Lysistrata

Some Greek men, you’ll discover,
Being a lesser lover
Than a renderer of war,
Treat their wives much like a whore.

So one day, Lysistrata,
Equipped with all the data,
Reckoned upon a tactic
To withhold love climactic.

She aimed to end all conflict
With some cohorts she had picked,
To flaunt breasts and nothing hide,
Though, ‘til peace, men were denied.

Males came with their pricks erect,
Revealed for all to inspect,
Still their wives rejected them,
Until war they would condemn.

So the violence did decrease
And the warring tribes made peace,
A gently handled magic wand
Made sure a double entendre.

At play’s end, the sun went down
On the whole of Athens town
And nothing followed after,
But the echoes of laughter.



Illustration by Norman Lindsay

People who are currently sleeping with an academic may be interested to know that I just sent the following GENUINE letter to an Elsevier journal, in response to a request to review a paper. If this catches on, don't blame Not. Blame Aristophanes.
______________________________


Dear Professor ██████,

My girlfriend, on whom I rely for advice in ethical matters, has researched Elsevier's business model in some detail. She says that, after careful consideration, she would not be able to sleep with someone who continued to review for an Elsevier journal.

Given my girlfriend's uncompromising stance on this issue, I am afraid that I must decline your offer to review this paper and ask you to remove me permanently from your list of reviewers.

Sincerely,

"Lysistrata's Guy"

Аристофан, древнегреческий комедиограф, написал замечательную пацифистскую пьесу, главными героинями которой являются женщины. Удивительно, что в V веке до нашей эры, сознание достигло того, чтобы говорить о правах женщины, может и не о всех, но хотя бы о домашней работе целиком возложенной на плечи женщины: «Из дома трудно выйти женщине. Одна, о муже хлопоча, забегалась, Той слуг не добудиться, эта – нянчится с ребенком, та – стирает, у другой квашня». Дело происходит во время Пелопонесской войны, истощающей Афины и Спарту в бессмысленной войне. Лисистрата, главная героиня, выражает гражданскую позицию: «Но долг свой предпочесть они должны Всему» «Эллады всей спасенье ныне – в женщинах!» «Когда ж всех стран соединятся женщины: Коринфянки, спартанки, беотиянки И мы,-- так вместе мы поможем эллинам.» Она призвала всех женщин со всех воюющих сторон. Лисистрата убеждает женщин воздержаться, объявить что-то вроде сексуальной забастовки, не заниматься сексом с супругами до их отказа от ведения войны. Поначалу женщины бурно выражают свое несогласие. Поддержка Лампито, женщины из противоборствующей стороны, помогает достичь согласия. Все дают клятву. Афинянки захватывают Акрополь с целью не дать пользоваться казной для войны. Лисистрата объясняет: «Для того, чтобы золотом вашим владеть и чтоб вы воевать перестали. На вопрос Советника: «Так думаешь ты, золото – корень войны?» героиня отвечает: «И войны, и раздоров, и смуты. Для того, чтобы мог наживаться Писандр и другие правители ваши». Она отрицает, что они хотят насилия: «Не насилья – спасенья». Их акция встречает рьяное сопротивление воинственно настроенных стариков, вооружившихся хворостом и огнем. Доходит до пожара и рукоприкладства, но женщины дают отпор – обливают стариков водой, как могут сопротивляются стражникам-скифам, кусают, царапают и… побеждают. Когда с войны приходят их мужья они остаются верны своей клятве – ухаживают за мужчинами, выказывают заботу, но воздерживаются от любви, доводя их до исступления и принятия их условия не воевать. Дело заканчивается миром и любовью!
В пьесе содержится гениальная идея о женском начале, лежащем в основе гуманизма, противления войне, ее неприятия. Женщины активно выражают свой протест, они могут организоваться, они могут встать выше распрей, ведущих к войне, и смотреть на мир с позиций мира, возвращения своих мужей с полей сражений к семейному очагу. Нет нужды упоминать, как эта пьеса современно звучит и сегодня

Love this book second time around.

This is one of my favorite stories out there. I first read this in high school or college, I don't remember. I then bought the book. It's such a great idea.

Women are unhappy with how things are going in their town, so they come together and decide to withhold sex from their men until things change. I find this hilarious and such a breath of fresh air. Who knows, maybe this is a way to get change, but its more amusing to me. I think it's better to just have woman helping to shape the law than simply withholding sex and asking men to do the right thing. Anyway.

A book about sex and politics and humor. It's the best of all those worlds. There is a lot here and I recommend people give this classic a read.

