I'm really enjoying this book! I can only deal with a collection of short stories when they're about the same person; and in this case the main character of each story is the author, Augusten Burroughs. Who knows if all the details are true, i don't care. What is evident, and wonderful is that the stories are each little gems that i don't want to end. Each chapter has wonderful sentences that make me run into the room where jason is, or poke him on the train, and read aloud.
I also believe i'm destined to have a gay son just like him, because I adore the character description of him as a flaming little boy fascinated by broadway, practiced monologues, and famous transexuals. What constant entertainment! I don't want this book to end.

UPDATE: I am finished reading this book, and loved every single story except the story about him trying to kill a mouse trapped in his bathtub. It was way too detailed, and involved bleach, pesticide, scalding water. ugh. disgusting. I didnt finish that one. Every other story was perfect, moving, and humorous.

There were certain parts of this book that made me laugh out loud. Definitely a good one!

An absolutely hilarious read for all those who love mean humour. Burroughs' detailed imagination realised by bitter words had me laughing hysterically at places while also making me ponder over my own life whenever he got romantic. In short, I loved it.

I enjoyed this book. I'm not big on autobiographies, but this author has a witty and hilarious way with words and spinning stories. I kinda wish I read his earlier books first, the ones about his earlier life, that might have been able to put some of it in context. But I did enjoy this. (Even though I'm about 3 years too late reading it at my friends' recommendation. Ooops.)

A friend loaned this to me recently, and I devoured it. It's pretty damn funny and insightful.

If it were my own book, I would have highlighted a ton of passages and quotes and regurgitated them here for you. Since it's not, I can't remember them all. But here's a particularly good one:

“I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.”

I plan on reading more from this author.

A few years ago I read Running with Scissors and found it over-the-top but tolerable. Then I read the sequel (Dry) and thought it was okay. Last year, I read Sellevision and detested it, swearing off Burroughs forever. But then I realized something: Burroughs is not a fiction writer – he’s a memoirist. So I decided to give Magical Thinking a chance because Burroughs was going back to his strength, and because rather than a full-length memoir, Magical Thinking is a series of short snippets of his life. Overall, I found it uneven. There are several snippets that are hysterical (my favorite being “Vanderbilt Genes”), but there a number that are fairly uninteresting. Burroughs’ trademark wit is still here, so I’m sure fans of Burroughs will like this very much. My biggest problem is, as I have written elsewhere, Burroughs is a poor man’s David Sedaris – the same crazy life stories flush with humor – but Burroughs lacks likability, and he admits that. Burroughs admits that he’s a terrible person with lots of issues, so the only thing that I can think of that makes him so popular is that he’s so open to revealing his terrible side to everyone it’s captivating in a horrible way. It’s like watching a train wreck happen. If you’re into keeping up with what stupid thing Britney Spears did this week, you’ll probably enjoy the Burroughs memoirs, too. I think this one is the last one for me, thanks.

03/06/2014 RE-READ

I am going to describe each of these stories for you in a Victorian Chapter Title. Because it's fun. :)

1.) Commercial Break. In Which Young Augusten Is Selected to Be In a Tang Commercial, But Discovers He is Horrible At Acting.
2.) Vanderbilt Genes. In Which Young Augusten Discovers What He's Suspected All Along – His Parents Aren't Really His Parents but Instead He Is A Lost Vanderbilt Child, Heir to Millions.
3.) Transfixed by Transsexuals. In Which Augusten Explains His Obsession with Transsexuals, Which Began in the Fourth Grade.
4.) Model Behavior. In Which Augusten Tells Us About Modeling School.
5.) I Dated An Undertaker. (Self-explanatory)
6.) And Now a Word From Our Sponsor. In Which Augusten Talks About His Hair, Or Lack Thereof.
7.) The Rat/Thing. In Which Augusten Kills a Mouse. Horrifying. I can't read this. Animal cruelty.
8.) Debby's Requirements. In Which Augusten Hires a Pscyho Maid. Psycho maid vs. psycho Augusten. Hilariously funny story. The absolute best story of the whole collection.
9.) Roof Work. In Which Augusten Pierces a Cyst in his Mouth, and Ends Up Having Dental Surgery.
10.) Beating Raoul. In Which Augusten Dates a Perfect Man Who Turns Out to Be Not So Perfect.
11.) Holy Blow Job. In Which Augusten Recalls the Three Separate Occasions in Which a Priest has Sucked him Off. Trigger warning: one is when he was 14.
12.) Mark the Shrink. Augusten dates a shrink and becomes neurotic. At the end of the story the shrink kills himself.
13.) Telemarketing Revenge. In Which Augusten F*cks Around with Telemarketers.
14.) My Last First Date. In Which Augusten Goes on a Great Date.
15.) The Schnauzer. In Which Augusten is in Love with the Guy in the Previous Story.
16.) Key Worst. In Which Augusten Travels to Key West, and Hates It.
17.) Ass Burger. In Which Augusten Discusses his Genius Brother Who Has Asperger's Syndrome.
18.) Life Cycle of the North American Opossum. In Which Augusten Struggles with a Possum that Likes to Eat His Dog's Excrement.
19.) Cunnilingusville. In Which Augusten Makes Observations about the Amish.
20.) I Kid You Not. In Which Augusten Explains Why He Will Never Have Children.
21.) I'm Gonna Live Forever. In Which Augusten Explains What It's Like to Be A Famous Author.
22.) Total Turnaround. In Which Augusten Describes his Love for His Boyfriend.
23.) Roid Rage. In Which Augusten Explains Why He Takes Steroids and How They Affect Him.
24.) Magical Thinking. In Which Augusten Uses the Powers of His Mind to Kill A Woman, Get a Boyfriend, and Become a Nationally Acclaimed Author.
25.) Puff Derby. In Which Augusten Goes to the Kentucky Derby and Meets Puff Daddy.
26.) Meanwhile, Back At the Ranch. In Which Augusten and his Boyfriend Shop for a Summer Home.
27.) Up the Escalator. In Which Augusten Goes to Kmart to Buy Dennis an Iron, and Realizes He Is Becoming Domesticated.

