I listened to Huge Laurie reading an abridged version of Jerome K. Jerome's Three Men and a Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog).

Before you ask, Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings came into being in my head long before I had even heard of Jerome K. Jerome. However, listening to the book yielded up the following passage that I enjoyed so much I had to immediately look it up on the interwebs.

The order of the procession was as follows:

Montmorency, carrying a stick.
Two disreputable-looking curs, friends of Montmorency's.
George, carrying coats and rugs, and smoking a short pipe.
Harris, trying to walk with easy grace, while carrying a bulged-out Gladstone bag in one hand and a bottle of lime-juice in the other.
Greengrocer's boy and baker's boy, with baskets.
Boots from the hotel, carrying hamper.
Confectioner's boy, with basket.
Grocer's boy, with basket.
Long-haired dog.
Cheesemonger's boy, with basket.
Odd man carrying a bag.
Bosom companion of odd man, with his hands in his pockets, smoking a short clay.
Fruiterer's boy, with basket.
Myself, carrying three hats and a pair of boots, and trying to look as if I didn't know it.
Six small boys, and four stray dogs.

When we got down to the landing-stage, the boatman said: "Let me see, sir; was yours a steam-launch or a house-boat?"

On our informing him it was a double-sculling skiff, he seemed surprised.

~ Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men and a Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog), 1889

The marvelous thing about the above excerpt, is the window it gives into country village life in the late 1800s. I was so charmed by it that I was derailed for hours investigating the different mongers and their produce. Look for a tiny ode to the cheesmonger's boy to show up in the last scene of the first Finishing School Book the First: Etiquette & Espionage.

What an enchanting novel! I loved it because it made me happy to read it. I found the story totally a lark about three men and a dog on a boat trip together down the Thames. It was one of those novels that makes the reader laugh so much that tears often roll down your face. Taken within the context of totally inept men who do not see the follies of their ways, the book is one that seems to poke so much fun at the British way of life that these men grew up in. Originally intended as a bit of a travel log, the funny repartee between the men and of course the dog, make the reader laugh so hard with that sense of utter enjoyment and outright fun.

Surprisingly, this book written in 1899 seems to transcend time. The storyline that was funny in 1889 is still funny today and the fact that more than one hundred years later, one still gets a great sense of fun from the reading is amazing. The book is actually based on the adventure of real people, Jerome the author, being the narrator of this much needed vacation for these totally "overworked" and overwrought men. It starts out by the the author who is a hypochondriac relating all the many illnesses he feels he has and proceeds to describing the vacation that the three friends and their dog, who is quite something himself, will prepare for and eventually embark on.

The novel is pure fun and adventure and if you haven't read this short book, I urge you to. It will uplift a bad mood into hilarity and make you think about how much fun you had while embarking on this journey with J, Harris, George and Montmorency the dog.

"It was the best of ideas, it was the worst of ideas."

Three men who are the best of friends agree they are overworked and need rest. They hit on the best of ideas – to take a boating vacation on the Thames from Kingston upon Thames to Oxford and back to Kingston. Two weeks on ‘the rolling deep’ sounds like fun.

The narrator, J. (the author himself), George, Harris, and Montmorency, make plans to go up the river for ‘fresh air, exercise and quiet.’ They expect to work up a good appetite and to sleep well. I wondered why the title was Three Men In A Boat when four names were mentioned. Then I learned in Chapter 2 that Montmorency is a dog and every inch as loony as the three men.

That this getaway may turn out to be the worst of ideas began as soon the party sat down to pack for the trip. It was hilarious watching them throw together food, clothing, a kettle, and a whole barrage of paraphernalia they need. There was J. obsessing that he has forgotten to pack his toothbrush, with endless opening and closing of luggage to check and check again. I thought they will never get off for the trip. Finally, 'Home at last on the waters for two weeks!' I was really excited for them.

As one would expect, they bicker and fight over who will scull and tow the boat, cook the meals, and wash up, and where to camp for the night. I laughed reading about three men who cannot peel a potato to save their lives trying to cook an Irish stew. And to think they half contemplated adding to the garish concoction a water rat offered by Montmorency. Then there is a tantalizing can of pineapples they long to eat and they have no can opener. Oh, that episode was priceless.

Folks who have spent time boating down a weir will appreciate the demands of sculling and towing, and the misadventures that can happen. With the three men, everything that can go wrong goes diabolically wrong. I felt relief whenever their boat was safely anchored and they could finally settle down for supper.

Comedy aside, this is an interesting travelogue that carries some gorgeous description of scenery along the Thames. I googled the Knight Templars and the Bisham Abbey, once home to Anne of Cleves and Princess Elizabeth (later Queen Elizabeth). I looked up pictures of a double-sculling skiff and even watched a Youtube video of how to work a lock on a river.

When the novel ended, I was sorry that the trip was over. But I suspect the three men and their dog were hugely relieved. What an unholy, madcap trinity plus one lovable dog!

Some quotes which I enjoyed:

A new day
‘It was a glorious morning, late spring or early summer, as you care to take it, when the dainty sheen of grass and leaf is blushing to a deeper green; and the year seems like a fair young maid, trembling with strange, wakening pulses on the brink of womanhood.’

Making tea
‘We put the kettle on to boil, up in the nose of the boat, … and pretended to take no notice of it… That is the only way to get a kettle to boil up the river. If it sees that you are waiting for it and are anxious, it will never even sing. You have to go away and begin your meal, as if you were not going to have any tea at all. You must not even look round at it. Then you will soon hear it sputtering away, mad to be made into tea.’

After a meal
‘How good one feels when one is full - how satisfied with ourselves and with the world! People who have tried it, tell me that a clear conscience makes you very happy and contented; but a full stomach does the business quite well, and is cheaper, and more easily obtained. One feels so forgiving and generous after a substantial and well-digested meal - so noble-minded, so kindly-hearted.’

Night
‘Night’s heart is full of pity for us: she cannot ease our aching; she takes our hand in hers, and the little world grows very small and very far away beneath us, and borne on her dark wings, we pass for a moment into a mightier Presence than her own, and in the wondrous light of that great Presence, all human life lies like a book before us, and we know that Pain and Sorrow are but the angels of God.’

Work
‘I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.’