It had been quite awhile since I contemplated over any books let alone penning a critical appraisal on Goodreads. It was tough trying to get words out of the overwhelming emotional vortex; an obstinate ketchup bottle ignoring the need of a fried potato for the tangy goodness. So, when Brian suggested a group reading of Lysistrata, I was a bit apprehensive. A Greek playwright crossing the dreaded course of fallen heroic tragedies; even more remorse to my cerebral coma; not a luxurious indulgence at the moment. Lysistrata is a woman’s name; yes it is and sex is the weapon used to hem the broken olive branch.

n  “To husband or lover, I’ll not open arms. Though love and denial may enlarge his charms. But still at home, ignoring him, I’ll stay. Bountiful, clad in saffron silk all day. If then he seizes me with by dint of force, I’ll give him reason for a long remorse. I’ll never lie and stare up at the ceiling. Nor like a lion on all four go kneeling. If I keep faith then bounteous cups be mine. Do you swear to this? Then I shall immolate the victim thus.”n

Holding a pair of olive logs, a vine torch and a small pot of live embers; Lysistrata and her women folk thus embarked on an egalitarian journey within the locked Acropolis citadel; a long awaited unified cry of misplaced wisdom. Neither the pointless sexist blabber from unassailable old men who rather burn the protesters than give a patient ear nor the wailing of desperate husbands and lovers could shake the well rooted fortitude of this rebellious bunch. Peace is what they strive at the cost of their fornication. We pay taxes, manage finesse with domestic budgetary, and give birth to descendants who will render their youth to deathly absurdities in a unproductive war. Abandoned voices yearning to be heard outside the bedroom in the ubiquitous courtyards of masochism.

I’m a free woman; screams this slap-stick engaging play. Aristophanes delineated a cohesive front; an equalized gender dais debating the validity of aggressive hostilities. Wars not only annihilate countries but families too. Common sense is a rarity and idiocy the universal daily crow of a proud rooster. Underestimating the weak is the biggest blunder of an astute strategist. And, 'Groupthink' is not just a term coined by a confident Mr. Janis; harried egocentric faulty pronouncements can even corrupt sincerity. Remember the ‘Bay of Pigs’?? Nevertheless all is not lost and the inbred humor prances around like a spring rabbit. One cannot help but laugh when distressed over the abstinence issue Myrrhine’s husband Cinesias brings their child to convince to come back to a lovely home and a lonely husband. Even after pledging to bringpeace to the land, Myrrhine does not give in to the carnal needs bringing Cinesias to tear his hair out.

n  CINESIAS
A wicked thing, as I repeat.
O Zeus, O Zeus,
Canst Thou not suddenly let loose
Some twirling hurricane to tear
Her flapping up along the air
And drop her, when she's whirled around,
Here to the ground
Neatly impaled upon the stake
That's ready upright for her saken

Baudrillard was precise in inferring the power of seduction to be greater than the act itself.


"Master the kitchen, master the bedroom and so shall rule your husband". The evergreen thumb rule of triumph of one of my elderly aunt’s long-lasting marriage. In a world devoid of any sex toys or cinematic screenings, sex and food was the ultimate seduction of power. “Buy me the silver or no midnight climaxes!” You want me to clean after you; my closed legs will be your eternal marriage gift!”.... Can sex be really used as a weapon by ladies of all societal strata? Power seekers beware of the fairer sex for they have unfailing artillery!! Is the abstinence of sex capable of stopping mindless male aggression of power? Could Silvio Berlusconi minimize the impact of EU crisis if Ruby had protested the Bunga Bunga? Gaddafi would not have met with such a brutal death for being a scoundrel of a dictator. An excellent point put forth by Brian, about the Iraq War; wonders if the search of the indiscernible WMDs would have stopped if Mrs.Bush along with Mrs. Blair transpired Lysistrata proposal at the White House. The new democratic gesticulation could discipline the wildest of men, Napoleon would have been the best candidate; as the saying goes small men huge “ego”. Aristophanes is undoubtedly a visionary for banishing the discrepancies of gender biases bequeathing the ‘weaker’ sex with a new leash of power and control. No more will the patriarchal societies characterize gender roles and women no longer will be pretty bodies sitting on a vagina. Lysistrata’s protest was not designated to demoralize the validity of manhood, but an outright memo of the rarity of common sense and advocacy of peace over a senseless war fought for decades. The weak can be strong when they stand up for their rights and cannot be easily dismissed by mere ignorance. Not only wars, but numerous crimes against can be stopped with the ongoing strategy. The only fear looms is of how long it will be until the newly acquired democratic forum spits an authoritative fire. But, that is yet a farsighted destination and as of now, peace was ultimately restored and the Greeks merrily celebrated with abundance wine and sex. Wasn't that (sex) the ultimate catch after all?

