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Charlie knew he was already dead now, had to go somewhere, do something, to get his mind off the pain. Charlie went straight, now closer to them his hands covered the mess in his trousers. Shoot him Charlie shoot him. The blood trail he left straight as a knife cut. Getting there getting there. Charlie getting to the arroyo, pitching into Garrett's arms, slobbering his stomach on Garrett's gun belt. Hello Charlie, said Pat quietly.
The fascination with Billy the Kid is more fascinating than the man himself, really, but this is a very good example. I just wish more of it held up like the above quote. The time shifts work really well; the perspective shifts not so much. Also, there are some jarring anachronisms and inaccuracies. (Look, I never said I hadn't been one of the fascinated!) If it had stuck more with the pathos of the thing, I would have really loved this. Still, the poetry is very good. (The library is kicking me out but I'll come back and put a scrap in later.) And as ever, Pat Garrett is the most sympathetic person in any story about Billy the Kid, so it got that right.
The fascination with Billy the Kid is more fascinating than the man himself, really, but this is a very good example. I just wish more of it held up like the above quote. The time shifts work really well; the perspective shifts not so much. Also, there are some jarring anachronisms and inaccuracies. (Look, I never said I hadn't been one of the fascinated!) If it had stuck more with the pathos of the thing, I would have really loved this. Still, the poetry is very good. (The library is kicking me out but I'll come back and put a scrap in later.) And as ever, Pat Garrett is the most sympathetic person in any story about Billy the Kid, so it got that right.