Just no. If I could give zero, I'd do it. It started off ok, but heck. He came across as pompous. Then there were the comparisons to slavery. Yep. Slavery. Talks about our feelings like slaves and slave owners and the treatment of each. Just NO. Then there's the God thing. Too much. Pulp it.

Right I’m done with this.
I’ve just gotten to the part where this idiot likens emotion regulation to “slave-owning” & then goes on to say if you don’t manage your slaves they’ll be coming into your mansion & breaking into your liquor cabinet... ?!
I can see why this book had its success back in the day, but there are actually hundreds of books that cover the same information that are so much better & actually based on research rather than the personal experiences of an egotistical privileged upper class white boy.
He uses generalisations like “these kinds of women” & other language that hints at an underlying misogyny & homophobia. There are odd conservative ideas such as that the giddiness of “falling in love” is to enable us to get through the fear of marrying someone (how does that make sense, scientifically-speaking, since marriage is our invention & not a biological necessity?!) And promiscuity is only mentioned in the context of being a symptom of mental illness in ONLY female patients.
He’s basically giving his own subjective conclusions as fact, & it’s clear his perspective is very much narrowed to that of a rich white straight man.
This book should have aged out - there are plenty of better authors to go to. Skip this cringe-fest.

This is a revisit but a perfect quarantine read as I have been thinking about life, personal growth, love, etc. as things slow down. The author, Scott Peck, is a Harvard grad and a renown psychiatrist. After seeing numerous patients, listening to their stories, and helping them out of the traps, Dr. Peck told us how deal with the imperfect self, other human beings, life and the spiritual world through stories of discipline, love, religion and grace.

How should we view depression?
Since mentally healthy human beings must grow, and since giving up or loss of the old self is an integral part of the process of mental and spiritual growth, depression is normal and basically healthy phenomenon. It becomes abnormal or unhealthy only when something interferes with the give-up process, with the result that the depression is prolonged and cannot be resolved by completion of the process.
How to get out of temporary depression?
Bracketing: balancing the need for stability and assertion of the self with the need for new knowledge and greater understanding by temporarily giving up one's self - putting one's self aside, to make room for the incorporation of new material into the shelf.

As Benjamin Franklin said, those things that hurt, instruct.
The best measure of a person's greatness is the capacity for suffering.

This book is such a classic! I would recommend this book as a spiritual serum to heal your wounds in your own battles against life, relationships, and growths.

Overall, Peck’s work resonated with me. I was mildly surprised by the insight when he discussed challenging pre-conceived notions of love and what it truly takes to love. To sum this book up-we need to focus on being a person worthy of love instead of searching for love.

I also really connected with the multi-faceted concept of “discipline” in the way that it is described throughout the book: delaying of gratification, acceptance of responsibility, dedication to truth, and balancing.

It was hard for me to digest some of the “spiritual” talk and his connections in these ways, but when compounded with the ideals of love, this was sitting a bit better with me.

One of my favorite passages (p.83-84): “What makes crises of these transition periods in the life cycle-that is, problematic and painful-is that in successfully working our way through them we must give up cherished notions and old ways of doing and looking at things. Many people are either unwilling or unable to suffer the pain of giving up the outgrown which needs to be forsaken. Consequently they cling, often forever, to their old patterns of thinking and behaving, thus failing to negotiate any crisis, to truly grow up, and to experience the joyful sense of rebirth that accompanies the successful transition into greater maturity”. He then shares that although “an entire book could be written about each one” there are certain aspects (“desires and attitudes”) that every human being must “give up”:

-The state of infancy, in which no external demands need be responded to
-The fantasy of omnipotence
-The desire for total (including sexual) possession of one's parent(s)
-The dependency of childhood
-Distorted images of one's parents
-The omnipotentiality of adolescence
-The "freedom" of uncommitment
-The agility of youth
-The sexual attractiveness and/or potency of youth
-The fantasy of immortality
-Authority over one's children
-Various forms of temporal power
-The independence of physical health
And, ultimately, the self and life itself.

Wow! We must ALL experiences these losses. Minus a few given to certain life choices, such as raising children. This list was actually kind of refreshing to look over. (In a twisted sort of way?)