n  LYSISTRATA
Earth is delighted now; peace is the voice of earth.
Spartans, sort out your wives: Athenians, yours.
Let each catch hands with his wife and dance his joy,
Dance out his thanks, be grateful in music,
And promise reformation with his heels.n


t
t

Chronology
Introduction & Notes
Further Reading
Translator's Note
Note on the Text

Preface to The Acharnians
--The Acharnians

Preface to The Clouds
--The Clouds

Preface to Lysistrata
--Lysistrata

Notes

Looking at the themes of sex and gender, this bawdy anti-war sex comedy, of which I found rather amusing, was first staged in 411 BCE. In simplistic terms, the play is the account of one woman's extraordinary mission to end the Peloponnesian War, as Lysistrata convinces the women of Greece to withhold sexual privileges from their husbands as a means of forcing the men to negotiate a peace. In other words its like a sex strike! Lysistrata, a strong minded Athenian with a great sense of individual responsibility, reveals her plan to take matters into her own hands and end the interminable war between Athens and Sparta. She has convened a meeting of women from various city states in Greece and, with support from the Spartan Lampito, she explains to the other women her plan, which Leads to some really laughable moments.

Modern adaptations of the play are often performed with a feminist and/or pacifist viewpoint, but the original all the way back then was neither particularly feminist nor unreservedly pacifist. Even while apparently demonstrating empathy with the female condition, Aristophanes still tended to reinforce sexual stereotyping of women as irrational creatures in need of protection from themselves and from others. Certainly, it seems clear that Aristophanes was not actually advocating real political power for women.

Lysistrata herself, though, is clearly an exceptional woman and, even when the other women waver in their resolution, she remains strong and committed. She is usually quite separate from the other women: she does not herself exhibit any sexual desire, has no obvious lovers or husband and does not purposely flirt with men; she is smarter, wittier and generally adopts a more serious tone than the other women. the humour throughout is highly topical and the playwright expected his audience to be familiar with myriad local personalities, places and issues, a difficulty faced by any producer trying to stage Lysistrata for modern audiences. As well as the slapstick comedy and the raucous and risqué double-entendres, much of the humour in the play derives from the audience’s knowledge of specific figures from Athens’ public life and recent history.

Known as the 'Father of Comedy', this was great fun, and I just can't quite believe its as old as it is. I imagine it will never feel dated, long live Aristophanes!

Today Alyssa Milano called for a sex strike in response to Georgia's abortion ban, which raises two questions: 1) Alyssa Milano is still a thing?! and 2) Haven't I heard this before? I can help with the second thing. Milano got it from Aristophanes, who in 411 BC invented the sex strike and, for all you know, dildos.

n  n

It's 411 BC and Athens is deep in the Peloponnesian War with Sparta and everyone's pretty stressed about it. In Aristophanes' brilliantly simple idea, the women of both sides organize and throw a sex strike. "Stop fighting," they say, "Or no more humping!" The plot is that they say that and then it works. There's some stuff about dildos, for obvious reasons, but that's about all there is to it. Unfortunately it was a made-up story; in real life this didn't happen and Athens lost the war and that was basically the end of the Golden Age of Democracy. But the play is great - easily Aristophanes's best surviving play - funny and filthy and don't forget, the thing about Greek plays is that you can knock one out in an hour and a glass of wine, so why haven't you read this?


Translation and illustration courtesy of Valerie Schrag for The Graphic Canon

Alyssa Milano, who played a kid on the 80s TV show Who's The Boss and is now still a thing, isn't the first to try the Lysistrata strategy. It's been done in places as diverse as Colombia, Nigeria, and Italy. It comes up in the US every time Republicans do something particularly assheaded (so, daily).

It's not an ineffective strategy, and I don't mean to belittle Alyssa Milano, who performed the voice of "Bimini" in 2012's Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2 and is totally still a thing. Georgia's abortion ban is a nightmare and if this is what it takes it's a small price to pay. (That's what she said! Dunked on my own dick!) And the play's not ineffective either. Like all the best ideas, it's extremely simple and it involves dildos.

Translations
Valerie Schrag, as mentioned above, has a comic version for the Graphic Canon that's super fun but pretty direly abridged.
Douglass Parker has one for this common Aristophanes collection that's fine but it's trying very very hard to be as cool as Aristophanes was and failing. If you've found a great translation, please do let me know.

How old is the idea of women withholding sex from men to get what they want? Well, apparently as far back as 405 BC, because that's what happens in this hilarious (and bawdy) Greek comedy. In this play it was "en masse"' with the singular purpose of bringing peace between the warring Athenians and Spartans. Did it work? Well, what do you think?

