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“I placed him, his arms splayed limply. I lay down beside him and drew him close. I pretended to myself that he would wake up in the wee hours with his usual lusty cry for milk. For a time his little pulse beat fast, his tiny heart pounding. But toward midnight the rhythms became broken and weak and finally fluttered and faded away. I told him I loved him and would never forget him, and then I folded my body around my dead baby and wept until finally, for the last time, I fell asleep with him in my arms.
In the morning I gathered him to me. I gathered him up off the gory pallet and ran into the street. My neighbors were all standing there, their faces turned to me, full of grief and fear. Some had tears in their eyes. But the howling voice was mine.”
The emotional impact of what she had written down hit me in the first few pages. I had not intended to read this book yet; i only came to look, but then I couldn’t look away.
I thought of how it must have been to have found yourself alive when most of those whom you have loved and cared for had died, and you had watched it all. The dying must have settled in like a cold winter’s night or maybe it felt like nothing at all. Perhaps, you didn’t know what you were feeling after a while. Your prayers, if you gave them, went unanswered. If you had asked for forgiveness, it didn’t come. Then maybe after a while there were just no more prayers in you to give.
This was also a time when all you had left was memories, and maybe these memories are something that you wish you didn’t have, maybe you wish that they had been wiped out along with the plague. Then there was the silence of the dead; It was deafening to wake up each morning with that silence in you head or to dream that you were holding your loved one in your arms, and then waking up to find nothing was there. There are just some things that life brings to us that should never have happened.` And all you can hope for is someday thinking of it as all a bad dream.
“It is natural to want to forget, Anna, when everyday is a brimful of sadness. But those souls also forgot those that they had loved. You do not want that, surely? I have heard some preach that God wants us to forget the dead, but I cannot believe so. I think He gives us precious recollections so that we may not be parted entirely from those He has given us to love. You must cherish your memories of your babes, Anna, until you see them again in Heaven.”
In the morning I gathered him to me. I gathered him up off the gory pallet and ran into the street. My neighbors were all standing there, their faces turned to me, full of grief and fear. Some had tears in their eyes. But the howling voice was mine.”
The emotional impact of what she had written down hit me in the first few pages. I had not intended to read this book yet; i only came to look, but then I couldn’t look away.
I thought of how it must have been to have found yourself alive when most of those whom you have loved and cared for had died, and you had watched it all. The dying must have settled in like a cold winter’s night or maybe it felt like nothing at all. Perhaps, you didn’t know what you were feeling after a while. Your prayers, if you gave them, went unanswered. If you had asked for forgiveness, it didn’t come. Then maybe after a while there were just no more prayers in you to give.
This was also a time when all you had left was memories, and maybe these memories are something that you wish you didn’t have, maybe you wish that they had been wiped out along with the plague. Then there was the silence of the dead; It was deafening to wake up each morning with that silence in you head or to dream that you were holding your loved one in your arms, and then waking up to find nothing was there. There are just some things that life brings to us that should never have happened.` And all you can hope for is someday thinking of it as all a bad dream.
“It is natural to want to forget, Anna, when everyday is a brimful of sadness. But those souls also forgot those that they had loved. You do not want that, surely? I have heard some preach that God wants us to forget the dead, but I cannot believe so. I think He gives us precious recollections so that we may not be parted entirely from those He has given us to love. You must cherish your memories of your babes, Anna, until you see them again in Heaven.”