n  n    When a girl, obey your father; when a wife, obey your husband; when a widow, obey your son.n  n

This book tells the life story of Lily, a woman in 19th-century China, from her childhood to her old age, and central to her story is her friendship with a woman named Snow Flower. The two first meet as seven-year-old girls, around the time that they get their feet bound, according to tradition.

I didn't like this book, but I'm glad I read it for two reasons: One, I learned something. Before reading this book I had never heard of a laotong or nu shu. Two, I now know for certain that historical accuracy will not necessarily endear me toward a work of historical fiction.

People sometimes criticise authors of historical fiction for creating heroines that espouse modern, progressive, 21st-century thoughts and opinions that are totally out of place in the time period in which the book takes place, but good God, give me an anachronistic feminist heroine in the 17th century over Lily any day of the week. The main character in this book is very much a product of her time. She is obedient, she is well-mannered, she eases into the feminine role her society has allotted for her and she does not complain. She does not challenge social norms and she does not rebel against the confines placed on her. In that sense she is very believable as a character, but she's also very boring. There were only so many times I could read about Lily and Snow Flower having a conversation that goes like this:

Snow Flower: Oh, Lily, being a woman is pain and suffering.
Lily: Yes, it truly is.
Snow Flower: We women are worthless!
Lily: That's not true! Sons give us worth.
Snow Flower: I have but one sickly son and one useless daughter.
Lily: Try to have another son. Then you will increase your worth.

before I had to put it down and pick up something less depressing. When Lily finds out that Snow Flower's husband physically abuses her, she advises her to keep trying to have another son to please her husband and to just try harder to fulfill her womanly duties. When Lily has her own daughter she binds her feet as well, with no hesitation or question about the morality of putting her through such torture. It's just the way things were done. From a historical standpoint I understand why she acted the way she did, I understand the power of female socialisation well; but gosh, this book was a painful read, and not in an emotional tug-on-the-heart kind of way but in an I-can't-stand-another-moment-with-these-characters kind of way. This kind of bleak, tragic story about female suffering and capitulation is just not for me. I get it, being a woman in the past fucking sucked, but I like my female characters to have some spunk. There was not one single thing I enjoyed about this book.

Гендерное неравенство имеет разные лица в разных культурах, и иногда принимает приносящие боль, уродующие формы. От крайне жестокой традиции бинтования ног умирала каждая десятая девочка. Размер ступни определял шансы выйти замуж, маленькие ступни показывали повиновение. Поразительно, что матери не любили младших дочерей – лишний рот кормить и лишнее тело одевать – а дочери считались «никчемными» ветвями в семье. Так, в романе муж Снежного Цветка говорит: «Лучше иметь собаку, чем дочь». Женщина, не имевшая сына, имела самое низкое положение в семье.
Дыхание древних традиций пронизывает весь роман. Пощечину дают на счастье и чтобы отпугнуть злых духов. Секретное женское письмо (нушу или нюй шу) позволяло общаться женщинам всю жизнь. Девочки могли становиться названными сестрами до момента замужества последней из них или заключать договор о вечной дружбе, чтобы стать половинкой своей подруги лаотун. Мне понравилось, что автор не идеализировала Лилию, а показала ее ошибающейся и поступившей непорядочно по отношению к Снежному Цветку в силу своей ошибки. Я не люблю романы, где герои идеальны.

4

Over the centuries every culture has its own version of "perfection" and refinement that sets people (women, mostly) apart from their counter parts. Foot binding in China was equated with elitism and gave girls an opportunity to marry a higher class man. The brutality of it was expected in the same way corsets were used in Victorian England to make the waists look tinier. Over the time, the requirements for refinements have changed but haven't completely disappeared. Women to this day are subjected to body type slurs when the new norms of perfection aren't met by them.

Lily is destined for something out of the ordinary and that happens to be being "old same" with a girl from upper class by the name Snow flower. The similar tempered girls become fast friends the moment they meet and promise to share everything for the rest of their lives. This story is gentle reveal of relationship between two women who met when they were just girls and made a contract to be soul-friends for the rest of their lives. They use "nu shu" to communicate, a language that's exclusively used by women for communications such as these.

Lisa See writes an intimate tell-all. Lily's passage to womanhood during the process of foot binding is done with dignity; Lily accepts her fate as a necessity for progression in her life irrespective of her personal feelings about the subject matter. Lily adores Snow Flower from the very beginning though the class difference between the two keep bothering her. In a society where role of a woman was reduced to the one that produced sons and take care of the household, the system of "old-sames" offered companionship and a sisterhood that formed an emotional support system.

As a character Lily is flawed; she is selfish, judges her soul sister too harshly and can be overtly acerbic. Narration suffers when Lily's inner monologue becomes a distraction. The plot moves rather quickly in the beginning - their childhood days and enjoys a steady pace through the rest. Its a depressing story but it does warrant at least one honest read.

When we were young and doing the things children did, certain body type templates crept into our brains without our knowledge. We linger a moment longer in front of the mirror and make a mental note of statistics made by different body parts. We smoothen our skirts, readjust our dupattas and
straighten our pants with our eyes constantly judging.

What a gorgeous and heart breaking book! The characters were so fascinating along with the culture that it portrays. The foot binding chapter had me sobbing and still makes me cringe and question why this was necessary. It was a true testament to friendship and relationships during a time when status and traditions were so prevalent. I loved it and want to read more from this author. Loved it!

حوصله سر بر و بدون هیچ داستان خاصی...