I hate this book because I got arrested on account of it. I was at the University of Texas' Perry Castaneda Library and it got lost amidst the shuffled stack of books which I dumped into my backpack when I left.

Exiting the library the sensor went off.

Sorry, I forgot to check it out. No big deal, happens all the time.

But the Department of Collegiate Fascism, aka the UTPD, are required to file a report. Bored from arresting 19-year-olds for walking down the street half drunk they show up like it's the scene of a hostage crisis. And, unlucky me, it turns out I have a warrant for an unpaid alcohol-possession ticket.

Still, no big deal. I can go down to the station and pay it. Fine. But this is the lobby of a large student library and I am surrounded by my fellow students, all of us dutifully studying on a Tuesday night. As such, might I please just walk out to the police car?

GET AGAINST THE WALL MOTHERFUCKER!

A.J. COVER ME WHILE I SEARCH THIS SCUMBAG!

GOTCHA COVERED BUDDY! [Loudly cocks shotgun]

NO WEAPONS ON HIS TORSO! NOTHING UP HIS SPHINCTER! NOTHING TIED TO HIS BALLSACK... BUT WAIT, LET ME SQUEEZE HARDER!

[Sound of testes being crunched by human fist]

OK THIS PERP'S CLEAN! GIT ME MY CUFFS!

[Sound of me being viciously shackled]

YOU GIT THAT ARM! HELP ME DRAG 'EM OUT TO THE SQUAD CAR! HOLD ON! HE'S MEEKLY PROTESTING! HAND ME MY BLUDGEON!

[Egregious violence]

YEAH! GIT SOME! GIT SOME! GIT SOME MOTHERFUCKER! YEAH A.J. KICK 'EM SOME MORE! GIT SOME, BITCH! Ok he ain't movin'.

[Sound of manacled body being dragged across library lobby, accompanied by the stunned silence of onlookers]

Thus ended my experience with Lysistrata. I never got to the ending, although in later years my various girlfriends, in the manner of Ghandi protesting English oppression of the Indian subcontinent, were wont to use "Lysistratan nonaction" to protest my rampant drinking and proneness to random street violence.

Not recommended.

TV Commercial: Does your husband and the men of Athens just want to wage war? Do they ignore your pleas for peace no matter how long the Peloponnesian War has been going on? Tired of your men's stupid decisions in such a trying time? Do you wish to end it? Well women of Athens, you are in luck, we have the solution for you, withhold sex from your husbands and lovers, that will bring them back with their tails between their feet and a signed peace document.
Women of Athens: Would that not just create divisions between the sexes and a sort of war between the citizens?
TV Commercial: ehhhh, most likely. But, their idiocy must be stopped.
Lysistrata: You have got a deal! I am starting now. Women let us meet! My time has come to convince you to withhold sex so we can have peace. This cannot possibly backfire.

Now that that is aside, THIS IS NEITHER A FEMINIST PLAY, NOR A PACIFIST ONE. I understand why modern readers might interpret it as such, but at the time it was written,and many years after, it was clear that the view was that women were a nuisance that needed to be protected from themselves. It basically begins with these lines:
LYSISTRATA
There are a lot of things about us women
That sadden me, considering how men
See us as rascals.
CALONICE
As indeed we are!

Not the greatest sentence for a supposedly feminist play.

Now this is also quite a crude play, maybe even more so than the Bard himself. In it men walk about with erect penises for no other reason that them being denied sex and unable to control erections. We have a woman that sort of teases her lover by saying she will do him and them promptly bringing a bed, a mattress, a pillow, a blanket, some oil, and then ends up running back up to the Acropolis where the women are holding out. Their oath to not have sex tells them not to do a certain sexual pose that apparently was popular back then.
I would say this play is a bit offensive to men, not as much as women, but it does dictate that men cannot function unless their penis is inside someone's vagina. That kind of does them a disservice.
Here's a few reasons why it is not feminist:
-The first lines of the play as written above.
-Majority of women, except Lysistrata, are presented as voluptuaries.
-A magistrate arrives and starts spouting about how women are hysterical and that men should keep better hold of them.
-He proceeds to also claim they have too much of a liking to wine, promiscuous sex, and for some weird reasons, exotic cults.
-There are two women with these names: "seed-market-porridge-vegetable-sellers" and "garlic-innkeeping-bread-sellers".
-Lysistrata uses a woman for her beauty to distract the men enough to have them sign peace.

I did laugh nonetheless, I prefer to read it as satire, it makes the funny and cringe worthy moments all the more fun.

A fun play about trying to stop war with refusing to have sex with the husband's, fela timely and could have easily been published now.