windowless corridor of pain was waiting to open up and shut her in again.”n
She wants to grow up, become an adult, lose her virginity, become one of them but remain outside of them, whoever they are. The popular crowd. She actually did a pretty good job of straddling the divide, I think, but that may have been part of her undoing.
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story.
From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was EE Gee [her initials], the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, [many more dreams]. . . and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out.
I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
There’s an enormous amount of information available about Plath and her work, as there is about Temple Grandin and hers, although they are very different women. Still, I sense some connection there.
I enjoyed the writing and have only a bit of criticism about the loose ends that I think she was unable to tie up and that we may think we have figured out, but I'm not entirely sure.
I'm sorry she didn't find, as the women in labour were supposed to find, an escape from feeling that an "secret part of her, that long, blind, doorless and windowless corridor of pain was waiting to open up and shut her in again.”n
My edition had a lengthy editor’s note at the end with some sketches and a biographical note by Lois Ames.
Fascinating.
P.S. See comment #25 for my response to another reader who hated the book because they were triggered by the racism and language, especially the use of the "n -word" (not the usual "n-word", but "Negro"), which IS what we were taught was the appropriate language in the 1950s.
Written in April 1963, this is the "Letter from a Birmingham Jail" by Martin Luther King Jr. addressing his fellow clergymen about his work. In it he uses the word 'Negro' 64 times and the word 'black' only 5 times and when talking about 'black nationalists'.
https://www.africa.upenn.edu/Articles...
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story."
If you are inclined to bouts of depression, find another book. If you've lived with or are fond of someone followed by the Black Dog, this describes the intensity of the feelings (and the treatment) well.
Countless critics and reviewers have written about this sad 'memoir' (written as fiction and first published under a pseudonym) about depression, but it is also full of funny anecdotes and perfect insight into American East Coast college girls in the 1950s.
Knowing that it’s autobiographical makes it more painful than usual to watch someone curl up in despair, feeling as if she’s been captured under a bell jar, suffocating. Being exceptionally smart, talented, popular and loved is no preventive against depression.
She is driven to write, and when she isn’t driven, she fears she’ll never get that feeling again. Therapy, asylums, shock treatment, you name it, it's done to her.
I’ve not read Plath’s poems, for which she is much lauded, but I liked the one that was included. I can’t help wondering if she’d lived a generation or two later if she’d have found anything that would have helped her better.
Interestingly, to me, are the mentions of feeling some comfort being in a tiny crawl space or wedged between her mattress and the padded headboard.
n “It felt dark and safe under there, but the mattress was not heavy enough. It needed about a ton more weight to make me sleep.”n
This is reminiscent of Temple Grandin’s hug machine and the similar weights and aids that are used with people on the autism spectrum who may not tolerate real hugs but who crave the relief that pressure can give. There’s now a lot of information about these, but there wasn’t back then. Rooms with no windows feel safe to her, too.
Her alter-ego is Esther, and this scene is when she had a month’s internship at the popular Ladies Day magazine. She’s gone there, thinking she’s always wanted to go to graduate school or study in Europe, become a professor and write. But when her boss calls her in and asks her point blank what she wants to do, Esther is astonished to hear herself reply:
n “'I don’t really know,' and I recognized it, the way you recognize some nondescript person that’s been hanging around your door for ages and then suddenly comes up and introduces himself as your real father and looks exactly like you, so you know he really is your father, and the person you thought all your life was your father is a sham.”n
This sort of thing that we might do ourselves and wonder idly about, has really thrown her. The fact that she gave father as an example is interesting, in that, her father died when she was very young, and she mentions later that she was never really happy after that. So for her to even contemplate as an example the idea of his being a sham tells us how startling she found her impulsive answer: n “I don’t really know.”n
But there are so many funny anecdotes, that it’s not all heavy-going. She drank all the water (including the blossoms) in the first fingerbowl she ever saw (at a wealthy benefactor’s, who kindly didn’t remark on it), and found out only later when a college debutante told her. She dates, teases, goes to parties, joins in plenty of college-aged antics.
Her sarcasm and cynicism come through in comments such as this, when she and her med-student boyfriend are outside a delivery room, hearing a woman in labour making a lot of noise. He tells her that the woman is on a drug that will make her forget all about the pain because she’s in a kind of twilight sleep. (Yeah, right.)
Esther thinks:
n “I thought it sounded just like the sort of drug a man would invent. Here was a woman in terrible pain, obviously feeling every bit of it or she wouldn’t groan like that, and she would go straight home and start another baby, because the drug would make her forget how bad the pain had been, when all the time, in some secret part of her, that long, blind, doorless and windowless corridor of pain was waiting to open up and shut her in again.”n
She wants to grow up, become an adult, lose her virginity, become one of them but remain outside of them, whoever they are. The popular crowd. She actually did a pretty good job of straddling the divide, I think, but that may have been part of her undoing.
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story.
From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was EE Gee [her initials], the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, [many more dreams]. . . and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out.
I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
There’s an enormous amount of information available about Plath and her work, as there is about Temple Grandin and hers, although they are very different women. Still, I sense some connection there.
I enjoyed the writing and have only a bit of criticism about the loose ends that I think she was unable to tie up and that we may think we have figured out, but I'm not entirely sure.
I'm sorry she didn't find, as the women in labour were supposed to find, an escape from feeling that an "secret part of her, that long, blind, doorless and windowless corridor of pain was waiting to open up and shut her in again.”n
My edition had a lengthy editor’s note at the end with some sketches and a biographical note by Lois Ames.
Fascinating.
P.S. See comment #25 for my response to another reader who hated the book because they were triggered by the racism and language, especially the use of the "n -word" (not the usual "n-word", but "Negro"), which IS what we were taught was the appropriate language in the 1950s.
Written in April 1963, this is the "Letter from a Birmingham Jail" by Martin Luther King Jr. addressing his fellow clergymen about his work. In it he uses the word 'Negro' 64 times and the word 'black' only 5 times and when talking about 'black nationalists'.
https://www.africa.upenn.edu/Articles...