Although not written by Peck, but by Sam King in his work “To A Dancing God”, another passage has been repeating through my mind when thinking of the aforementioned list above:

“Mature awareness is possible only when I have digested and compensated for the biases and prejudices that are the residue of my personal history. Awareness of what presents itself to me involves a double movement of attention: silencing the familiar and welcoming the strange. Each time I approach a strange object, person, or event, I have a tendency to let my present needs, past experience, or expectations for the future determine what I will see. If I am to appreciate the uniqueness of any datum, I must be sufficiently aware of my preconceived ideas and characteristic emotional distortions to bracket them long enough to welcome strangeness and novelty into my perceptual world. This discipline of bracketing, compensating, or silencing requires sophisticated self-knowledge and courageous honesty. Yet, without this discipline each present moment is only the repetition of something already seen or experienced. In order for genuine novelty to emerge, for the unique presence of things, persons, or events to take root in me, I must undergo a decentralization of the ego” (85).

Probably one of the best books I've ever read :)
I've seen recommendations from friends of mine and marked it as "must read this year".
I'm happy of being able to finish it. I couldn't stop reading it since I started and delayed previous books I was reading at the time.
Definitely a "must" for everyone.

I give this book five stars because I can honestly say that reading it has made me a better person. I have plenty of criticisms, which I will get to, but the bottom line is that there are a lot of difficult truths in this book and it stands as a challenge and a guide to the reader to progress and develop beyond where you may be comfortable. I do not often read or like this genre of book, but my mom has been recommending this book to me for years and I finally borrowed her copy (which incidentally was published the year I was born!).

There is quite a bit in here that I do not agree with and some things that just seem banal or just untrue. But there are other parts that are so incredibly insightful and overwhelmingly true--which made me wish that I had read this book earlier. A lot of people may have issues with the last 1/3 of the book when the author delves into his religious beliefs and philosophy, but I have to admit that that was my favorite part. I think he accurately describes the nature of God and the process of man becoming like God. This part is the least "scientific", but the most inspiring.

(I also admit that the book made me want to be a therapist (again) as this sort of analysis is like a hobby for me and this type of book may not be for everyone as he really gets into some psychology theory and jargon.)

Good until I had to abandon it halfway through because he compared having feelings to “the art of slave owning” DONE!

I read this book because it was recommended to me by a girl I was dating. I found Section I on Discipline to be eh and there were some parts I flat out disagreed with and found his rationale for some of his conclusions very questionable. Section II on Love grew on me. Sections III and IV on Growth and Religion, and Grace (respectively) won me over. And that's hard to do especially on the topics of religion/spirituality. My biggest takeaway was had my ex followed this guidance better, she likely wouldn't have run away! And on the flip side, had I read this book earlier, maybe I wouldnt have run away from some good situations as well. LOL.

I first read this book more than thirty years ago, as a seventeen-year-old high school student. Wow, it was quite a trip to re-read it. I remembered my teenage mind being blown away by it, and I remembered it being pretty formative. Revisiting it with the perspective of so many years having passed, it's strange to think that if I were only coming to it for the first time now, I very well might be reading it as a completely different person having lived a completely life - that's how influential it was for me. Some of the ideals and values in it I internalized to such an extent that I had completely forgotten that I'd first come across them in this book, and it's strange to realize how much they're still with me: the idea of love as nurturing one's own and others' spiritual growth, the ideals of love as a work of attention, listening, understanding, courage, risk-taking, balancing, self-discipline, continual learning and growth, radical honesty and openness, unstinting commitment to the truth, honoring others' separateness and independence ...

I remember thinking not long ago: I have always been more of a risk-taker than most of my friends and acquaintances, is this really just an innate personality difference, or is something more going on there? And it's like, oh yeah, it's not just personality, it's also my values, because at the age of seventeen I committed myself to this whole spiritual path thing and decided that one of things I valued most in the world was courage - I resolved that genuine love requires enormous courage, and I wanted to be a genuinely loving person; I came to believe most of the evil that people do to each other comes out of the absence of courage - cowardice or laziness or both. And, oh yeah, those ideas came directly out of this book, and shaped my life profoundly.

It's funny that so much of it at seventeen was so far beyond my ken - ideas he drops in like how the only healthy kind of marriage is open marriage, and how it's necessary to grow beyond received "hand-me-down" religious beliefs and formulate one's own belief system and religion and values for oneself in order to be mentally healthy, and yet people who abandon religion as part of their growth process also then often end up coming back to spirituality in some form or another as they continue forward on their path of self-development. But again, with the perspective of three decades looking back, a lot of it turns out to have been weirdly prophetic.

