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Review #7 of "Year of the Review All Read Books"
The following is a recently recovered collection of notes and feedback given to Thomas Ruggles Pynchon from his writing workshop classmate [redacted] at Cornell University. In the case of "The Secret Integration" the story was completed after his undergraduate years and the response is actually mailed ~1962-1963.
The Small Rain
I was liking the Hemingway tone of it until you ruined it with the self-referential dig at him. Also felt like the characters were more interesting to you than they were to the reader. Good names though, Lardass, Picnic.
The action didn't really seem intense though, huh? I guess the climactic point of the story seemed to be the one paragraph about the death detail. I get the mechanic efficiency and the dehumanization therein (points for casual vomiting on the job though) but aside from that it was like a diary of some army guys looking for ways to kill time. I was pretty bored man, sorry.
Low-lands
I'm not so crazy about a story in which the characters tell a bunch of stories. But you did backdrop it against some interesting elements. Junkyard and secret societies are brilliant, but they feel more novel (yes, pun intended, puns are always intended). I don't know if you have any plans to make this a novel, but I feel like I've seen the name Pig Bodine in one of your earlier pieces?
Entropy
"Tell a girl 'I love you.' No ruble with two-thirds of that, it's a closed circuit. Just you and she. But that nasty four-letter word in the middle, that's the one you have to look out for" OMG so relevant!!
I still feel like you're not quite getting to the "plotness" of a good story y'know? What about all those great spy thrillers you've been recommending me? Those have tons of actions and consequences. To be honest it's really obvious that you enjoy a good metaphor (had to look up what entropy was, this is grade-a stuff here). I'm not saying you can't have plotless stories. Hell, look at Joyce. But I don't know if you've really *earned* this quite yet. Also, I have no idea who the main character is. I think you want it to be Callisto?
PS: Just a fun creative idea. What if, to expand on the Entropy theme, you eventually have people talking in different languages by the end of the party? Just a thought.
Under the Rose
Hell yeah, now we're getting somewhere. Plot. Chase scenes. Consequences. It's a little occluded and I don't know that I buy the whole "broke the gentlemanly code among spies" or whatever.
A spy depending on intuition is interesting, but not necessarily, idk, believable? Also I don't think they had wires and machines looking like humans back then Tom
PS: Totally relate to Goodfellow and Wren. I mean, happens to me all the time, but I hear there are these pills you know…
The Secret Integration
There's so much good stuff here Tom. The best is that it's a gang of kids and almost dressed up like a kids adventure but you're tackling serious themes of race drawing really cool parallels with underground societies and reactionaries. Plus you get really deep and emotional especially with McAfree. It's a maturity I haven't seen in you before. In the past I feel like you've depended on men who are (literally) too mechanical but even your deployment of the young kid in AA ends up simultaneously absurd and beautiful.
Now, the ending was a little goofy. Where you come and tell us straight out who exactly Carl was (or wasn't). It's like showing you how the magic trick is done after you've just performed it. I kind of want to believe in the magic still.
The following is a recently recovered collection of notes and feedback given to Thomas Ruggles Pynchon from his writing workshop classmate [redacted] at Cornell University. In the case of "The Secret Integration" the story was completed after his undergraduate years and the response is actually mailed ~1962-1963.
The Small Rain
I was liking the Hemingway tone of it until you ruined it with the self-referential dig at him. Also felt like the characters were more interesting to you than they were to the reader. Good names though, Lardass, Picnic.
The action didn't really seem intense though, huh? I guess the climactic point of the story seemed to be the one paragraph about the death detail. I get the mechanic efficiency and the dehumanization therein (points for casual vomiting on the job though) but aside from that it was like a diary of some army guys looking for ways to kill time. I was pretty bored man, sorry.
Low-lands
I'm not so crazy about a story in which the characters tell a bunch of stories. But you did backdrop it against some interesting elements. Junkyard and secret societies are brilliant, but they feel more novel (yes, pun intended, puns are always intended). I don't know if you have any plans to make this a novel, but I feel like I've seen the name Pig Bodine in one of your earlier pieces?
Entropy
"Tell a girl 'I love you.' No ruble with two-thirds of that, it's a closed circuit. Just you and she. But that nasty four-letter word in the middle, that's the one you have to look out for" OMG so relevant!!
I still feel like you're not quite getting to the "plotness" of a good story y'know? What about all those great spy thrillers you've been recommending me? Those have tons of actions and consequences. To be honest it's really obvious that you enjoy a good metaphor (had to look up what entropy was, this is grade-a stuff here). I'm not saying you can't have plotless stories. Hell, look at Joyce. But I don't know if you've really *earned* this quite yet. Also, I have no idea who the main character is. I think you want it to be Callisto?
PS: Just a fun creative idea. What if, to expand on the Entropy theme, you eventually have people talking in different languages by the end of the party? Just a thought.
Under the Rose
Hell yeah, now we're getting somewhere. Plot. Chase scenes. Consequences. It's a little occluded and I don't know that I buy the whole "broke the gentlemanly code among spies" or whatever.
A spy depending on intuition is interesting, but not necessarily, idk, believable? Also I don't think they had wires and machines looking like humans back then Tom
PS: Totally relate to Goodfellow and Wren. I mean, happens to me all the time, but I hear there are these pills you know…
The Secret Integration
There's so much good stuff here Tom. The best is that it's a gang of kids and almost dressed up like a kids adventure but you're tackling serious themes of race drawing really cool parallels with underground societies and reactionaries. Plus you get really deep and emotional especially with McAfree. It's a maturity I haven't seen in you before. In the past I feel like you've depended on men who are (literally) too mechanical but even your deployment of the young kid in AA ends up simultaneously absurd and beautiful.
Now, the ending was a little goofy. Where you come and tell us straight out who exactly Carl was (or wasn't). It's like showing you how the magic trick is done after you've just performed it. I kind of want to believe in the magic still.