This book is funny. Actually, it is very funny. I laughed out loud a lot. However, and this is worth noting, this book is very mean. Very mean. In this book, Burroughs makes fun of people with Down's Syndrome. He talks about priests giving him blowjobs (one when he was 14). He calls women "bitch" and "cunt." He calls other gay men "fag." He makes fun of people for being retarded, fat, short, ugly, and for having a tiny penis.

It's also fair warning for parents who read this book that Burroughs actively dislikes children. He even has a whole chapter devoted to this topic. On one occasion he accidentally steps on a baby's hand (age 1 1/2, about) and instead of apologizing to the parent, walks away quickly and pretends he did nothing. The child then gets scolded for crying. Burroughs thinks this is hilarious. On another occasion, he threatens a kid who has been kicking him and stepping on his toes. He calls her a cocksucker and threatens to push her mother into the ocean, hurt her daddy, and become her new daddy.

Now, I know I'm making out Burroughs to be some kind of monster. And he is, definitely, a jerk. But his ability to be a jerk and say whatever comes into his head and do things that normal people only fantasize about saying but would never really say is why he's so funny and why people read his books.

It's fair to note that because of his horrendous childhood (see my review of RUNNING WITH SCISSORS for more details) Burroughs is deadened to any sense of kindness, generosity, compassion, or pity. He only looks out for himself, number one. He is fiercely loyal and protective of his boyfriend, but again, I believe that is because his boyfriend makes him happy, and is therefore valuable to Burroughs.

Burroughs is vain, selfish, self-centered, materialistic and shallow. And he freely admits these things and makes fun of himself for them. However, after reading this book, even if you laugh a lot, you would never, ever want to be his friend because you know how he thinks and talks about people.

If you are going to read an Augusten Burroughs book, I would suggest DRY. In DRY, Burroughs portrays himself as more human, with feelings and struggles. He really allows you into his mind and even though he's still got his edge, he's a bit vulnerable and more of a human being. In this book he is more or less a caricature of himself.

SAMPLE: I have always loved eavesdropping. But even more, I love knowing that somebody is eavesdropping on my own conversation. My former art director, Greer, and I had a lot of fun playing games with people. We'd be traveling on business, off to L.A. to shoot a commercial, and we'd be sitting near the gate waiting for our flight and chatting. Then we would become aware that somebody else was listening, so I would say, "Honey, tell me you arranged for your parents to stay with the baby." And she would feign horror. "Oh my fucking God, I totally forgot. The baby is alone. Shit. Do you think she can last on her own for two days?" And I would reply, "Well, I guess. Babies are supposed to be pretty durable."

Really liked this, although I skipped the one about the rat (glad I did, after what he says in the interview at the end).

I am so glad I listened to the audiobook - I love hearing Augusten Burroughs read them himself, and I also really enjoyed the unexpected interview at the end.

The three stars are mostly for "Debby's Requirements," my favorite story.

Pidin kovasti Juoksee saksien kanssa -kirjasta, joten odotin tältäkin paljon. Valitettavasti odotukset eivät täyttyneet. Ensin mainitussa oli kipinää ja intensiteettiä, tämä oli jotenkin epätasainen ja väkinäinen, vähän väsynyt. Kirja kuitenkin parani loppua kohti ja sisälsi muutaman aidosti hauskan kohdan, kuten opossumista kertovan luvun. Siitä hyvästä kolme tähteä.

I really love this book. Because the stories are short, pretty quick reads, it's great for those times when you want something to read but have a lot of distractions around. That's why I took it to the DMV with me a few weeks ago when I was getting my driver's license renewed. It was a long wait, and the lobby was packed with all kinds of cranky people and their unruly kids. As I read about Burroughs' experiences dating an undertaker, getting blowjobs by priests and dealing with a psychotic housekeeper, I kept bursting out laughing. At one point, I might have even cried. It definitely made the hellish DMV experience a lot more bearable.

Burroughs is honest and I like him... there are portions that gave me great compassion for him... to the effect that I don't think I can read "Running with Scissor" -- it might hurt to read his memoir. I have a hard time stomaching kids not receiving the care they need. The good news is that in the end... Burroughs has received the "good" the world has to offer-- which makes me have hope. Here is an excerpt that depicts his wit, but also his honesty about his life experiences that have shaped him.

"But you'd make such great parents!" Yes and no. Dennis would make a good parent. He loves to cook, and he does it extremely well. he istens. He nurtures. He flosses. But this relationship contains two people, and the other one is unfit.

Whenever I see a baby-slapper on CNN, I think There but for the grace of God.

I'm terrified of what sort of parent I would make. First, because I am startlingly self-centered. I require hours alone each day to write about myself. It takes no leap of imagination to know that in our home, there would be a Sony Playstation in every room. "Leave daddy alone and go make it to level four. And Daddy will give you ten bucks if you put it on mute."

Another problem is that I was raised without proper parenting myself. So I really have no wisdom to impart. If a bully so much as touched him at school, my kid would be armed with a stun gune the next day.