Of course, it's far from a perfect book or a perfect system of thought, and I can also see now things that were missing from it and things that may even have been problematic - in some ways, it's a bleak and austere worldview where you're not allowed to give yourself a break and just enjoy life, or just be, without always needing to push yourself to become better and reach your highest potential. It doesn't really tell you much about how to cope with grief and loss or trauma on any kind of practical level. It is highly suspicious of emotions as opposed to will and "the feeling of love" as opposed to the ideal of self-sacrificing, active love, love as Christian charity, love as a form of psychotherapy - to an extent that I now think is kind of blinkered and unhealthy. It way overemphasizes marriage, as if it were some kind of sole legitimate path of growth. It's lacking some insights about people's needs for intimacy and how to combat loneliness. Peck emphasizes that the path of spiritual growth is a path of aloneness, which is true, but isn't the whole story, I don't think - it also has to be a path of connection, of letting go of the need and desire to be on some sort of higher plane than other people so that one can't relate to their weaknesses and flaws and mistakes.

Would I recommend this book to other people, now, thirty year later? Yes, with the caveat that not only does it require some patience with its flaws, and some open-mindedness about religion and spirituality, but also that reading it is like going through therapy, meaning that it may stir extremely painful reflections and memories, and you might cry a lot of the way through, but then come out the other end feeling better, and like it was a painful surgery that ultimately made you healthier and stronger.

This book was recommended by one of my seminary teachers whose specialty was mitzvos bein adam l'chavero, i.e. the Biblical laws that govern interpersonal relationships. It was the only non-Jewish self-help book she respected, and considering her own expertise, I think that's quite a compliment.

As the subtitle states, this is a book about the union of psychology and spirituality, or more specifically, how psychotherapy and spirituality are so close, they are almost one and the same. Having been through a fair amount of therapy myself, I long ago came to the same conclusion: therapy, when done right, is the practical application of the self-improvement ideas of religion. As a matter of fact, this book was my Shabbos reading, far more appropriate than any fiction or politics I'd otherwise choose.

Having said that, I must warn my Jewish friends that the author writes from a Christian standpoint. Some of the ideas can be translated into Jewish terms, particularly the concept of "grace," which we Jews see as "Divine Providence." The words "yetzer hara" and "yetzer tov" are also not in the book, but the concepts are certainly there. The quotes from the Christian Bible - and there weren't that many - I just skipped over.

Actually, the author doesn't get too into Christianity until the second half of the book. The first two sections, called "Discipline" and "Love," are pretty much free of this, and I found them absolutely riveting. I'd read something like, "Listening is an act of love" and then find myself trying to listen better to my kids, which is what any self-help book should do to its reader. I found myself looking forward to reading more so that I could apply more ideas. To put it in Jewish terms, this book is an "avodah."

Naturally, I disagreed with some of his Christian-based conclusions. We are not commanded to become G-d, which is impossible, but to emulate His ways. I don't know if the author would consider that a "cop-out" on my part, but that's the Jewish point of view. G-d is much greater than we are. It's not an avoidance of responsibility to say so.

So overall, I thought it was an excellent book, one that I learned from and one that encouraged me. And I consider it a bit of "grace," (read: hashgacha) that I read the publisher's afterword at the end. The author's next book, The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace, takes these concepts to the community level. Community involvement is something I've been thinking about quite often lately, so now I've been shown a new step toward that goal. May Hashem help that I use His guidance toward real growth.

,, Du žmonės myli vienas kitą tiktai tada, kai jie sugeba gyventi vienas be kito, tačiau pasirenka gyventi vienas su kitu "

,, Jeigu, žmogus nutarė gyventi atsisakydamas rizikos ( netekties, išsiskyrimų, ir t.t.) teikiamo skausmo, jis turi atsisakyti daugelio dalykų: vaikų, santuokos, ekstazę teikiančių intymių santykių, siekių ir vilties, draugystės, - visko, kas įprasmina gyvenimą ir daro jį reikšmingą ir svarbų. Tobulėdami ar judėdami bet kuria kryptimi, būsite apdovanoti ir skausmu, ir džiaugsmu. Visavertis gyvenimas taip pat visada kupinas skausmo. Alternatyva tik viena; gyventi nevisaverčiai arba negyventi išviso " ( nieko nedaryti,pasiduoti, bijoti, yra negyventi)

,, Nuoširdžiai mylintys ne tik gerbia, bet ir skatina kito sutuoktinio individualumą net su išsiskyrimo ar praradimo rizika "

An extraordinary book about Life and the art of Living. It was the most complete and indepth book about personal development from which one become much more aware of the nature of all kinds of relationships.
This book will help to shape your vision of Life!
Please, just read it. Your perspective about things will never be the same. Notable, indeed!