Ever since reading Memoirs of a Geisha, I've been looking for a book that will let me relive that excitement. So I was hoping that Snow Flower and the Secret Fan would fit the bill for my craving for Asian drama :)

I would have to say that this book did not. I found it difficult to get invested in the characters who seemed somewhat flat to me. The narrator wasn't engaging enough to make me feel a connection to her. Really, the strength of the book in my opinion was the detail it spent in developing an understanding of the cultural issues surrounding Chinese women and the custom of footbinding. Which, of course, is horrible mutilation to a woman living in the 21st century Western world, but was the very epitome of beauty and sexual turn-on for 19th century Chinese. So I would say it gets an A+ for effectively fleshing out that cultural way of life, but probably just a "B-" for characters. I wanted to care more about them than I did, but when the book was over, I was more interested in Googling pictures of bound feet than mourning the loss of their friendship and the misunderstandings that undid the two main characters.

Set in China in the early to mid -19th century, this book tells of a deep friendship between two women, Lily and Snow Flower. Their relationship, known as a laotong, is intended to last a lifetime. It begins when they are children and is arranged by a matchmaker. The girls learn and communicate in a secret women’s-only written language, nu shu, which differs significantly from men’s writing. Snow Flower and Lily inscribe messages on a fan and send it by courier to each other, similar to a pen pal, at major milestones in their lives. At age eighty, Lily is looking back on her life and recording their stories for a specific reason, which will eventually be revealed.

The book is a deep examination of Chinese culture of the era through the eyes of its women at a time when women were expected to be subservient to men and to produce sons. This story includes the horrors of foot-binding, which was seen as a sign of beauty – the ideal was seven centimeters. I had heard of foot-binding but had no idea of what it entailed. Other cultural aspects include social classes, official ceremonies, traditions, and storytelling.

This book is beautifully written and provides a sense of a real relationship between these women, filled with love, conflict, and heartbreak. As with the best historical fiction, it transports the reader to a time and place and feels authentic. I was able to picture the region in my mind’s eye through Lisa See’s detailed descriptions of the food, weather, clothing, and landscapes. I gained an appreciation for the arduous lives of the women of the time and what they endured. This one will stay in my memory for a long while.

I absolutely loved this book. It was so good on so many levels and the love between these two women and the lives they led were amazingly beautiful, tragic, and ever so engrossing. While I knew about foot binding and realized it was a most painful experience, the extent of how this "barbaric" custom went on to effect the lives of women was amazing.

The two women of the novel were wonderful representations of what true friendship with its many upheavals and pitfalls can bring. The struggle these woman faced especially those of Snow Flower makes one admire the true faith and love she had for her laotang. Truly no greater love is there than to always put oneself in second place as compared to the wants and wishes of a friend. The compassion and wonderful nature of Snow Flower comes through each and every page and in each and every meeting of the girls through their lives as they grow and mature. They both take what fate has given them and make the best of life's cruel situations.

Truly this was an inspiring book particularly dedicated to the spirit of women who endure and to the power of a friendship that was able to transcend all the cruelty that life has to offer. We also aspire to have a friend such as Snow Flower and in the end Lily was able to return that friendship through her grandson and Snow Flower's granddaughter. This was truly an inspirational story of love, trust, and the ability to forgive.

She was also pointing out my defects and teaching me how to use them to my benefit. In our country, we call this type of mother love teng ai. My son has told me that in men's writing it is composed of two characters. The first means pain; the second means love. That is a mother's love.

3.5 stars. A beautifully written book about the relationship between women in China. I've read a few historical fiction titles with China as the setting, but have never felt that I got such a thorough look at their culture - especially at the inner (woman's) realm. The Chinese way of life is so far removed from what I know that I find it totally fascinating, even though the pace is always a bit slower than most of the "western" titles I read. Highly recommended.
The Story: In nineteenth-century China, when wives and daughters were foot-bound and lived in almost total seclusion, the women in one remote Hunan county developed their own secret code for communication: nu shu ("women's writing"). Some girls were paired with laotongs, "old sames," in emotional matches that lasted throughout their lives. They painted letters on fans, embroidered messages on handkerchiefs, and composed stories, thereby reaching out of their isolation to share their hopes, dreams, and accomplishments.
With the arrival of a silk fan on which Snow Flower has composed for Lily a poem of introduction in nu shu, their friendship is sealed and they become "old sames" at the tender age of seven. As the years pass, through famine and rebellion, they reflect upon their arranged marriages, loneliness, and the joys and tragedies of motherhood. The two find solace, developing a bond that keeps their spirits alive. But when a misunderstanding arises, their lifelong friendship suddenly threatens to tear apart.

The horror of foot binding, it might have been a historical reality, but do we really have to read about it here today. Horrible horrible stuff. No writing can make it ok.

Knowing it happened and reading about the pain and suffering I can handle, but having two seven year old girls watching their six year old sister/cousin being held down while screaming as her feet are bound for the first time is the worst child abuse. No thanks.

لكل من يحب أن يكتشف وجه آخر للصين،عادتهم و تقاليدهم في الزواج و أفكارهم،
طريقة عيش النساء في ذاك المجتمع الريفي،و الأهم كيف يتم إنتقاء الزوجة المناسبة للعائلات المرموقة ⬅️حسب صغر القدم
مع وصف عملية تضييق القدم لدى فتيات الصغيرات في السن
لا تتجاوز 11في الصين
،كان إكتشاف لي و الوصف دقيق لدرجة تجعلك تشفق عليهن
و كيف يتم زجرهن كي تنتهي العملية و كيف تموت بعض الفتيات نتيجة لامراض.
.رواية جيدة تكشف ثقافة المجتمع النسائي الصيني من خلال علاقة الصداقة بين البطلتين