I couldn't continue reading this book. I was hoping for so much more but it was repetitious, it was full of references about how boys are inherently born as warriors, which I think is a complete bullshit. That's when I had to stop. Man are wired to protect and for adventure, not to kill and fight. When people raise boys with this mindset, they are messing up a beautiful generation of men. Boys are a Wonder and they are WONDERFUL! But a book like this will screw up that wonder! Do yourself a favor and read Raising Cain instead!

I was hoping this book would enlighten me or at least provide an insightful tip of two about raising boys. Alas, I should have known better as I am almost never impressed with the self help/psychobabble genre of books. I found this book to be a broad stroke generalization with no real direction on how to apply the principles/tenants into real life. I did find value in the discussion about the 3 families, and the benefit of boys having mentors outside of the family unit. But I really didn't learn anything new to employ in the raising of a son

Boys are a wonder and I was grateful to have another resource to help me understand mine a bit more. I enjoyed this book, but confess that I was a bit distracted during the last half and had a hard time paying attention to what the author was saying. My main take aways are that boys need other adults more than just their parents (and men specifically) to serve as role models, initiation type events are crucial and we need to let them just be boys!

Enlightening yet almost overwhelming with information , I give this book 5 stars and wished I had like so many others read it earlier in life.

Not for the legalistic, must be open-minded in order to receive these words of wisdom helping boys to become men.

I went into this book with high hopes at a somewhat sensitive time of my life; I was expecting my second child and first son, and looking for an antidote to the wisecracks of friends and acquaintances that I was in for it now with two kids, and especially with a boy.

The first few chapters contained a lot of interesting neuroscience on boys' brains and how they develop. I couldn't help wishing that this information was newer than 20 years old--surely there is more research into this now. Still, it was good; unfortunately, it came hand in hand with lengthy excursus into evolutionary psychology that attempted to explain why boys and men are wired the way they are, which felt essentially fanciful and speculative, and which (I felt) distracted from the much more interesting neuroscience material at hand.

Following this, the book moved into discussing the kinds of environments boys need to flourish, as babies and toddlers, through school, and into adolescence. Again, much that was interesting, and much that I agreed with, including his thesis--pounded home over and over again--that the nuclear family is not sufficient unto itself in all matters of child-rearing, especially when those children are boys.

I stopped reading the book after the chapter on how mothers' relationships with their boys should look. I have read authors with whom I have disagreed, whom I found annoying, whom I found enraging because they were dishonest, or who simply left me cold. But until I read this book, I had never felt personally hurt or offended by an author through the printed page.

Gurian opens the chapter in question with a humorous quote--"Every woman is a whore, except my mother, who is a saint"--and proceeds to reveal how he never identified with that quote and had a difficult relationship with his own mom. (Fine. Sorry that was the case.) He then explains why he thinks it is so important for boys to learn about the world from their fathers, with their peers, and with other men. (Also fine, and I agree.) But throughout the chapter, the most he can bring himself to envision for mothers is a relationship wherein the mother coordinates an intricate web of influential male relationships that allow her to stay largely out of her son's hair, and wherein the son manages to avoid treating his mother with disrespect. Gurian spends a great deal of time on how difficult this is for single, divorced, or lesbian mothers, offering suggestions and empathizing with their plight--as is fair. But he never offers a positive vision of a healthy relationship between a mother and her son, or for that matter any vision at all for the home environment over which mothers have so much influence. It seemed to me that he thinks the best thing a mother can do for her son is to expend great amounts of organizational effort to keep herself out of the way.

The next chapter was about boys and their fathers. I probably would have benefited from reading it. Gurian is intelligent and well-spoken, draws on interesting research, and stands up on behalf of boys and their essentially constructive wiring in important ways that I respect. I am deeply inclined to agree with him that the "girl power" emphasis in education has often left boys in the lurch. But after the chapter about mothers, I simply couldn't muster the interest. I eventually returned it to the library unfinished, disappointed by what appeared to be his bitterness toward mothers and my own unrealized hope of being encouraged to delight in having a baby boy.

Thankfully, my son took care of that himself.

Maybe someday I will revisit Gurian's work (especially if he updates it). I don't like being defeated by a book.

I read this first 20 years ago when it first came out, in the event that I would be called upon to raise a boy. I was blown away by it at the time, and was so pleased that in the re-reading, I found I'd internalized a good bit as my own parenting strategy. I've found it continues to be useful and relevant in its practical application, although the first reading was more enlightening - Gurian makes a case for social policy / public policy changes and those elements are naturally dated. I'm sure that an updated edition or even other experts might be a better choice for today's first reader, but it still feels classically useful to me.

2015 Reading Challenge - A book at the bottom of your reading list.

I have been slogging through this book for the last 5+ months. I have owned it for over eight years and kept saying I was going to read it. Now I have -- I'm Free! I'm Free! I'm Free!

Nothing wrong with the book, but I have definitely learned I am NOT a parenting book person. While I appreciate the insight and information (didn't agree with it all, but didn't expect to either), I found it a very difficult read. I was so easily tempted to put it down and find something else to do.

I am a mom of 3 boys and felt this was well worth the read.

This book confirmed what my instincts already told me about boys:they hit, hide their feelings, need LOTS of movement and room to play, lie easily, play and do and think in a "boy" way, etc., but it was nice to have many educators, doctors, and scientists confirm that these things are normal and to be expected. Boys and girls are very different and should be different from one another. Simple but true! I feel more prepared to parent my boys and not get my feathers too ruffled at the things they do in their boyish ways.

I will probably read this book again when the little man gets a bit older. There is a lot of great information for boys both young and old. I am greatly motivated to search out a good "tribe" for him, strong male mentors, and a community he can thrive in. I just started "Life of Pi" and the description of his Pondicherry upbringing is the perfect example of what Michael Gurian recommends for boys: a community full of strong male mentors he can go to when mom and dad are frustrated and tired. I'm just not sure where to find that in our hectic Salt Lake City community.

I’m there for the basic premise (boys are different from girls and may require some different parenting strategies), but it seems like a hard book to write without resorting to shallow gender stereotypes. I was hoping for more deep, compelling counsel, but it is mostly uninspiring and often tedious in its reliance on gendered assumptions.

I bought this desperation because my young son and I seemed to be at odds and I wanted to nip the arguments before they became a pattern. I also wanted to get a little insight into why my sweet boy was suddenly so argumentative. This book was the wrong choice for me.

I admit to skipping around to get a feel for the writing but it seemed nearly every chapter was at odds with my own beliefs and I have decided to search out something else. I have been recommended "Real Boys" & Parenting with Love & Logic which I hope will give me more insight into the young male mind than this somewhat biased and mother bashing (in my opinion) book. This book seems more geared to a broken family what with all of the talk and the great emphasis placed on creating a "tribe" for your boy's emotional needs.